My Birthday

PROLOGUE
The birthday that stands strongly in my mind was that in 2004. I had just turned 22. A few of my closest friend came to spend time with me in Subang. We didn't do much, just hung out. It was my most memorable birthday.

I guess every year after that I seek to be simply happy and thoroughly contented on my birthday. But often times, I feel more dread than pleasure. I get a sinking feeling. Like a vacuum that cannot be filled. And for a long time I didn't know why.

THOUGHTS
I was thinking the nite before my birthday. About the day that I was born and how God must have felt. He creates each of us to the specifics. He has a plan, a purpose, a design, a creation and it was about to be birthed into action. It's like if you had this major idea of a invention and u spent all that time creating it, and it was about to be shown to the world for the first time. The anticipation. And you would hope that it would be well received and that it would indeed serve its purpose.

God doesn't owe me a gift. It is I who owe that gift to God. To serve that purpose, to love my Creator, to live like there's no tomorrow. To be all that I was created to be and do. And so on my birthday... I should remember that.

FEELINGS
I thought of all the things I would want for my birthday. As prayers of "my hearts desire be granted" are offered up. I thought long and hard. At that moment, among other things. I wanted God. I wanted to be in His presence again. I wanted to sense Him close. I wanted that.

But I also wanted to be worth my friends' time. And though I had what any person could receive, there was a period of time that I felt the same dread. The tears that started to well up in my eyes and heart. And I could not shake it. Could not walk away from it. I scolded myself for being silly and emotional when I had absolutely no reasons to. When my birthday was more than I bargained for. But all the popularity treatment could not fill me. It just could not. I stood on Sunday morning thinking, God be with me today. That is what I want.

PRESENTS
My dear cousins, Elaine and Eunice, got me a bolster with the name "James" sewn on it.

Before you jump into any conclusion, let me explain: VALERIE came back from Perth one day and decided to name my Kembara "Jamie". To remind me, she and Winne got me a pillow with the name "Jamie" sewn on it (pic). Now my dear cousins figured it is lonely and got it a partner! Partner's name is now "James". We're not even talking bout pets or stuff animals here!




This year I got quite a number of scent items: lotion, body splash, body shower, body deodorant. What you trying to say ah? LOL. But I appreciate the sentiment. Now I have lotsa girly stuff.




EPILOGUE
The day closed with me realizing that I'm still treasured. As we grow, the demands of life claws at us and it is no blaming that everyone has got their own agendas. What was I expecting? When you expect, you allow yourself to be disappointed. But dear friends I've got plenty. More than general people can bargain for. A life I don't regret I've got. Living for what counts for eternity. I do not live in abundance but I've got enough and that's what I wanted. I've got all that.

I ended up feeling contented and happy. Perhaps the "dread-curse" has ended. Yes indeed. I have.

What I wanted that I did get: God, friends
What I wanted that I did not get: roses, (got some roses divided from a bouquet some days before tho) sushi. (ate sushi one day after tho)

RESULTS
I got a stomach ache and ended up on the toilet bowl for some time.
Bathed at 1.30am (having not changed since morning) - FORGOT TO TAKE A PICTURE OF WHAT I WORE.
I slept at close to 3am.

Picture from Jane

Anyone else has pictures? Hazel? *bating my eyes*