Air of Independence

As a child growing up, I've always admired those who are able to hold themselves well, courageous enough to do what it takes to survive, those who have an air of independence about them. Movies that portray strong female characters have always appeal to me. I guess it also appeals to half the world since such women now exist in our world and have dominated the main scenes.

Here I am, at this age, giving the impression to people around me that I am altogether independent. The truth, however, could not be further away. As much as my life requires me to be independent and able, it still freaks me out and reminds me of the little child I am inside. There are still a whole list of things I find it a struggle to do on my own. Pathetic, I know.

Yesterday, however, I walked round town with my nose confidently in the air, breathing the carbon monoxide that cars in a traffic jam spits out, walking with long strides across the road (and almost hit in the face by a motorcycle). I was fueled with energy that came from knowing I was acting all independent, walking as far as my legs and heart would carry me that sunny day. I did many errands and even badgered a bank teller to have it my way. I also bought myself a blouse at a boutique in town. I was feeling accomplished as of 1.30pm yesterday. But I could not bring myself to sit down alone for lunch. I just could not.

And so I staggered to the counter to 'tapau' and slumped in front of my TV to have lunch in the privacy of my home. One day... I shall dare.