a few things i must archive

I've not been blogging much in the last two months. And I feel guilty for not archiving some important events in my life. Go figure. So to ease my conscience and to ensure that certain things are not forgotten.... I shall briefly mention them.

p/s: this was of course not blogged at the time and date displayed. I was at that time elsewhere.

• GLS 2010 which was held in Metrotab on the 22-23rd Nov was a little too tiring for me this time
  
• VBA followed soon after on the 29-30th Nov but I wasn't involved
• Instead I was rushing my asgn and almost thought I couldn't make it. I surprised myself when I did.
• December brought a lot of events starting with the first ever Birds and Bees Workshop on the 4th of Dec which proved useful and needful.
  
• After a lot of shopping buzz with the post SPM-ers,
  
• There was aspirers christmas party where fourletterstory wowed the crowd on the 19th of Dec
• After that it was full out packing and moving with the family
• Christmas rolled along with another bout of shopping and presents
• Attending 3 weddings in the month (2 of which were family) allowed time for pampering and dressing up!
  
• Forgiving myself for neglecting a lot of stuff, it was back to the craze of packing
• Running away on the 29-30th dec for a short but absolutely refreshing leaders retreat with the youth did a lot of good for me and for the team.
  
• and as the year ended, so did a big chapter of my life....

Acne dilemma

Recently I entered my second teenage phase - skin wise - and it irks me. "I'm too old for this" wells up and "why Lord?". Is this called aging or jus consequences of modern medicine? Ugh! And I thought it was over... I was so glad it was over. For once in my life!

So I'm starting the cycle all over again - pills, dry skin, etc. What else can I do? Besides the fact that it is very very expensive, what worries me the most is that my future baby might be affected! I don't want to have to face that. Having kids is important to me and I don't want to jeopardize that. Perhaps I should go for second opinion.

When will this ever end? bleh

tired of walking alone

After prayer meeting today, I slipped away from the crowd without saying anything to anyone. I walked to my car and sat in it alone. The silence drowned in and the world slowed down. Yea like the movies. I sat for an awkward silence before willing myself to simply move, and get away as fast as possible. But I continued to smile, because it was necessary and because it was expected.

I'm tired of walking alone on the road and tired of the crowd. Tired of sitting in deafening silence. Tired of being left behind or taken for granted. Tired of being nice and tired of being mean. Tired of feeling and tired of numbness. Tired of the endless unbreakable cycle. Tired of pretending and hiding and protecting. Tired of being strong and tired of being too weak. Tired of feeling tired too.

Perhaps that's why I leave the TV on and constantly find something to do, finding a way to drown out that thought. Perhaps it's easier to keep moving, faithfully doing what I need to do. And not ponder. Not wonder. But I'm tired of that too.

It used to be a tension between the fear of going at it alone and the desire for independence. I use to try to find that freedom of independence, yet hide behind the fear of the unknown tomorrow and world out there. It was a tension that could never be solved - perhaps should not be solved. But now, i'm just tired of trying.

What can I say? What do you deduce? It's no secret.

... Then an old familiar song came to mind 'tho none go with me, still I will follow'.... and the tiredness starts to blur. Perhaps I'm simply afraid of walking alone?

Silence not always golden

My blog has been silent for a very long time. Actually one month isn't all that long but in my record of blogging... rather long I suppose.

The truth is I've been busy. You can't imagine how things pile up sometimes and you don't find time for yourself that much. Every change I get I simply plop myself in front of the one-eye monster and zone into another world. Escapism it's called. There's been so much activities and simply things that needed to be done, so I faithfully hurried along doing everything that needed to be done. That's the way it is, isn't it?

But more than that. My spirit has sunken to a new low, where feelings and passion are being desensitized. I'm not sure I care that much anymore. I'm not sure I want to that much anymore. And it's ironic consider where my life is heading - it seems that I should gear myself up for it and prepare myself (and my heart) to deal with the challenges ahead. Cos I Do know where God is bringing my life to. (I mean where He's leading it to) but i simply can't find in my heart and spirit to. I wanna repel everything at the moment and sulk. Mayb it's fear that is gripping and paralyzing. Mayb it's disappointment in unfulfilled hopes and dreams and prayers. Maybe time and again the failures scream in my face. Maybe I'm just drowning or suffocating where I am? Maybe it's jus the entire transition process that is most difficult. Maybe it's just me.

But God oh God, I can't seem to reach You. God my Lord, I can't seem to want to. When the journey starts to loose it's light, how can then I continue to lead? How can I guide? Like the blind leading the blind, we'd fumble our way till I find you. Why oh God. What's wrong with me? How do I continue to put one foot in front of the other?

Making a shift...

Making a shift to HTC - a whole new world of difference in doing things. Quietly brilliant. Seriously.

Just as I was exploring the possibilities and getting used to the idea of getting something. It was thrown in my lap. *plock* And I looked at God with my sepet eyes. "You always know, Lord." *smiles secretly*

It also pays to have family in the right line. Hmm...
And again, no, my parents are not adopting you so that you can get the same privileges. *sweats*

Now I need to get use to it so that it is actually useful to me, and make sure I don't drop it at all!

Shuga

I saw a news on a show called 'Shuga' that hit the streets of Africa for the young. It was a modern, hip and realistic show about young people and their lives, set in Nairobi. It's an effort by UNICEF and MTV to tackle important issues among young people, especially in Kenya. It brought up issues about safe sex, HIV, lifestyle and so on. Read more here.

It became an ambassador for HIV and Aids in Africa. HIV and Aids have been a leading problem in Africa for years with no hope. CNN reported that many young people identified and related with the characters in the show. Organizations took advantages of the message of the movies by promoting that young people get tested right outside the cinema that opens this show and the response have been tremendous. Surveys showed that 60% of Kenyan young people are into the show and are really looking at ways to change their own lifestyle to lead a better life. It was a young people telling young people thing, and it was really effective as a voice among the young.

I was impress at such a conscious and effective effort to make a difference in young people's life. I applaud the effort and look forward to a better world. Perhaps this is really the change that Africa needed. God is still working in this nation. And He will faithfully continue to work in this nation!

Shattered

I couldn't believe it. I looked at my car in shock. How could it possibly have happened?
I stood frozen with my backpack and didn't know what to say. My colleagues were discussing it in front of me - what was the next best course of action. To me, I still just couldn't believe it.

Amazing artistry across the evening sky

I was driving back, passing one of my favourite spots - its the heightest spot on the flyover where it feels like you're driving into the skies.

And then I saw this...

like the title says... it was like amazing artistry across the evening sky - only better. Like wow!

Picture does not do it justice.

Silent Retreat

So I just got back from a silent retreat, as is part of my course requirements. A 3D2N retreat at Fraser's Hill where we can't talk at all. Can't communicate in any way. It sounds like such a freaky thing to do in our age. How do you cut off everything and live in isolation for a period of time?

But it was rather relieving to just get away and not run after anything. To enjoy the beauty that God has created for us and to enjoy God through them. How cool is that? We should all get away now and then and just nourish our souls. I thank God for this opportunity. It really was a gift in this time and age when you can't catch a break sometimes.

Early this morning I was suppose to wake up at 6.00am for Morning Prayers. My alarm rang on time. And I rolled over to turn it off. Lying on my back I told my body to get up. I was all ready to get up and go.

Right about then, the whole silent world froze while time continued to tick by. Somehow I was completely unconscious of it nor have any form of memory about what happened. My theory is that professor X wasn't that far off and up to something in the mutant world.

Cos right then I turned to look once more at my clock. It was 6.25am. 25minutes had simply skipped by and I had no idea how. I don't remember falling asleep or waking up.

Later while napping after returning from morning prayers, it happened again. My alarm rang at 8.30am as planned. But a second look at the clock revealed that it was 8.55am instead.

Just a little unwell

It's been over two weeks now and I'm still coughing up green mucus. Eww..
I caught the flu in china and it's really lingering...

Don't remember ever being sick so long in my life. Ugh what's wrong with me? God I just wanna get well. And a little voice says "perhaps you should use your common sense and bother to medicate yourself then huh" Oh Pfft.

Singapore for Valerie's wedding

This is my third destination in short of a month. Which is totally uncommon. And a little stressful I might add.

But there I was rushing down to Singapore via the midnight train. Not a pleasant experience I might add. But we managed to drag ourselves there and around and finally for the wedding!


Congrats Valerie and Thiong Guan. Or is it Thiong Guan and Valerie? Hmm.. It was a happy ocassion and I'm so happy for you guys. And hope u two have a good one. May God bless you and take care of you.

It was great catching a break and walking around Singapore, meeting up with old friends and just hanging. Although I faced a series of unfortunate events, all's well that ends well. More pictures here. Miss you guys already!

China Trip 2010

Ok so here's me talking about my China trip. I was so lazy to write this down. It was very appreciative for this trip that I did not need to pay. God provides in mysterious ways. It's my first trip to real china and to where my grandparents came from - hometown. Regardless of what others feel about their origin, I was pretty excited to find out. And so I jumped on a plane with my mom and two sisters and headed to xiamen with a bunch of other family members. Yippee! My first tour.


The above is a page of my journal and all the places we went and all the things we learnt! Being in a tour gives you so much more when the tour guide tells you its history and news and all the things you would have otherwise missed. And I begin to realise the deep culture and significance of so many things around me - even those that were not said. So despite the heat and the migraine, toe swelling, and flu that I got, I experienced more than my fair share of things.


Being on a trip like this allows us the opportunity to get to know each other more. I've never spent 8days straight with my cousins before. Man, I didn't quite even notice some before this ;) That's quite bad of me. I'm glad I got to know some of my cousins a little better. Although there were things I could have live with not knowing. But family's family. It tests your patience, and everything!


For more pictures, check out Lynne's (my sister) photo album on facebook. I'm too lazy to upload or anything like that. :)

We met up with the folks back at home and the only awkwardness was our inability to communicate properly (it was weird to hear the whole town speak a language that is almost extinct here that we use as a secret language). But it was rather touching when they say "make yourself at home cos you're home" and they hold your hand with tears in their eyes. And oh, Putian is a city. Seremban is the kampung.

But despite of all that, I really do not like tours very much. You don't get much rest and you eat way too much. I also don't get to experience the real deal - the street food, the normal hussle and bussle, etc. Isn't that what traveling is about? Experiencing all that? But I didn't mind the amazing hotels though. hehe. Aaahh all in all it was good. =) so very tiring though....

Trip to Camerons

It was something I had to do, as daunting as it had at first sound to me. But that's me. I'm usually afraid to leave the shore to reach the edge of the waters that I want to go. As ironic as that may sound to you. But every time I find an anchor I know I can depend on, I will go. Cos the edge of the water promises a beautiful horizon that I want to see and be a part of.

So this something that I had to do turned into a roadtrip to eat and get away from reality. I was excited. I couldn't believe it. And so in the midst of 'working', we had our own holiday.

With Jotay eating and sleeping almost all the way, (which did give a certain serenity on the road) I had some time to think and absorb the scenery. I usually have a lot swimming in my mind and heart. Most of the time I simply wonder when the hecticness had so much control over me. Have you ever notice how our lives have became a list of 'to dos'. And you cannot seem to break out of the system anymore. Many of those times we're just doing things we have to do. And all meanings slowly becomes lost. No wonder I'm not moving along in my life? Have I become stuck?

But this time I wasn't really thinking of all the things I had to do. (I couldn't even if I wanted to) With the GPS telling us where to go and Der driving and Jotay keeping tab of the bill, I only had my agenda at hand. I stared out at the jungle on the left side of the car and felt the breeze on my face, and felt happy. A kind of peace and happiness I've not felt in a long while. And it felt SO good! And then I wondered where it had been all this while. Is it so hard to feel happy? Is happy such a fleeting feeling these days? (note: it's not that I'm not happy with my life. In fact I find more fulfilment in doing what I do than I have anywhere else. It is my honour and pleasure to serve GOd this way. Sure there will always be unsatisfaction here and there. But in this side of heaven, surely! Yet it is my heart that feels heavy from so many a burden and pain. That I don't know how to enjoy much anymore or simply feel happy and not worry or try so hard to be...)

So I thank the people who were willing to indulge me and make me happy. I thank God for such people in my life and I thank God for always knowing and always giving that little that I need to go on. I know that you're amazing and that this is who You are and who You will always be. I know that You will always love me like that and care for me like that. I want to learnt to always trust You like that. Knowing that You hold everything in the palm of Your hands and that all resources comes from You - no matter what form it comes from or from who. Teach me to let go and allow myself enjoy.

Have you ever notice how the clouds rush into itself and roll over the horizon? Have you ever notice the layers of colours in a sunset? Have your heart ever stop short from looking at a sight because it was too beautiful for words? =)

Hope and meaning

I've heard about him some time back and even used it to motivate the youth. But it never fails to inspire me again. So watch the video below and be inspired!

So many times we focused our attention on our own needs and wants and lack and it really does make us more miserable. When we start to look within ourselves, what really did we expect to find? Something extraordinary? But when we begin to look out and beyond, and really hang our hearts on our sleeves, we find extraordinary meaning in the things we can do.

How long can I moan for an iphone or blackberry when there are many who do not even have telephone connected to their homes or that they do not have anyone who'd want to look for them to begin with. We must go, we must see, we must give, we must share, we must care. Then regardless of what I don't have, or what's been wronged me, or what issues I might have... it pales by comparison.

I've got to remember, as I remember my God-given dream, that it's not about how much I can withstand or bear. It has always been about Him.

almost familiar books

The other day as I was having lunch and I saw this side book-stall (the kind that sells cheap chinese books which I normally don't bother to stop to look since I can't read Chinese). The front cover graphic caught my eye as it was familiar. Twilight! They're selling that cheap? They may have other favourable books then! So I thought. A closer look revealed that the familiar covered books were splattered with Chinese characters. Wow. They translated all these books? There was The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, all the Twilight series, and other popular books which I can't recall right now.

Yes, it's my birthday yesterday

Yes it's another year. This time I'm not that excited. After all, my age is beginning to stare me in the face and scoff! And it's not that I feel old - I feel exactly the same - but the realization, I guess, is what gets to you. Hmm..

I woke up in the morning not know what to expect or even hope for. Not hoping for anything won't set me up for disappointment right? So that's what I decided to do. Woke up early enough, amazingly, and decided to take off early too. I was greeted by a beautiful sight - the sky was dotted by fluffy clouds that decorated the sky all the way to work. =) This may mean nothing to you, but it was a beautiful greeting by its Creator! I serve an awesome God!

My Blog has a new outlook

Upon entering my blog, you should have noticed. I'm renovating at the moment so there's more to come. Please be patient as I edit the small details and add more tabs...

Tell me what you think so far.

(also will be updating back-posts soon.)

Elaine is married!

So a bunch of people traveled down to Singapore to witness (and join in the joyous occasion, as weddings usually are). It was a beautiful wedding where, as my uncle puts it, the bride and groom are very fortunate to have good friends being their kulis and doing all the 'running around' for them to prepare for this day. We all need such good friends who would take the time out and risk their necks and sacrifice having panda eyes for you. And this they did have.

So my cousin sister is married. Congrats to both Cyrus and Elaine and may God bless your marriage greatly as He has blessed your lives and studies and experiences.

What the world is coming to

What is the world coming to? In the news today, a primary school girl was raped by the school bus driver in front of other children passenger in broad day light. Fortunately for her, passersby heard the screams and came to her rescue. There was a time when these shameful crimes were done in secret but these days madmen emerges in the day. The vampires are no longer afraid of the sun cos they sparkle and not melt. That's the symbolism of today. It's not just a story.

Back in the library

It's back in the library for me. One more week to push everything through. I keep telling myself I should have started earlier but I wouldn't listen. Sigh!~ reaping the consequences of my laziness as I slog through to finish before I take off this weekend. 5 more to go.

Thank God for this library so close to home - and it's huge and full of resources too. It's big, it's comfy, it's quiet, it's Wi-Fied. This is currently my little desk corner (those cubicle desks in the movies).


Oh yea, did you see the moon last night? What a looker! Such a beautiful sight!

in the Master's Hands

There are a lot of things I don't understand
But I'll leave it in the Master's hand
For to come up with my own plan
Would be the foolish alternative of every man
~Me


Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding
In all your ways acknowledge Him
and He shall direct your paths
~Proverbs 3:5-6


Heart don't fail me now
Courage don't desert me
Who knows where this road will go
People always say
Life is full of choices
No one ever mentions fear...
~"Journey to the Past", Aaliyah


When the reigns of life escapes my hand
And time slips through my fingers like sand
Heart take courage that the Lord will understand
And He will guide your ship safely to land
~Me

In Christ Alone

Woke up thinking of this song:



Reminding myself...

That my trust - about my life, my future, everything - must be in Christ alone! My thoughts and admiration, my focus and hope, my self worth and security, my all in all.

Rappelling

That's not me, btw. That's Steph. Someone forgot to take a pic of me =( But nonetheless I climbed five huffing-puffing floors up to scale five free flying storeys down. I don't really know why I did it, but they say you should try everything once - there's so much to life to live.

"Tangan kanan pegang tali"

Now which hand is that.

"Lepas dinding tu"

Oh that hand

"Okay now sit"

Errm, sit on what?

"Your harness will hold you. Just sit on your harness"

In mid air?!?

"I'm holding you. Just sit."

Ok, okay, sit. My legs are pretty numb now.

"Ok now put your leg down"

Down where?

"Put your feet under the ledge. On the wall."

What? Wait! Let me breath. *gasp* *gasp*

"Ok now let go. Trust me. I'm holding you. Just let go"

I trust you! But I just can't let go!

God knows how long I was there before I finally found myself rappelling down the wall, leg slipping on the wall, hands refusing to let go of the rope with yells of "let go of the rope". But I can now proudly say I've done it *grins* I have a scrapped shin, aching left arm and abs (can't left my arm above my head) - shows how out of shape I am. hehe.

Events Events

Alright here's a diary of events in the month of June. This listing is for me, not you. Partly I don't know where to put my pictures and partly I would like to remember these (not sure why yet) few years from now.


So there was the Chan Wa Concert Band on the 18th of June. Including this, it would be my third time. Though I do not entirely appreciate the art of ochestra but it's rather impressive to see a collection of a hundred students coming together to put together an amateur yet beautiful presentation. (I can't tell if it goes out anyway) Besides, some of my youths were there and I make it a point =)




Oh my, yes, I do need to put this picture in as well. Our family decided to pop in a show house Sunday afternoon - Pearl132 by IJM - the one that has been advertised all over S2 just to take a look. The decorator was simply splendid and I loved her concepts.

I made Lynne stand in the toilet and stretch out her hand to show the length of the bathroom (which as you can see is partitioned into the bathing area and the sink area - makes for convenient when sharing).



And then there was that bird that built a nest outside my house again. The babies hatched - what do you call them? Chicks? - and were constantly chirping from hunger. It didn't take long for the mother to relocate them though, either due to the noise of my clanging front grill doors or the intrusion of one adopted bird that fell out of another nest and placed in that nest (by us).




We celebrated my grandma's birthday together with father's day that Sunday. What was the date? How old is she already? 85? I'm not entirely sure. All I know is that she is very old yet still rather strong - anxiously waiting to see more of her grandchildren marry off and perhaps a few great grand kids to show for it. Well I told her to continue to intercede for us.

Yes, Bella is officially part of the family.




It's also back to the library for me for almost 3 weeks of day and night classes (faint). So I've been missing for some time... spending my days in very cold classrooms and libraries (seeing more reference books than all my life put together), hoping to push through a few subjects till the end of July (what was I thinking?). But here goes... pray for me - for strenght and perseverance, for ideas and rajin-ness. Dear God, help me!

Church Camp Pre Trip-ers

This is a back blog. I've decided not to change the date of the blog.
Church Camp was June 13-16, 2010 in Summerset Resort, Rompin.

In writing about the past Church Camp, I've decided to write from a different slant. Everyone else is already talking about the events during the actual camp. Personally (and I'm not whining or grumbling) I was rather pre occupied and busy the entire camp that most of it escapes me. Except for the pleasure of being in the company of my peers (it has been quite a long time since).

A few of us were told to go ahead of the rest (a day early) to ensure all is in order and to fix the rooming which till then was yet to be released to us. This story is told to show what a pre team actually does.

So Winne, JoFo and myself, along with the little one hoped into the car and started our 3 hour journey to Rompin. Unc.Frankie and Philip packed into another van together with as much instruments as we can carry. 3 hours we were told, which did not sound all that bad. Of course, it really didn't feel like just three hours when you're traveling on trunk roads and passing hundreds of kampung houses in the pouring rain. In fact, for us, it was 4.5hours. But JoFo kept us entertained.

Upon arrival, of course, we checked out the resort and checked into our rooms. Although it did take rather long that for all that to happen, due to technical difficulties. The waiting was tiring. But in the course of time we managed to keep the equipment, check out the grounds, settle into a room (after that much waiting, any room would do), having dinner and meeting with the resort representative to discuss the finalization of the camp details on top of having to prepare stuff for the kids camp. That was for the night. My camera was fully utilized.

All these activities proved too much for us girls as we plopped in bed watching Tremor 4 and stuffing our faces with shoestring potatoes. *yum* Eventually we called it a night. The next day, I predicted, would be a long day. And I was right.

After a slow morning and a prolonged breakfast, and welcoming the team from the chinese department, we pursued the resort for the yet-to-be-given rooms. Finally with the list... we sat down to finalized the rooming. I wish to say it was only a matter of dividing and plotting but it was impossible to please everyone. With the limited resources and unfortunate circumstances at hand (late room and not the most ideal of positions), some people's need had to be overlooked. It was with the heaviest of heart. (Next time just pay more and get a place with elevator!)

Of course, that was not the only problem. Normally, we check every room to make sure it is okay before any of our members arrive to check in themselves. But if you're getting the keys at 4pm and some as late as 9pm, wouldn't you say its impossible and some rooms deemed unusable and has to be changed? And thus was my job. Anyone else wants my job?

More pictures and narration on Facebook.

Slacking

It's been some time since I posted a new entry. Looks like my hecticness did not end. But was it really busy-ness or laziness? I don't really know. Though it sounds contradicting, I think it's both.

Here's me trying to update my blog (for memory purposes) on what's been happening in the last 4 weeks or so. There was Camp, there was grandma's birthday, there is the Studying, and many random things in between like the baby bird hatching in the nest just outside, the visit to pearl132, chan wa band concert. I don't even know where to start....

*at this point, laziness begins to take over again. As @nne looks at the list of things to blog about and the amount of pictures stored in her camera, her mind begins to tell her she has no time for this right now. So she decided to postpone blogging again. Cell is, after all, in an hour*

A hectic weekend

Sometimes i wonder if we're busy cos we have that many things to do or we're busy cos we choose to be so. some of us are unfortunate to be force into such circumstances, some of us seek out such circumstances - consciously or unconsciously. I don't like the idea that i'm busy or am known to be that, but i do fill up my calendar. (a nicely filled up calendar gives certain satisfaction) Is it totally wrong to fill that life should not be wasted, that there is so much to do? Ironically I don't spend as much time doing my personal things (clear my hdd, do my shopping, etc).

Last weekend was one of those weekends. It was busy yet rather satisfying.

A fundraiser...


























A wedding...
















And dinner with the gals...




















I've learnt to pace myself and enjoy it at the same time. So why would u think i'm miserable because I'm tired? I'm just tired cos I don't exercise enough for the right amount of stamina. But the things I do makes sense. Has purpose. And how many people can really say that? Not too many right?

However, on a side note, I do need to start doing a few other important things. Note to self. You don't need to know exactly what though.

Effort to win the public

With the recent political upheaval in the country, the only thing that can be expected from all parties, is an effort to win the heart of the public - to right the wrong sin this country. Logically. But much time and effort was spent in pointing fingers, bringing up controversial issues, covering up more dirt... makes any thinking countrymen roll their eyes and cover our heads in shame. Grow up already!

However, this morning newspaper reports Government Transformation Program towards building a better Malaysia. (4 page spread). See picture below. One of the plans include improving the public transportation in the urban areas. Finally?

I want to believe the people on top are starting to wake up and fight for the country - for whatever their personal reasons are. In the end we just wanna believe there's hope for the country. There's hope for its citizens. But the only we thing we can do is sit and pray and watch if it comes to pass. It's really about time....

Magnificient Views

Oh I suddenly remembered.... here's something that I simply must tell - be it to the world or to remind myself. A few days ago, it was a Sunday evening, my sisters and I were in a car heading for dinner with the family. The family being in a different car. We've outgrown the ability to fit into just one car (with the grandma and all). So over the ramps of S2 we went, against the backdrop of a setting sun. The scenery we beheld, because of a slightly longer drive we took, was enchanting.

A full semi circle rainbow shone proudly in the east. We could see both ends of the rainbow. As the sun began to set, turning the sky into a strong orangy-yellow, the rainbow's colour became even more vivid. What leaps in our heart when we see a rainbow? Is it not the drawings of an eight year old or a scientific experiment of a young teenager? But to see it strong and vibrant before us... took our breath away. Winne reminded me to fix my eyes on the road instead of to the skies. I thought of what the rainbow meant - a promise of the God Almighty, who created everything that lived and hold us in the palm of His hands, to never destroy the earth with flood again. Which is a relief cos who can stand against that? But it's more than that... it's an assurance that God loves this world so much... and He announces His love across the skies. What's more amazing then that we saw a second lighter rainbow outlining the first. Only a few inches (our measurements) above the main rainbow as if to emphasize its existence. WOW!

The sun was setting behind the cloudy evening sky. The clouds that rained just hours earlier and threatened to rain again, turned angry yellow. Its puffiness in the sky, however, did not give it the fierce impression that it should have. It gave passionate affect to the sun as it said its goodbye for the day. Streams of light shot brilliantly through the clouds in the west. The horizon was bursting with colours: white, yellow, orange, red, and grey. Lynne exclaimed that she should have brought her camera and that she shall get her DSLR for ocassions like these. Of course, none of us had a camera ready for occassions such is these. And that indeed was such a waste. Although I don't think I would have had the guts to be been stopping traffic just to take pictures have I brought one. But the sky was magnificiently brilliant - from east to west - the master artist was just putting his finishing touches. You could see the colour actually getting bolder as time went by (until before it became dark completely).

Of course this was not the picture that I took. I mean what's with the footballers in the stadium? But it was roughly how it look like when it started. Now just imagine yellowish puffy clouds behind the rainbow. The sun was setting on the opposite side, as I said earlier.

Wait, wait, there's more. The description is not over. After all we thought was already majestic, we saw lightning. Can lightning be plural since we saw more than one? Lightning split across the sky and struck horizontally and across the rainbow. Yes, from left to right, and not heaven to earth. Indeed! Those skinny electrical spikes continued to display its power - horizontally! Winne decided that it must be the end of the world. Lynne wondered if it's some kind of special day for such a show. Victor simply gaped at the sight, as did I. Well not as much as I wanted since I was driving.

But yea.. it was an awesome sight! I really wish you were there to see it.

Writer's Block

I think I'm having writer's block. I can't clearly think what to write for my blog. I had a couple of ideas but I either could not produce clear sane thoughts for it while sitting in front of the computer or it was deemed unsuitable (by myself) to be published.

Sure, things are happening in my life just too lazy to talk about, as I can't bring myself to emote it.

I feel really zoned out recently and can't get my head around things. It feels like I'm in a daze most of the time, fighting to focus on what's at hand. Even coffee isn't helping all that much. My heart finds it difficult to truly engage and my God feels slightly out of reach. I know He's there but I'm not reaching my hands out to grasp Him. My body feels weak and my head haunted by all kinds of voices. I feel imprisoned by the will of others around me, and I can't find my own. After years of following other wills, you begin to loose your own.

Heart don't fail me now, courage don't desert me...

I need to find my sense of being again... before it gets swept away by the current

Be strong and courageous

Deuteronomy 31:5-8 (TNIV)

The LORD will deliver them to you, and you must do to them all that I have commanded you. Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.

Then Moses summoned Joshua and said to him in the presence of all Israel, "Be strong and courageous, for you must go with this people into the land that the LORD swore to their ancestors to give them as their inheritance. The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."


Joshua 1:3-9 (TNIV)

I will give you every place where you set your foot, as I promised Moses. Your territory will extend from the desert to Lebanon, and from the great river, the Euphrates—all the Hittite country—to the Mediterranean Sea in the west. No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you. Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their ancestors to give them.

"Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

Finished in 2 days

[edited]: I started this blog thinking I finished the book in 1 day. But realized a day later, that I had not taken Sunday into account. Sigh~

A new record! I finished reading a book in TWO days. unlike many insane bookworms, I'm a rather slow reader and can't usually finish within a day. Still can't apparently. and comics don't count. So I feel unusually proud of this rather insignificant achievement that I had to blogged it. *beams* Well it doesn't seem so significant now.. since it was TWO days instead of one.

Alright Alright I'll admit. I start reading 2 pages Sat night (after midnight so it's considered today, right?). Half the book on Sun and half on Mon. And the book has only 213 pages with probably size 14 font and 1.5 spacing. On top of that it's a children's book. Nancy Drew and Hardy Boys to be exact.

But it was the contemporary version and I thought it'll be interesting to see how the authors are keeping up with times. And they're doing a good job with the modern language and terms. Very enjoyable! It alternates the story from Frank, Joe and Nancy's perspective.



Excerpt from the book:

(Joe's perspective)
But [Frank] was also worried that one of the girls would say something to blow our cover here. And he was worried that he wouldn't know what to say to them. And he was worried that the dig supervisor would get mad at us for leaving our quadrants. And he was probably also worried about something totally irrelevant, like global warming. Frank worries a lot.

Clouds

I backed out of my house this morning and saw the sky. The sky was clear blue with fluffy cotton-like clouds peeping from behind my house. Driving to work a few minutes later, I caught sight of the sky again. It looked like rolls of wool, unrolled and spread out. It looked like rolling Greek beard. They also look like sand in the sky. It was so cute!

What are clouds made of? I put this on my msn and these are the answers I got:

michelle thong says:
clouds are made of sugar, and spice and everything nice! =D

shungz says:

clouds are made out of cotton and woolly stuff ....

the gov sends helicopters to put those things up in the sky every 2 weeks once

Arthur "Marco" Tan says:

fine crystalized (frozen) water

Arnold says:
clouds are made of water

Joeljv says:
cotton candy :D


But did you know clouds remind me of daydreaming. They are a lot alike. They can be seen but not touched, they come out of nowhere and float over your head and then fly away just as easily. And everyone has a personal version of what it means or look like. They pull a shade over your eyes to cool you from the heat. I think clouds are made of people's dreams.

Close your eyes... and let dreams envelope you...

I'm rambling again... I can't think properly...

Silence is golden

Is silence golden or signs of danger? It really depends doesn't it? Does keeping quiet mean you have nothing to say or that there's no one to hear you? I teach classes and when I ask 'does anyone have any question', many a times nobody does. Does that mean they really have no questions or that they have nothing they are bold enough to ask?

Why do we hold back what we want to say? Why do we accidentally say what we don't want to say? And when do you say what you should and hold back what we shouldn't? Some people argue that they are direct and speaks their mind, but is that always alright? Some people defend that they don't want to cause trouble or are afraid and rather not say anything, but will that make it alright? I know extremes are never good.

Words are such powerful things. We have no idea just how damaging an innocent intent can be. We get so selfish and arrogant about our 'right' that we forget to have a heart for people. Is saying what we want really more important. In such cases, silence is golden.

But when do you find the courage to stand up and say something when it is necessary, instead of hiding till the storm passes. Most of us are too afraid to rock the boat or look like the bad guy that we hide and wait. Ignorance is bliss, we say. The storm will pass, we say. In such cases, silence is not golden.

What marks a good friend, leader, partner... is the wisdom to know when to speak, and when not to.

I'm just rambling.... thinking about a lot of stuff recently. Feels like I got so much to say and nothing at the same time. Much that should be said yet much that should not. And it's enough to drive a person insane.

Arts and Design

I hear of all the art student needing to learn to draw in college and do all kinds of editing using computer software. All those drawing tablets and stuff... So when I needed my own logo (since i couldn't find a suitable one online) for the upcoming event, I resorted to drawing.

Though I usually get C for P.Seni in school... this aint bad. haha... I mean it's a start =) This took 2 hours of my morning.... And it will probably go unnoticed... but I wanted to give my best.

Easter Musical 2010: Bow the Knee

While the town of Seremban was covered with buntings on the road and flyers in people's mailbox, the talk on many's tongue was Agape's Musical - and I'm not trying to boast. It was that time again when we put on a Musical for anyone and all to see. And we always give our best. This was where my interest in theatre began.

So for 3 nights, volunteers arrive as early as 2pm for mic test and all kinds and test; 4 pm for make up and dress up; 6pm dinner and prayer and more prep! By 7.30 the choir neatly hides themselve behind the screen, awaiting showtime at 8.15pm as guest starts to roll on. And as we've warn our friends, come early. Seriously. On Saturday night, we had an overflow and even had to turn people away at the age as there was absolutely no more space. My feet hurts from standing the entire time, all 3 days.

I'll leave the reviewing to our guest on their facebooks, albums, blogs. Here's a few pics for the file. My pics were mostly on volunteers and not much on stage.



I'm not in the mood nor have the resources to compile an extensive archive of the Musical. Many have already done so. But I thank God for the high level of voluntarism and willingness in Agape that made this possible. I mean nobody was paid for this and we charge nothing. In fact, we invested more than we got back. But that's how the Kingdom of God works, and I pray that each and everyone of us will realise that it's more than just a big show we can shout about. I pray that seeds have been planted and God will continue to work in their lives. Continue to use us - that we slack not. Not now...

I know real results for an event like this is rather hard to measure or seen. Sometimes we even wonder why we do what we do. But we gotta believe that it is not us but God who will work in their lives. It may be a return call, it may be a seed, it may be the first impression to a church, it can be even years before they finally give their life over. But God does work and will. His word will not go forth void.

More photos of the extensive preparation, volunteers, and effort to put the Musical together here. Seriously, take a look. If you have never been to one of our Musicals. One day, you have to make it a point. And bring a friend.