Light Bulb

Recovering from my recent depression, I sat up straight with a new flash of revelation. How is it that I never knew it before? It was painful to hear when close friends tell it like it is. It is like looking at a mirror and not liking what I saw. But at some part I guess I had always known at the subconscious level. But it never traveled to my conscious level. As painful as it was to read the words typed out on an MSN and Gtalk chat window, it was like a light bulb going off in my thought bubble. I feel like I need to spend several more days incubating this thought till I come to a sudden breakthrough in my thought and spirit. Wiping the last evidence of tears, I resolved to meditate.

I was so focused on where I was getting than appreciating the journey I was taking. The very thing I treasure I was ready to walk away from. ETC reminded me of the journey that I said I was taking. Talking about it reminded me of my personal convictions - the very summary of this blog to begin with. It's about the journey - MY journey. My journey DOES in fact matter to me! I remember narrating that to someone.

Inspired by the recent Mt Kinabalu trip some of my friends took, I set my heart upon living life again. Reading Jimbo's blog (have not actually met him but have heard so much about him) and listening to ETC's narration of the trip, I was not so much challenged to climb the mountain as I was to write. Ah, i DID benefit from YOUR climb, ETC. How is it that one can get so engrossed and exasperated about the climb that one not realise the changing scenery around one? But life's like that, isn't it? And shame on me for allowing it to happen. d, you are right. It's time I stop and work on me before I loose myself or become something I regret. The scenery will always exist, but the climber is the one who looses if he does not change. The journey is about the journey-er.

I expressed recently, how much of a drag blogging has become - forgetting why I even pull myself through this religiously. But now I remember. I remember all those times I poured my soul into a story and how proud I was of the result. I keep a file (yes, a 2-ring file file) of all my past short stories. It was a secret pride. One I had lost. Somewhere along the road. I remember too all the things I said I wanted to do in life and become. And life is catching up with me. I'm 26 (yes I don't hide my age in real life nor in this blogosphere) and all thoughts of life comes crashing in. Some calls it the quarter life crisis - although technically quarter life would be about 20, assuming 70 is the lifespan of man. Whatever you may call it, I must stick to my resolves..... what ARE they?

Oh yes, the journey matters.

@nne looks at the perfectly binded yellow covered Counseling notes and sigh. It's 10.30pm and there's a check list in her brain that is left unchecked. Better get to it then.