City Above the Clouds

Sponteniety is so not me. It would literally drive me crazy if you don't allow me to plan, even if it's just with myself. I have this obsession to plan. And I guess that is why I take so long to decide somethings.... especially if they are really important in my life.

That is why, I decided to leave it to them this time.

And so we went all the way up the hills to where the entire Malaysia gathered. (It's crazy this time of the year) Andrew, Jenny and myself came from Seremban, whilst Kin Sang, Lavinia, Joanne and Elaine Goh from KL.

We did not do any of those things commonly done in Genting (theme park or Casino). Nope, our entertainment was ourselves. We walked around a lot, ate a lot. And sat around a lot. It was really a refreshing time to just relax, not think of work or the things we need to do. It was refreshing to just hang and laugh. I guess it is so important to find time to relax, re-energize, realign our thoughts, re-orientate ourselves. And to stay young. But I guess it's easier if your friends are like these:

More pictures here.

Merdeka

Happy Independence Day! Malaysia is 49yrs old and soon to hit its golden jubilee. And I managed to read most of the newspaper today - surrounding topics on Independence. One article in which I liked was written by Azmi Sharom on The Star about what Merdeka really means to us today. And I believe that if such spirits and convictions leave within each Malaysian, we'd really go far, instead of the constant bickering and empty remarks made by some of our top politicians.

But, let's not start on that. I'm sure most people have already heard comments on that more than once. I want to state some of the things that I love about Malaysian. And I find that what I love about Malaysia is very similar with what most Malaysians love about Malaysia. Here goes:

(not in any order)

1) the variety of 'rojak' food. Some called it fusion cos its so mixed that it has to be unique by itself. Some find the mixture of food grotesque but I think it makes it truly Malaysian.

2) the types of food we actually have. From Klang Bak Kut Teh, to Ipoh Chicken Rice, to Seremban Beef Noodle. Some people literally go all the way to Penang for that Asam Laksa. It's all about food here, and you can find food at any time of the day or night on any day.

3) the language. Most Malaysians speak at least 2 languages. I myself can understand and speak about 5 (including dialects). But the unique thing is when people have 3 languages in one sentence. (and it's a common phenomena) "Ay sai tumpang me go there ah" and new words like "sampat-ing" and "malu-fying".

4) the diverse and rich culture. From the traditions and the clothes. The new generation that don't mind who's culture they are practicing is emerging. We all know each others and celebrate each other's celebration together. Multi-culture society that is truly emerging and mixing yet retaining it's own culture.

5) home-grown cultures. Things like mamak-ing that you don't find anywhere else in the world.

Dislikes? Yes of course I have. But that's not for today.

My Parents' 25th Anniversary

25 yrs ago my parents got married. They were 24. And what is going through my mind right now? I'm imagining my mom at 25yrs old, holding a few month old baby me....

And today's my daddy and mummy's 25th anniversary. That's SILVER anniversary.
(Considering my parents' got married in Agape the year it started)

We celebrated in Windmill - a nice, very filling dinner. And that was it. I was hoping for some roses and romantic actions. But there was none. Sigh. Almost planned it for them too... if only I thought of it earlier. Aigh! Silly me.

God Is Faithful

'Twas the night before this. I laid in my bed prepared for slumber. My minds had started turning to thoughts of the day and the next day, as it does every night. Thoughts that turned to dreams and hopes, things that will never come or might one day come true. Thoughts of the past and what has been or could have been.

Then it hit me. Oh no! It was my turn to do staff devotion the next day. And I've got nothing prepared. It was half past midnite and I was all tucked in bed. Thought to myself that I will wake up early to prepare. What should I prepare on? The only thing that was in my head at that time was that God is Faithful (inspired by Aunty Jenny's msn message). And 'twas my devotion.

1) God is faithful to forgive our sins.
2) God is faithful to see through the plans in our lives to the end - He doesn't give up on us.
3) God is faithful to rescue us in our times of need.

God is faithful even when we're not. What do you do or say when faced with such devotion from God? What can I do but thank Him, give my life to Him, praise Him, make everything I do a hallelujah.

And now I'll add another (this is what aunty Jenny actually wrote on her MSN)
4) God is faithful to the next generation.

R.AGE - the Spirit of KL

Big fan of Amazing Race? Imagine a local one by local people in our dear old KL City. That's what R.AGE is all about. Receiving tremendous responses by the local KL-ites, it tests one's knowledge of KL (all the local food and places), endurance and perseverance (in the KL heat and traffic jam), and the basic street-wise instinct.

Wanted to watch it on TV. But somehow never found out the time it shows. However, it is on the blog. Not a very good blog. Anyone knows where I can watch episodes of them. Sounds very interesting.

Thank You Lord

It was a normal night like this. And someone suggested we should catch a midnight movie. And so in a flash we go. (ok i think we did do some form of planning) A bunch of us got into our car and just went to Jusco to watch Snakes on the Plane. The show was about snakes... on a plane.... Okay, I will comment no further.

But as we took our seat in the cineplex, I got a message that my mom was being rushed to the hospital. Allergy reaction from insect bite that got her entire body swollen and face slightly disfigured (according to my dad). It was already after midnite and my sister was home alone. First thing that came to my mind was whether I should leave the cinema immediately. (show had just begun) But wait, Andrew drove. I could borrow his car.... Yeah right, like that will happen. He would drive me home if I ask right? It would be unfair.... my thoughts were running away. SMS and calls of updates came throughout the movie. What else could I do but pray? At least my mom was with my dad and at the hospital.

By the time the credits started rolling, a final sms came in to say that mom was well and back home. Mom was brought in in the nick of time. God is faithful to help us in our times of need.

And Yes. HAPPY BIRTHDAY YEOH SU-ANN !! What do you want for your birthday?

Church Camp 2006

They say pictures tell a better tale. However I'm not thoroughly happy with this year's collection of pictures (for story telling that is).

This year we went to Malacce Watercity Resort. At first sight (and thru the lense of Rachel's camera), the place is beautiful. Surrounded with water everywhere and interesting facilities, it seems like too much of a deal. However, with a weather like our's, a bad hotel chef and leaking roof, suddenly it doenst seem very attractive anymore.

But besides that we had our fun. The activities organized were good. And when church people gather, you can gurantee some fun, crazy, loud fellowship. Whatever the age, it never fails to attract attention. I guess what I'm proud to say is that wherever we go (Christian groups, that is), we are able to have clean, crazy times. People wonder, some stare... but I guess it's just part of having that joy in us.

The most defining moments in any camp (in my opinion) is what happens at the altar. That's what the camp is for, isn't it? The get a fresh anointing, to receive a touch from God, to repent and make things right in our lives, to seek God for guidance, to be challenged and encouraged. And my favourite pictures are those of people in worship. To see the nation on its knees, in worship. I love to stand at the altar and just watch people pray. It touches a deep part of my soul. I love most to see children and youth in deep worship and tears. It's a most awesome sight.

But I guess you cant really tell the story of the whole camp. Different people will have different stories to tell. And to really know, well, you got to be there. But one of the most memorable moments, i'm sure, for everyone, would have been the impromptu dance. Check it out, by clicking HERE

For more pictures, click here. For even more pictures than that (plus video), buy the CD from church.

Not My Own

As I was sitting there listening to Rev. Mike Watson (from UK, and he speaks indonesian fluently) share about the beatitudes, he said somethings that struck my chord. You know how some things you already knew but somehow never really KNOW. It's not like I don't know, but at the same time, I never sensed it so real before.

You know how experience can teach you? I learnt two things this camp. (I mean two things that i'm about to share) The first is of my own sensitive nature. I could go blaming everything else in the world, but the problem lies first with myself. The side of me I'm not proud to own to still exist in me. It has lied dormant for a long time now. I don't want to hurt someone I love yet that seemed to have been the case. Lord, take over me as only you can. Can't imagine how people would put up with me. I must have the greatest friends in the world around me.

The other thing was that I no longer belong to myself to be able to fancy doing what I feel like doing. I was bought with a price the day I gave my life to Jesus. What gave me the right to gripe, to complain, to disobey, to walk the other way? I'm bonded by blood. I choosed this path, this road. And I don't regret it. Why would I not want to give my life's control over to the One who made me and that will definitely see me through?

Something I wrote at camp...

Not My Own

I call You "Lord", I call You "Master",
Vowing to go to the ends of th earth;
But when You called I said 'no',
When trouble comes, away I go,
When did I forget

I am not my own,
I was bought with a price,
At the most precious of cost,
My Saviour, Redeemer,
Rescued me and made me Your own,
Now I belong to You

So many times I said 'I love You',
That I want to worship You alone;
But so often things get in the way,
And I made another, 'King',
Why did I forget

I am not my own,
I was bought with a price,
At the most precious of cost,
Emmanuel, Faithful One,
You have called me 'friend' and made me Yours,
Now I belong to You

I stand at the altar and I cry,
I hold hands and I pray,
Yet my heart was far away,
My thoughts turned to another,
Again I forget

I am not my own,
I was bought with a price,
At the most precious of cost,
My Help, My Comfort,
Holy Spirit take over keep me for You,
Cos' now I belong to You

Cos I choose to follow You
I desire to know You more
Cos I choose to honour You
And I know I am Yours...

And another one... (on one of those writing streaks)

You Love Me Still

Yet You love me still
You took my place on the cross
Though You know what I am inside
You love me still
No matter what I do or say
I will always have Your love

You love me
What more will I need?
You love me
What more do I seek?
And You love me
What more can I say?
But You love me
It's never gonna change
That You love me
So I give You all I am
Cos You love me
Hear me sing it now...

Media version of my birthday

In the days of Abraham, the only way you had to remember something was to rely on your memory or some form of written journal. Of course, you had to have a nexk for language to be able to describe a scenario, feeling or thought.

So I thank God that I live in the days where technology can literally bring you back to that moment in time. Picture speaks a thousand words, what more video. Can you imagine the kinda of future that is ahead of us? But anyway I'm gonna make use of that technology now. (note to self, time to get my own camera instead of relying on others')

I got this slightly late but it moved me still. My tear glands were almost activated. It was a short, on-the-fly video and photo compilation for my birthday. (reminder to Hazel: I want an extensive one for my wedding) But honestly, thank you. To view it, click here. And here's another from my dear sister.



I finally got the pics of the night out at Starbucks from Joanne.



For more pictures, visit my multiply album. I was also delighted to find that Joanne took a snippet of the night on her camera. So I uploaded THAT too on my youtube. Experience the sights and sound (noise) below.

LOA

The more popular translation for LOA is lack of attention (which i do not suffer from). But right now I'm referring to the proper medical translation of LOA which stands for Lack of Appetite.

For those who have known me long and well enough will know that I have a big appetite. Yeh Ying says monstrous and friends normally just stare when I say I'm still hungry after jus having dinner. Leftover food normally gets dump in my path. (no wonder I started putting on weight this year) Yea David, this doesn't just happen to you, you know.

Anyway, lately, on top of the lack of sleep syndrome I was getting (which is much better now thank you), I could not eat very much. I have no explanation. Normally, my finished dish will look more like Su-Ann's in the pictures below. Any doctors willing to diagnose?

August 16th Lunch with Su-Ann at Chicken Rice opposite 2nd hand car dealers.


Su-Ann's empty plate My unfinished plate

Maybe I will at least loose weight with this?

Speaking of loosing weight, I actually went jogging (ok walking) round citypark alone today. First time (not last). See Khai, I'm not that useless after all. hahaha...

Walking into Walls

What is wrong with me? I had another close call that jolted my memory on all those times I've walked or almost walked into a wall, pillar, cupboard, divider, table, etc. Maybe something is wrong with my body coordination. Or maybe I keep thinking i'm Shadowcat (That's Xmen's Kitty Pryde - the girl that can walk through walls)
Note: I'm actually not a die hard fan of xmen. I happened to remember a girl that could walk through walls in the Xmen movie just like you did. Then I googled.

As I was saying, what is wrong with me? I came so close to walking into the side of the locker this time. I mean who does that? I think the worst was the time in college when I actually walked into the wall *ouch* yes, I had an audience too. *double ouch* I think I've injured myself too numerous of times because of this little clumsiness. I've bruised my face, head, hip, shoulder, need i go on?

Not forgetting the worst and most famous slip of mine. *Anne blushes* I make history by being the first and only person to ever slip down on my butt while walking off stage during a Sunday celebration service while all eyes are on me. *ish* At least it wasn't a wall.

My Favourite Day

What is my favourite day of the year? My birthday of course. It was the day I was born. And every year, on this day = 12th August, I want one same thing - to be happy.

Went to work as usual. Figured if I took leave and had nothing to do, it might drive me partially insane. I no longer know how to sleep in late and bum at home. I can't even sleep in anymore. There is a biological clock in my brains that automatically wakes me up by 8+ or 9am. And so to work I went. Received many birthday well wishes from the time the clock struck midnight, and all through the day. I got many touching ones but I think this is my fav cos it's just so cute.

Had lunch with Lavinia. Yes Lavi, I mentioned you in this blog. Thank you for lunch and the time spent out was simply lovely. Why didn't we take any pictures ah? If you let, I'd like to do that for you next year (it'll be on weekend right?).

Went on to continue work. Music practice and all (no lah, I still don't backup for worship, I work with the computer). Went for the Aspirers Field Day. Thank God I wasn't in charged. Just show face only. And I must say that it is refreshing to do that once in a while. I guess I gotta learn to just let go more often. To know that things will be ok. Derrick did a good job and the youth had a lot of fun. (Argh who's having the pictures again? Need to hunt for those pics) All in all I need to focus on what matters more. I really need to do that. Don't want to spend my time on the little things that is gonna bog me down and keep Aspirers from actually moving on, forward.

I left Aspirers outing early - for the first time ever. And honestly felt uneasy about it. But I guess it's just me. Rushed home to bath and went over to Esther's house to crash the older young adult gathering. Feel young sitting there. Heheh... And of course was immediately put to work by Sally. (after all we've played all those games last week. It'll be unfair to join again) But I had quite a relaxing time chatting with people (skipped dinner again). And I'd say it was quite enjoyable.

Again, left early to head to starbucks, where all was gathering to celebrate my birthday. Yippee! (though I think my birthday was just an excuse for everyone to come together. ;P ) But thanks anyway for the company, the chocolate cheese cake (which we have not finished till now). i DID enjoy myself ler.

(pics - waiting patiently for Joanne Foong)

The next day, after choir practice, we headed to Kensington for lunch (slightly different group of ppl) that I need not pay. They changed their carbonara recipe, which i am frowning upon. I think we made such a mess that we might actually be banned from the restaurant ever.

But I have to admit that I was not all up. There was an unavoidable disturbance in my soul or spirit. Perhaps it was the post trauma that dragged my mood down some, perhaps it was something else altogether. I'm not sure. I kept telling myself it's just a birthday, don't be such a baby. But I know I have awesome friends that came out of their way to spend time with me. Thanks to all who shared part of my birthday with me. It gave me great joy. *hugs*

A part of me felt bad though, for not spending much time with my family on my birthday. Was out the entire day. I seriously don't know what to say or feel about that.

I discovered something. My feelings were actually almost a repeat of last year's. I checked the archives. Exactly a year ago. (how time flies) Wahhh... so same wei. Hmm what does it all mean hmm? At least I can safely say that it was better as compared to last year. LOL. But you know what? I still didn't get flowers this year. hahhaahh.... Both Esther and Lavinia did this year. And what's with the starbucks and kensington? Is there no better place to go then for my celebrations to be always the same place. hey friend, even I can get bored. Next year starbucks again can, but kensington, don't want lah.

Girl's Best Friend

I got an email that a girl's bestfriend is no longer diamonds. In today's generation, no gold or diamond could attract a girl more than toys. Well I guess girls have their toys too these days. Being born in a world where techno geeks rules, you just can't escape it. You either move along with the times or get left behind.

Hey I studied computers. Of course I'm moving along.

Here's my latest toy.... I got this as a so-called birthday present from my dad, along with a 256mb multimedia card.

For the phone model illiterates, this is a Nokia 6230i

Btw, I dont really get to choose what models I want. Most of the time my dad gives me what he thinks is appropriate and I just accept. (In case you're wondering, no my dad does not give me a new phone every few months. He in fact gives me one every 2 or 3 years - when he wants my old phone back for whatever reasons)

Haha.. I'm actually really happy with this new phone. It does things my old phone can't. I haven't actually figured out the full functions yet, and i doubt i will ever use it to its fullest capacity. Knowing me. But is it the idea of owning it or that I actually need it that drives me to have such things?

Lets see, I own a Dell Laptop, Sony Clie PDA, and Nokia handphone. My next target is a Digital Camera. (though both my PDA and my handphone can take pictures)

See... it's not that many... is it? Need to think carefully. Don't want to be wasting money on what I don't need.

Post Trauma

I wouldn't be able to describe in details the very moment that fear had gripped my heart. Sometimes we try to do the right thing, without the wisdom to do it. Sometimes we try to play the Samaritan, only to find trouble upon ourselves. What then can we say? What then should we do?

Though trouble seeks me, I found it a chance for my faith to grow. Though fear breaks me down, I found it a chance to expand my strength upon the grace of God. How then shall I describe how good God has been? Though through my neglect I had not fully depended on Him, nor had I prayed ever so fervently, yet He grant me mercy upon mercy, grace upon grace. Yet He loved me so, and sent help from above.

It took me a while (lagging) to feel the full impact of a trauma, and to recognize salvation. But I do. Will I continue to be the Samaritan? Yes, as the Bible has commanded us too. Only with a bit more wisdom and experience this time.

Fear has no place when God is fully in our view. And even so I'm continually learning to trust in the only thing that will never change in my life: God.

Nerd Test?

try this test out. Begin to find out how much you know or don't know.




So much for studying computers for a bachelor's degree. hahaha.....




Why am i wasting my time on these tests? As though I got nothing better to do.

Hot Chick

Upon Steven's (the IMU guy) recommendation, I am putting this title.

I got sun burnt from the Malacca trip (I've gotten sun burnt in Genting before, so this is no surprise, although I should have been more prepared with sun tan lotion). Lousy skin. Burnt on my ear tips, cheeks, forehead, nose, neck and chest. Was bright red yesterday but has tone down since. Ben (the ang moh) didn't get sun burn but I did. *paiseh man*

No pics cos my camera wont be able to catch the tone difference. Thank God it's not THAT painful this time.

Malacca Trip

Perhaps one of the few spontaneous things I do in my life. Take a last minute leave (a day before) and hop in a car to Melaka without any other preperations. Lavi, u just gotta be proud of me.

The picture speaks mostly for itself.

But I did not get to eat my satay celup. For some unexplanable reason I happen to fancy it. Maybe it's family influence.

More pics here.

Anniversary Magazine

After literally bribing David to assist in the magazine design during his most precious holiday in Malaysia, and after many sleepless nights for both of us... we finally see the outcome of the magazine.

Kuddos David and I think that you should have wanted to see the faces of the people when they sat down and open the magazine to study it. That was certainly something to behold. The only complain i got was a few people asking where their faces were. Next time we do this we need a list of everyone in church, and go thru one by one to make sure everyone is in. LOL

Bane of Canine

Just when my dog was begining to behave, she takes a bite at my favourite pair of heels. Sorry one of my only pair of decent heels. She seems to take a liking for Vincci as most of my favourites are of Vincci. Why can't she relieve me of those I find no more liking in? She always goes for my favourites. Irksome dog.
Now only days before Agape's Silver Anniversary and I've lost my heels.... How bothersome! On this I have decided never to take on a dog in my future home. Far too irksome.

The Second Mile

Sometimes you wonder how far the second mile takes you. I preach that people don't go far enough to care and to love. People don't do what the Samaritan did anymore. Newspapers even debate on how it no longer pays to be the good Samaritan. No wonder people have stopped helping their neighbours. Worldwide through, people have gotten more self centered and secluded, unwilling to help, unwilling to go out of their ways.

"He has sent me to proclaim freedom to prisoners and recovery of sight to the blind, to release the oppressed and proclaim the year of the Lord's favour" (Luke 4:19)

Jesus has commanded us to love our neighbours, to care for widows and orphans, to feed the poor. His heart was all about the people. I believe truly that Mother Theresa knew what it meant to care for the sick and hungry. She knew the heartbeat of Jesus. Many profess that they can't do what she does. But really, the needs of people are right before our eyes. If we can't even get up early to fetch someone, why talk bout going into another nation; If we can't even walk across the street to say hello to our neighbours, why talk bout preaching the gospel to strangers; If we can't even spare a few extra hours to listen to an acquainance's plight, why cry about the plights of our youths. How little we understand about caring and loving people. How truly little we understand the heartbeat of Jesus. We confess that we are His followers yet little that we do resembles Him.

I asked God to use me to comfort the troubled, bring hope to the hopeless... but when put to the test, my heart was troubled. How much was I truly ready to give or do to help one in need? Much was to my advantage as I saw it: a am young, and a lady. Yet God never gave conditioned, He only look for the willing. It was out of my comfort zone, out of my control or wisdom. I felt more helpless than helpful, and I wondered what indeed was the limit? I felt little compassion in my heart when I helped. I felt no desire to be more involved. I felt ashame. What does Jesus think of me? Do I truly understand what it meant to CARE? I felt discouraged. Disheartened. Disillusioned altogether.

But during prayer meet soon enough, Pastor prayed that God will guide us when we know not what to do, what to say or speak. That so often it seem beyond our control or strength. But that God alone was to be our source, to trust that we are but instruments where God can work His grace. Nothing I can think or do or say that can reach into another soul, but if I allow God, miracles takes place. All glory to Him. Forever, Amen.

The Doulos

Doulos is a ship build in 1914 (only two years after the titanic) and it sails around the world - not for fun, but to bring knowledge, help and hope. It's more than a passenger ship. It's more than a floating bookfair. It has a purpose, a mission. And with a greater purpose like that it is no wonder they survived almost a century. "Without vision people perish."

What amazes me and probably the world, is that all crew on board are volunteers, all books and materials are donated... And with that they travel the world not to just sell books. But also to walk the streets, bring relief to suffering, minister and bless. I think it's an exciting idea to join the doulos for a while but alas circumstances forbids me.

About six of the crew members dropped by last Saturday for lunch with us (the youth group) and they sang for us, shared bout the ministry, and basically hung out. I was proud to say that they merged in pretty well.
Our trip to the doulos on Wednesday was a fruitful one. My first time on an actual ship. I watched how they worked and ministered. I think it's quite exciting. Bought me some books too but I don't splash money very much so it was pretty limited. However sometimes i wish I had bought more cos it wasn't very pricey and it would have been helpful for materials. Hmm....

Visit to Orphanages

In an attempt to create awareness and instil compassion, Aspirers organized a visit to the humble abode of Rhema children - a group of them whom we are quite familiar with. And since picture (especially when pictures taken by people like David) speak a thousand words, behold...


I've got a new toy.... ok software is more of a virtual toy?

For more pictures, click here. Or access it through Agape's website's photo gallery.

the second chance

Michael W. Smith in his first leading role ever in this movie about two churches. The reality of this movie hits close to home with its message "do we really care?" and what it really means to care. It's about compassion and forgiveness. It's about when we let other things get in the way of what really mattered.

What got me was that so often I had let things get in the way. So often other things became more important than people. I don't want to be Christian by name only. I don't wanna taint my Savior's beautiful name. How can I be a follower of Christ and not do what He does? Unfortunately, so many Christians in the world carry the name but not the Christ. Jesus said "if anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me." People wanna be identified with God but few wants to walk the path Jesus walked.





I reminded myself the night I watched the movie. What was it that I truly want and would truly do. I realised I wanted to serve Him in ministry all the days of my life. I really wanna be God's instrument to do His will for His people. That would be an honour.

my precious

My precious PDA is back! After a heart breaking time in the surgery room. It survived! Of course I had to fork out the high service charges. But that'll teach me to take better care of it the next time.

Sony customer service is pretty good, i must say.

Unfortunately i lost all data and programs. It's gonna take time and patience to slowly reload everything to a usable stage. Time.... hmm.. looks like this is gonna have to wait.

Who says church work is stress free

I have people thinking that you do nothing in church. On the contrary I find that work don't stop. it just keeps coming. Sometimes the pressure starts building up. Whether it is ministry or actual work, it continues. I tought a PDA or a diary would help me organize my memory but noooo.... some how.. .some how... it just doesnt.

I read somewhere that:

God gives us chaos to learn peace,
Grief that we may learn joy,
The unlovely so that we may learn to love,
Difficulties that we may learn patience
Suffering that we may draw closer to Him instead of the world,

Indeed, how would we learn them unless we are forced to have them appied in our situations.

Hell is Real

I went into my classroom,
Ready for another year at school.
I didn't want the work,
Just wanted to hang and be cool.

I had on new clothes,
New sneaks on my feet.
I was there for class on time,
Went to the back and took my seat.

Yeah, I'm moving up,
I'm already grown.
Soon I'll be graduating,
And out on my own.

I talked to some of my friends,
We were all having fun.
Said some things I shouldn't have said,
Did stuff I shouldn't have done.

I knew I was different.
I felt God touch my heart,
I knew I should set a standard,
But then I'd be set apart.

Walking to the bus,
I was not looking for strength.
I heard the car tires screeching,
But now it's too late.

I'm standing in this room,
And I can see the heavenly gate.
Oh no! I never prayed.
I thought I had time to get it straight.

An angel walked to me,
He had a book in his hand.
I knew it was the Book of Life,
When would this dream end?

I told him my name,
And he began to look.
Then he looked at me sadly and said,
Your name is not in this book.

Angel, this is a dream,
No, I can't be dead!
He closed the book and turned away,
He whispered - You cannot proceed ahead.

No...no this can't be real,
Angel, you can't turn me away.
Let me talk to God,
Maybe he'll let me stay.

He led me to the gate,
Jesus came to me.
He did not let me in but said,
Beloved what is your need?

Jesus, I cried, please,
Don't cast me away from you.
Tears ran down his face as he said,
You knew what you needed to do.

Lord, please I'm young,
I never thought I would die.
I thought I'd have plenty of time,
Death caught me by surprise.

Lord, I went to church,
Please Jesus, I believe.
He said you would not accept me,
My love you would not receive.

Lord, there were too many hypocrites,
They weren't being true.
He took a step back and asked,
What does that have to do with you?

Lord, my family claimed to be saved,
They weren't real. You know.
He said, I died for you,
Now I have to go.

I fell to my knees crying to Him,
Lord, I planned to be real tomorrow.
I couldn't, make Him understand,
I had never -- felt such sorrow.

Then it hit me hard, I said,
Lord, where will I go?
He looked into my eyes and said,
My child you already know.

Please Jesus, I begged,
The place is so hot.
It seemed to trouble and grieve him,
He whispered, DEPART FROM ME, I KNOW YOU NOT.

Lord, you're supposed to be love,
How can you send me to damnation?
He replied, With your mouth you said you loved me,
But each day you rejected my salvation.

With that in an instant,
Day turned into night.
I never knew such torture could be,
Now too late, I know the Bible is right.

If I can tell you anything,
Hell has no age.
It is a place of torture,
Separated from God and full of rage.

You know, I thought it was funny -- a joke,
But this one thing is true.
If you never accept Jesus Christ,
HELL IS WAITING FOR YOU!

- Author unknown

Seeing Red

After much consideration, and much delay.... I finally went to the saloon. And made a bold change...

Some ask why I mutilate my hair, some jump back in fright, some cant stop playing with it, some are impressed.. hmm...

And you know what? Despite it getting so much attention which is almost embarassing at times, I actually like it. So much that I don't care.

Taking the Plunge

“Work in Church?” My ex-colleague exclaimed and creased her eyebrow. “What is there to do?” It’s sad that some people still think that the church is only a building where you go and pray now and then. Nothing else. I could not even begin to explain the extend of what I would be doing by going full-time into the church.

However, the thought of going full time had never even occurred to me before last year. It was never part of my five-year or even ten-year plan. And I normally prefer sticking to plans, by the way. But the thought popped into my head while I was sitting at the DUMC conference 2005, literally out of the blue. It really bothered me a couple of weeks back then as I struggled with the idea, but I finally decided that even so, it wasn’t time. With that firm decision, I left it aside and never thought of it again until a few months back.

I was on track with my five-year plan when the thought interrupted me again. And for some bizarre reason, Pastor Sally had the same thought. So it began to cause me to confront the issue at hand. Being a natural thinker and worry-wart, I argued with myself and God a lot. I thought about finances, celibacy, fears of failure and not being able to meet expectation. I told God I was not worthy, I’m not an early riser and had a hundred reasons and excuses lined up. It is possible that I might just have covered all the angles. I also wanted a more vivid sign like a prophetic word, a dream, or something like that. I wanted my fleece wet and the floor dry in the morning. But God gave me none and I was on the verge of insanity.

I shared in my cell group (Bukit Kaya Youth Cell) that I have finally understood why. You see, God knows each of us so well that He knows what we need and how we need it. Jesus never healed any two blind men the same way. He knew exactly how to suite us. It was an issue of faith. It’s hard for me to go where I cannot see, do what I don’t understand. And though God has graciously unfolded small bits of His plans in my life to me, I still needed to learn to take a leap of faith some times.

I’m not saying that I am now a person full of faith. But I’m more willing to put my total trust in Him, believing that He has my whole life in His hands. And no matter what I decide or do, as long as I am following Him, He will steer me. This time, I’m taking the scariest advice I have ever received. I’m taking the plunge.

In the past one month alone I had gotten all the possible responses to my decision. Ranging from “Finally!” to “Are you crazy?” Perhaps I am crazy. According to my cousin, Andrew, that would mean that I am a charismatic, radical and zealous youth. I sure hope so.
____________________________________________________________________________________
Note:
The above article was suppose to be printed in this month's issue of Agapeline (my church's triannual newsletter). But due to space limitation I have voluntarily pulled it out and shelved it for the next issue. I officially started in 2nd May 2006.

1%

"A rotten apple if you throw it away you'll have nothing. But if you cut away the bad part, it is still good."

That was one of the object lessons taught in the movie 'I Not Stupid 2'. A singaporean production in mostly mandarin, the movie seeks to teach its society some lessons in life that will move anyone to tears. I never thought that the movie was the least good when I first heard bout it. But after watching it I realised I should not have judge a book by it's cover. The movie hit on many issues close to home. At the end of the movie, the narrator concluded, and I summarize:

When we were young, our parents praised an encourage us, pick us up when we fall. Somewhere along life, it turned to scoldings and insults. When did the praises stop? And slowly we begin to shut ourselves out. We need to find that key that brings out the best in people and focus on it. Give people a second chance and believe in them. Why can't we learn to praise each other and encourage each other onwards? Everyone needs to be praised.

In the same retrospect, I have learnt as a youth leader to be generous with praises. People thrive with support and love. There's always something good about a person that we can focus on. And if we find that one thing and give it our 100% we will be amazed at the results. One of the teachers in the Singaporean movie talked about finding the key to a person. Focus on the strengths not the weaknesses. In our culture, it seems, only one thing is considered good. Studies and the cliche careers that follow. But people are not produced in a factory. God made us all different. We need to find that thing we are good at. And then believe that about others.

In another movie - Korean drama series actually - called '1 percent of anything', we find that although sometimes things seems almost impossible, we should not throw it away so soon. Although it was more of a romantic series of impossible love come true after many obstacles, I still learnt that sometimes that 1% is enough to put our hope in. As the drama spins the tale of impossible love and how through trying times people persevere and makes it in the end, I wonder how true it is of Christians in life. Whether our in our own faith or towards the people around us. So easily we give up and loose faith. It takes some faith. If only we learn to bring out the best in each other. This Korean drama begun with the girl saying there'd only be one percent chance that the guy could change for the good. Fortunately she was willing to believe and miracles happened. Isn't that we need? Someone to believe in us. Someone who loves us. Someone who sees worth in us. Shouldn't that then be what we should do to others as well?

Life offers many lessons. Let's learn them and become better - in our own life and in our relationship with others.

Easter Musical Drama

The day came... the time came..... Cars streamed in and the rain was pouring. Hearts were starting to beat in anticipation. The overflow room was overflowing. The gate, for the first time ever, had to be locked.

After three nights of spectacular performance, wowing and stunning the audience, it was over. We had received so many applause, commendations, praises and salutes. The Star printed a half page photo on the musical the very next day along with the comments of our drama director. People are saying it was a broadway in Seremban. The event of the year? Not that I am blowing my own trumpet but it was good. Even I was a little surprised at the effect. I salute our coordinators, directors, all the people that planned and put such a large-scale event together. Being one of the people that come week after week for hours of practices and all kinds of planning.... I would know the sacrifices many of us have put in for this easter drama. Sometimes we wonder if we've slaught more than we bargained for.

But it was all worth it. When people start streaming in, we knew it was worth it. When people began to respond to the love of God that we were trying to portray, we knew it was worth it. When we received letters and emails that people have been touched, we knew it was worth it. All the sweat and blood faded away in comparison. Whatever we've done are like dust to God. It fails to compare. It was God that worked through us. We believed, and we saw.


Although many have showered us with praises, we know that it was God who made it all happened. No way in human context could we have done all of that. Simply no way. God be all the glory. When God is lifted up, He will draw all men unto Him. And we pray that this is only the begining. As we yearn to direct people to God, as we faithfully do our part in planting and watering seeds, it is God who gives the increase.

For more pictures, click here. Pictures and video can also be ordered.

My miracle

It didn't take long for me to fall ill after my trauma. There were things to attend to. Easter was drawing neigh. There were house drops, promotions, practices, and countless things to do. And I wasn't doing too well. By Sat I had already lost my voice and started feeling feverish. Right through to Monday I had still not gotten my voice back. I had to skip practice as I could not sing a single note right. But I had the opportunity to see the whole drama from the audience seat.

Concerned friends wished me well and scolded me to take care. Prayers were piled too. But I had my own concerns. Sore throat was the first sign of a week-long illness that I would normally go through. Easter was a week away and I could not afford to be sick. No way. Our theme was BELIEVE and I decided to put my faith in God. I told my friends, by Tuesday I will be completely cured and able to sing for the full dress rehearsal. Such bold proclamations scared even myself. Where did that come from? So I prayed. I better be well by Tuesday. Still stubborn, I only slept a little more than usual and stuck to soothing drinks. No doctors for me.

Tuesday morning I awoke and immediately tested my voice. It was BACK!! Praise God. I serve a miracle-working God. I was totally well. This is personal to me. My faith increased. Truly I BELIEVE. My Lord and My God.

Trauma

It was a normal day, as I was rolling back home in my four-wheeler. I was tired out from the day's work and craving for some much needed sleep. I was only a few more blocks from home and I was begining to plan what I'd do upon reaching home. My throat was parch dry.

As I rolled down the hill, to my horror, a puppy, loosed from her leash, ran directly in front of my wheels and I could not stop in time. Instantly I heard the horrifying yelp from the pup. My heart stop. My brake had already screeched to a stop. A million thoughts flooded my head in that milisecond. Part of me wanted to run from fear that it was some psycho owner who might not let me live. But the pup's cries overcame any doubt I had and I rushed out to it's aid. It's master was already running out and carried her. Blood was dripping and the young girl who held her was close to panic tears. I held the pup and checked for damage, relief that the girl had not yet pounce on me. The pup's back leg only was bleeding and the wound was wide open till the bones were jutting out. Again fear overcame me - if it was broken, it could be for life. Abandoning the thought of water and sleep, I brought the girl and her dog towards my car and we sped of towards the only vet I know.

The journey was slow and painful. As the pup continued to howl in pain, I felt beats of sweat forming on my forehead. The girl tried profusely to calm the pup down as I zip down the road. Traffic was at its worst. There was nothing more I could do but talk to the girl and pray. Not sure what to pray for I spoke in tongues. After about 20 minutes the pup calmed down and started looking around curiously. Thank God it didn't pass out from tireness or pain. My dad, out of sheer worry, caught up with me midway. Unfortunately, it only gave me more pressure as I drove. We were crawling along. i kept glancing at the pup to make sure it was doing ok.

It was an hour after the incident that we finally arrived at the vet. Like a scene from ER, we rushed her right into the operating room. The doc calmly decided that it was of no urgency to attend to the pup immediately. Patiently, he finished with his patient before attending to our pup. I decided I had to be there for the whole process - for moral support, to take responsibility, and whatever else. The doc began clearing the wound and analyzing the damage. The blood and gore was way over my head. It smelt bad. The pup had began whining again though it had already been sedated. I could almost feel the pain. The doc proclaimed that no bones were broken and I silently praise God. He began stitching up the wound and advising the girl on what should be expected next.

Before I knew it, dizziness washed over me and I grappled for balance. Vision and sound was slowly snatched from me as I found myself toppling downwards. The girl and dad caught me before I hit ground. Yes I fainted - from stress? from blood? All of it I guess. I could barely make out that I was being led outside to the benches where I could get away from the scene and rest. Feeling rather embarassed, I remained on the bench long after the dizziness left. I wonder how many people have actually fainted there before? Some time later, the dog was being carried out in nice new bandages and a con for it's head. Dad drove home and we began to chat some more with the world. It truly is a small world after all when we discovered how we were connected. Exchanging contacts and well-wishes we parted ways.

I guess it was traumatic for both me and the pup.

Easter preperations continues

For the first time we did a little preview in Jusco. What we did was radical and crazy. But it caught attention. I only pray that we also caught interest. God open hearts and open eyes!! We intend to storm Seremban with not just bright lights and colours and crazy activities, but with warmth, with love, with compassion, as little Christ in this town.

With the message that 'screams' at the end of the Believe narration:

Pilate: Just weeks before, those eleven men had been crying in locked rooms, too afraid to come out. But after the reported sightings of Jesus, they were changed! ... They became fearless, they became bold, and for the first time since I knew them, they did not seem to be afraid of death.

Narrator: What changed them? Why would they so readily sacrifice the lives they had fought so hard to keep?... The only thing which could explain this phenomenon was belief. A belief that went beyond simple acknowledgement of a fact. ... Belief is completed by the decision to follow.

The ONLY thing that can explain this phenomenon is belief. The ONLY group of people in the face of this earth that are martyred (die or killed because of their faith) are Christians. (we not talking suicide kay, we talking persecuted, killed, tortured).

Come and find out what this Belief is..... this Easter...

Working in Church

I've been hired to work in church office for an entire month to Easter. Though I am gonna be solely for Easter Musical 2006 project - everything from answering enquiries to arranging stuff (every capalang thing) - I think I will have time to also help with so many other things. People are dumping stuff on me. Not that I'm complaining. In fact I'm used to being overloaded. Again not that I'm overloaded - yet.

But something is happening and I'm begining to wonder what. Where is God leading me? Where does He intend me to talk? I wanna hear His voice and know His specific Will in my life. But I'm not hearing very clearly. Perhaps I need more assurance, more confirmations. Hanging in between two dangerous lifeline.
My life has never been so blur. Never been so unsure. I've reached the crossroad... now I need to go somewhere or no where. Pastor Bob Stevenson prophesied that doors will start opening in my life. I've been waiting so long. And I can't wait to start of into it - whatever this new path for me is.

Easter Musical

Our Easter Musical is underway. Practices have become four hours every Sunday, more for some. But we all know the long and tiring process will pay off. There are now 230+ volunteers helping in one way or another for this Musical. That's 2/3 of the church and it is an awesome sight. Plans are being made and executed everyday. There are so much of things to look into now that it could blow your mind. Thank God for professional event organizers in our team. God has blessed us with many many talents.

What makes these people spend so much time and money for this? There is so much work involved. The making of costumes, learning to makeup, preparing the food for refreshement, staring at the computer screen for hours to design and plan, to practice exhaustively and over and over again, planning and thinking and organizing, to go out of our comfort zones to do so much. But why would anyone do that? Isn't there better things to do? Adults in business, students facing exams.

It is ridiculous for many. The thought of spending the only free day of the week not sleeping at home. So why do they do it? Why do I do it?

Because we believe. Come and see what it's all about this Easter.

Identity Crisis

I read that a young adult will go through a phase where he/she questions his path. And he can't blame them for asking. I'm a young adult and have been in and out that phase every now and then. For me I just need to know. Otherwise I feel my world shaking. And though I know that I will always have the security in Christ though my world may fall apart, I can't help but question sometimes. I need to be assured again and again. I need the tangible sense of security.

Being in between worlds knocks a person's senses. You feel like you are standing on a crossroad, except that the crossroad is so overgrown with bushes that you can't quite see where each of them lead. Plus it is quite dark and foggy out there. And you just don't know. Life begin to feel like a merry go round. You keep going round and round. You're just not getting there. It goes up sometimes and down sometimes. You wish that it will just take off like in Mary Poppins.

I used to have a reason to wake up every morning. I used to have a more vivid drive.... Now getting off bed seems pointless. I seem to be waiting, always just waiting..... They're so many uncertainties, questions, fears - that I don't know what to do with it. I wish it were as easy as leaving it at the feet of Jesus. My tendency to worry gets in the way. How then do I know the difference between trust and naiveness; waiting and lazy; God's leading and people's influence.

God pls don't keep me in suspense. I've pledged my life to You and You know I will follow. Lead me I pray. Let me know it's You....

Never too old to learn new things

In the course of the week, I attended two different courses a.k.a. seminars. And it was good. Who says you are too old to learn? I love learning stuff. Will love it even more if it doesn't cost that much and preferably no exam. They say in NZ you could learn for life. And at the barest minimum. Isn't that awesome. If I had that sort of opportunity, there's just so much that I want to learn.

Not sure if it was too much on the brain though. You feel you want to learn all you can. Your brain feels like a sponge, it can at first absorb so much.. but soon it begins to feel difficult. You have not after all finish digesting the earlier one. I remember there were some seminars I attended with arms folded, thinking what have you got that I don't already know. Pride. I've learnt that there always is something to learn. And only a receptive heart will receive the most. And now I remind myself all the time that "I want to learn". And truly I do. I want to have a teachable heart, humble and willing. Then I will grow!

The two things i attended was: DISC profiling and the Million leader Mandate.

DISC profiling: I learnt bout how God created people with variety and that it was good. Our personality is made up of our character and our temperament, of which only the character can be changed, whilst the temperament is a inborn setting. That temperemant is what we know as the DISC.
D - dominant, risk takers, hot tempered, confident, driven
I - influential, sociable, easily distracted, spontaneous, procrastinator
S - steady, stable, hate insecurity, slow to change, loyal
C - compliant, perfectionist, systematic, thorough, sensitive

After a short test, I found myself to be a high S (also known as phlegmatic) with secondary D and C. This test helped me understand myself better and hope to improve what I lack. I also learnt how to work with people of other temperaments. understanding people's temperament help me be more patience towards others as well as work in our best interest. Knowing that we are created the way we are for a specific purpose. God used various temperament leaders for different situations and God's methods of handling people were examplary.

Did you ever realise that God spoke to Moses (Compliant) thru a burning bush and not a light from Heaven while Paul (Dominant) needed that light. Realise how God very slowly guided Abraham (Steady) out of the land he was dwelling while he told Paul (Dominant) to rise up and go. Noticed how Jesus asked Peter (Influence) over breakfast three times the same thing while he patiently answered all of Moses' (Compliant) questions. Isn't it amazing that God understands us perfectly and chooses to work with us at our level?

Million Leader Mandate (MLM): "Everything rises and fall on the leadership" says Dr John Maxwell. It takes a lot to be a leader. And all the more a Christian leader need to be equip to be effective. A leader's ministry is the people and that's why all the more we need to do it well. We are after all leading people. Should not a Christian be the most charasmatic of people, what more a Christian leader. Whoever said it was easy? There's just so much, from God's call to having a passion and vision, from communicating well to people skills, from effecient strategic planning to setting priorities. MLM was formed to train effective Christian leaders to lead.

According to its statistics after 2000 years only 30% of the world's population is a Christian. Something is so wrong man. Why have we become stagnant in our faith? I have also believed that effective leaders can bring its ministry to greater heights. I have always felt that I was never equipped enough and thus strive to learn more from wherever I can. I also believe in training and equipping my leaders in the Word and in skills so that we can be more effective for Christ. Being in a leadership position is not just a title and will benefit noone if we are all agreeable. It's time to shake the bees nest. It's time to rise up and make an impact and a difference to the people around us.

Another day in the city

It's back to where the city never sleeps. It was like a horrid adventure that I traveled all the way up on bus and LRT. It makes me appreciate the luxury of cars that I enjoy so very often. I was so uncomfortable and squashed that Hazel's car looked so welcoming that I could hug her. Imagined I was squashed to the point I could not reach my handphone when it rang.

Back in the city, people persuaded me to stay. Join the city life it seems. It's actually not that I love the city so much. Perhaps at time I was merely trying to get away from all that my life represents. Maybe I needed to refresh myself, catch a breather. Maybe it was people I needed back into my life once in a while. I don't know what it is... but I thank God that Hazel has made her home available to me whenever I need it. Though it cost money, though it is a little more trouble, I still find it wonderful to go up sometimes..... Just to be.

I like seeing things. It's like feasting my eyes. There's so much beauty around to see. After torturing my feet walking around town on heels, we arrive at Luna Bar - a top floor, open air hangout. It looks like a high class, exclusive club things that people go too after work to hang and have cocktail or a business pool party. I felt a little bit awkward as I was more like crashing. And being short on cash at that moment, we did not dare order a single thing. However, the sight was one to behold. The pool right in the middle reflected the moon that was just above. You could see the entire city from there.

Do I hear the call of the city? Only at times. So thank God I live close enough to indulge once in a while yet far enough not to be eaten by it.

Pictures will be uploaded soon as Hazel gives them to me.

Purposeful living

Stepping in the working world throws us with many questions. Questions bout our life, our future, ourselves. And many enters a dilemma if not a crisis. One looks for where to belong, what to do with life, what it all means.... Unfortunately, many never finds this answer.

I was just thinking bout this these few days as the topic arose a few times. As I watch my friends around me, I can only say that though my future is not secure, though I don't exactly know how or what to do at times, I can assuredly say unto anyone that I know where I belong, I know my purpose for living. And I praise God for that. Knowing the person that I am, I can only thank God that He has revealed His purpose for my life years ago and I no longer doubt.

Living to make a difference, every decision I make in my life, God is directing me somewhere specific. There are still so many questions but I am not fearful for my future is in His hands and I know that the Creator of my heart has only the best plans for my life. I'm doing what my life is meant to do and what else can be more fulfilling? Like a instrument being used for exactly what it was created for. I have no regrets. No matter what people will say, I'm running after you.

I have no intentions of returning to a fulltime job. I know I'm walking in the right direction.