First Love

I have lost my first love.

The more I think about it, the more I find it to be true.

"Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love." (Rev 2:4)

The more I hear about it, the more I know.

Yet I am my biggest problem.

(Romans 7:14-25)

"We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.

So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!
So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin"

The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.

Weak. Sick. Gone.

Unlike Utada Hikaru's bittersweet memories of love lost, mine does not have to end that way. In fact, it doesn't have to end at all. True, my life will always be a constant battle, mountains and valleys experiences, running sometimes and crawling other times, winning some and loosing some. But that's life. And I know that for as long as God is with me, as surely as He lives, I will still run this race.