Monday, March 30, 2009


Recently I looked into the issue of abortion for my research paper. In the view of the sanctity of life, I took the stand that abortion is wrong.
Wrong is too mild a word. The paper was suppose to support my stand from the perspective of medical science, theology, psychology, sociology and any other '-logy' there is.

Abortion is not a new topic and will be around for a long time more. It is much debated about in what's been called the 'abortion rights debate', which started during the Roe v. Wade case in 1973. One would need to think about many perspective of the issue. There is the health issues. Did you know that abortion is 4 times deadlier than childbirth and is linked to breast cancer? Another question that pops up is whether a fetus is a person. And although psychologists argue otherwise, biological science has concluded tat at conception, an embryo is a full human being and tat a fetus have its own characteristics and habits. Others argue that women should have the right over their own body, but I wonder about the baby's right to life. The bible has never addressed the issue of abortion per se because it was unthinkable, but does emphasize on the sanctity of life to God. We can also see that the laws of abortion varies in different nations depending on the culture and situation of their country. I suppose one cannot impose their beliefs to another culture or situation.

“There is something truly odd about the discussion of abortion rights. The discussion is a bit one-sided. All of the participants in the debate are alive, and the interested parties whose lives depend on the outcome of the debate are all absent — either dead or about to be killed.” By Walter Sneider, Abortion - Deadly Politics.

And as much as I wanna say it is clear to me that abortion is not natural and should not be the 'choice' of selfish women, when it comes to cases like rape or life-threatening situations, I really don't have the answer. Every stand becomes gray. All I know is that that God is sovereign and merciful.

But why can't we talk about the real issue behind abortion? Is abortion an excuse for us to live life promiscuously and flamboyantly, without a care and responsibility in the world? Let's not try to fight the symptom, let's find the root problem. There is a bigger moral dilemma that our world is facing. 93% of abortion cases are for selfish conveniences - finances, too old, too young, not ready, inconvenient, not married, etc. Over a million induced abortions in the States, and almost 500,000 in India (year 2000). That's insane!

John Willke, president of the National Right to Life of Greater Cincinnati, asked the right question when he asked “Since when does anyone's right to live depend upon someone else wanting them”

The church has always been accused of being judgmental, scaring away half the women facing the consequences of their mistakes. Maybe we need to step up and show the same kinda grace that Jesus showed the women caught in adultery. Maybe we can educate prevention and wholesome relationships and lifestyles, like what Focus on the Family is doing with young people through 'No Apologies'.

I don't wanna stand and tell a young girl not to abort because it's wrong. I wanna tell her about the wonderful life that God has install for her if she never walk down that road in the first place.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Lovers of self

I saw a trailer for Renee Zellweger's new film "New in Town" where co-star, Harry Connick Jr. was caught saying (during the interview) that in small towns people generally help each other, even strangers in the middle of the road. No questions asked. If you grew up in a tiny town, you'll be able to understand what he's saying. Because helping another person is only natural. People knew how to love another.

Just the other day I chance upon someone's handphone picture gallery.

Immediately my heart was saddened at the truth behind the words. True in respect to today's generation. True that we find ourselves selfishly doing things for our own gain. That it was about what I felt, what I wanted, what was fair to me, what was my right. We've gotten more vain, more concerned about our image, more conceited, more kiasu.

Think about that for a moment. A lot of our rationalizations are actually attempts to make our selfishness seem less selfish.
I find that I'm guilty of that too.

The scripture that came into mind, where Paul warns Timothy that in the last days people will be lovers of themselves instead.

2 Timothy 3:1-5
But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days.
People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive,
disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited,
lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with them!

And today we see an entire generation that have fulfilled prophecy.

Let's think about that for a moment....................

Thursday, March 19, 2009

What has become of our world?

In the last decade alone, our world has taken such a leap into the unknown. The differences between generations has become larger a lot quicker. And suddenly, we've stepped on the express lane heading head first towards end times. And that is a scary thought.

What is to become of a generation that no longer understands that there is a truth, and that that truth cannot be changed nor compromised? What becomes of a generation that gives in to what their heart wants, and fall back on our their unreliable feelings? In this media age, we've become so caught up with all that isn't even real. How would we recognize what is anymore? I watched a session (Mark Gungor's Marriage seminar) about how a lot of men in the States (according to statistics) have chosen porn over a living breathing woman. The virtual reality world has penetrated out lives and our thinking so much so that it was changed an entire generation - in their behaviors, their values, their lifestyle and the very crust of what a society is. It's scary. In Japan, teachers are being replaced by robots. How can robots be the molder of the next generation?!!?

We follow reality shows like they are people we can look up to, idolizing anyone who is "lucky" enough to have the lifestyle of the rich and famous. How many of them are good role models for our young? What happens when the dreams become a crave? And people buy into the reel life?
Anyone in the position of influence can stand up and declare a 'truth' and people will believe these days. There is a new age belief that is against everything Christians have been believing. And people are following it by the thousands.

The end is truly near... Christians need to start standing up instead of just surviving.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Another ui

ui = unindentified injury

It was discovered yesterday, that I have yet another bruise on me. This time it's almost black in colour. And no, i'm sure it's not ink. It was found on my calves, at the back of my knee.

I can't recall or imagine how I got that bruise. I doubt I could bruise that part during sleep either.

I also discovered (later) blood on my knuckles and on my shoulder. I did not realize that I had scratched myself till it bled over.
And I'm pretty sure I'm not self abusive.

It's one of those x-file incidents.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

not ashamed of the gospel?

You'd think I have no problem with this. But I do. I can preach it and pray about it but I still have that fear.

I carried my heavy, thick 'Christian Theology' to the bank and JPJ, knowing I can catch up on my reading assignment during the LONG waits in those places. In holding my book and reading it, I hope to God nobody notices what I'm reading. How in the world am I to explain what that is. True enough, two people decided to ask me. An Indian Mak Cik and a petite Malay lady.

"Studying ah?" They ventured to ask. They think I'm a student *beams*

"Ya," I politely answered with a sweet apologetic smile and directed my attention back to the book.
Please don't ask the next question, I kept repeating in my head. Please don't ask what I'm studying or where I'm studying. It was so hard to answer that I'm studying Theology at a Bible College. I know my answer will follow with gawks and awkward silences or even a polite and forced "good for you" instead of "you crazy ah".

Thankfully they did not venture to ask further. Probably not wanting to disturb me further.

Or had I just missed an opportunity to testify? Sigh!~ Silly me. =(

Monday, March 09, 2009

Book Indulgence

I've always loved books. Used to read 2-3 books a week in higher primary primary and lower secondary. Would visit the second hand bookstores, people's libraries and so on. I loved ETC's and Rachel's book libraries (when I chance to go there for cell those many years ago).
The reality was this:
  • I couldn't afford to be buying books.
  • My sight was worsening as I indulge in books.
  • I was shutting the world out when I sit by myself and read.
  • I had to study.
So I stopped. Read only two books a year. Tops. My eyesight power was too high. Didn't want to risk going blind. I never allowed myself to want to buy books. At least not brand new ones that cost 30-50bucks. To me it was ridiculous. Second hands were okay as they only cost a max of rm20. And so that was how it was. Until one fine day.
  • I realised I could afford.
  • I realised I should read more (my english was deteriorating).
  • I realised my sight had stabalized.
  • I realised I still wanted that library.
So it started one dreary day while I was soothing my down times, walking alone down the aisle of Popular, allowing myself to browse. I saw it. Jane Austen's "Sense and Sensibility". I actually like classics. And wanted it. And I bought it after another 10minutes of consideration. And read it. And was glad. Recently, I allowed myself the pleasure of buying books. As strange as that statement may sound to many. I actually feel happy after buying a book. I'm also starting to 'get' the shopping therapy. Oh no... And here's the recent addition to my library - one I'm starting to build for Aspirers and for myself (separately). Note to youth: Screwtape letters for Aspirers - about . a senior devil writing letters to his nephew, a junior devil, about how to lure and destroy his human subject. Note to self: I need to start reading the books I'm buying.

Sunday, March 08, 2009

Vaio Vive

Have you ever eyed something and knew in the depths of your heart that you wanted it? Some of us would just go for it. Some others, like myself, would hesitate, more often than not, and partially believe it's not ours for the taking (in some twisted sense). Well, I don't often see something I really want. And even less often reward myself with it. No, I don't understand myself either.

I wanted a Vaio CS. A blood-red Vaio. [Refer] But it comes with the higher end model. So I settled for Pearl White. The same colour as James, my MyVi. I wanted as much memory capacity as possible too - 4Gb. But the lower end model has only 2Gb. We gotta live with what we can get rite?

So my dear friends, who do not think I can do this on my own, came with me. They won't even let me drive my own car up, loan me a lot of cash so I hav
e no other excuse, bargained and checked with the shops cause I won't dare to, embarassed me with all the questions they asked regarding the Vaio, even carried it after. I'm glad they did. Was literally my driving force to get the Vaio I had only said I wanted but still delayed to getting it. I felt like I was dragged up and had the laptop shoved into my hands. Thank God for irritating friends like that. That's testimony#1.

Here's testimony#2. They actually ran out of the white I wanted. I felt like
merajuk-ing to Lav like a spoilt child cos I did not want to settle for any of the other two colours. I regret I didn't trust that God would give me the best that I wanted. I was upset (over a colour. How childish!). But at the very next shop, that Der insist on checking out, their branch had JUST called about an available final stock white one! Hallelujah! On top of that they were upgrading it to 4GB for absolutely FREE! (I asked him thrice if he was sure). I almost couldn't believe my blessing.

So I got:
A white Sony Vaio CS
with free upgrade to 4gb
and free laptop bagpack
and free bluetooth laser mouse

In that split moment I felt like hugging God, mentally. (I didn't actually feel the actual excitement till the day after - delayed reactions) I didn't even pray about it or for it. And I hadn't been as devoted as I wished I was yet He saw the desires of my heart and He granted it. There was no condition clause! It was like God saying "Nah, for you. Be happy. Know that I see your heart's desires. Now and always." ETC onced said God knows you're gonna use it for ministry so why won't he give if you only ask. Why not ask? I sincerely do not know. But even so. He blows my mind.

So here is she..... Yes its a 'she'.
Because it looks like a girl lah.
Vaio Vive

Note: I'm taking my own sweet time to migrate over. I need to borrow all kinds of installers, please.

Wednesday, March 04, 2009


Chapter 18: Prayer,
Systematic Theology by Wayne Grudem [page 390] Several benefits come from fasting, all of which affect our relationship to God:
  1. Fasting increases our sense of humility and dependence on the Lord
    (our hunger and physical weaknesses remind us how we are not really strong but need the Lord)
  2. Fasting allows us to give more attention to prayer
  3. Fasting reminds us that, just as we sacrificed our personal comfort by not eating, we must continually sacrifice all of ourselves to him
  4. Fasting is a good exercise in self discipline, strengthening our ability to refrain from sin
    (training to accept the small suffering willingly, we will be better able to accept other suffering for the sake of righteousness)
  5. Fasting heightens spiritual and mental alertness and a sense of God's presences as we focus less on material things.
  6. Fasting expresses earnestness and urgency in our prayers
    (we are saying to God that we are prepared to lay down our lives that the situation be changed)
Perhaps I should fast more. But it's so hard....

He knows best

I've always wanted to be married by 28 and start my own home. I can't wait to 'play house' and fuss about furnitures and household chores (as boring as they sound to many ppl). And I want children of my own. I want the kind of commitment the media marked as feared and unwanted.

But I suppose it is my singlehood and support that has allowed me to do what I did these last few years. Ministry has had my undivided focus to be advanced. I would not have heard God if I had been preoccupied. I suppose He knows best and makes all things beautiful in His time.

I've always wanted that streak of independent adulthood. To live and taste life as any young adult ever did. To believe I can reach for the stars or dine under them. I looked across and the pasture looks greener, as they always do. We're all taken in by the media. A life like that is always tempting. Age has that effect on you.

But I suppose it is the simplicity of my life that thought me to appreciate the little things in life, to remember there are those in need. Compassion can be caught and learnt. And at the end of the day, it's the simplicity of life that won my heart. Luxury looses its sparkle when learnt the simple joys of seeing lives grow. I suppose He knows best and plants eternity in our hearts.

I've always wanted to travel the world and see all nature's beauty. To say I've been there and I've done that - said with the different chops on my passport. I'd like to live and taste the world's diverse culture, to marvel at God's creativity be it nature or people. To find that people are so different yet innately the same somehow. A lifetime would not have suffice to see all that the world has to offer.

But I suppose it is this town that my heart is most familiar with, where God has called me to dwell for now. The rest of the world can wait when God's calling is concerned. The world is going no where. I wonder if it's man's similarity or diversity which attracts me most. I've been blessed to have gone to different places, as doors are being opened and my desire fulfiled. Perhaps one day I'd get to, one city at a time. I suppose He knows best and holds tomorrow in His secure hands.

Sometimes I don't believe that I can have what I want,
yet as I look around me I realise He has answered many of my little desires. Sometimes I'm too afraid to reach out and believe, yet God brings people of situations right unto my lap. Why then am I still afraid? Why then do I still find it hard sometimes to believe it's mine for the taking? Why then I still want those things I have chosen to forego? You don't have because you don't ask. Ask and you will receive, knock and the door will be opened. Sometimes fear gets the better of me and I find myself still standing behind the iron bars I thought I'd walk out of, ashamed of what was and is.

Sovereign Lord, give me the strength to endure, the courage to break forth, patience to wait upon You, serenity to accept, wisdom to decipher and make right choices, discipline in the everday, faith to conquer, compassion for the broken, humility to learn, and more of You.

"I'm set apart, not living life my own ways..."

May I know the reality of that.

Monday, March 02, 2009


My maid claims there was a baby crocodile walking down our bushes this afternoon. One as long as the length of your forearm.

I wonder perhaps if it was a very large monitor lizard instead. I live on a hill, far from any source of water or swamp. There never has been a croc in the area before. There has been frogs, snakes, monkeys, squirrels, monitor lizards, but never a croc.

If it where a baby croc, the mother must be near by. What news that'll be for Seremban town. Should I turn Croc Hunter? Let me get my khakis.