August 12 (Fri)
It's finally my birthday!!! I was so excited. For some crazy reason I love my birthdays! Maybe because it makes me feel special. Maybe because for once I can be in the limelight (something I normally shy away from). Yet I don't ask for much. Every year on my birthday, I only want to be happy. Fully and totally. 24hours. Just to be with the people I love and to know that they love me... is enough to make my heart soar.
This year I started the day (at midnight) happy. But my heart started to drop soon after. Lav and gang was in Genting that night (yes they called) but I was beginning to wonder what I was doing here. I would have been there too if I hadn't come back to Seremban. A part of me still wants to be there. I know I'm doing the right thing being here.. .some how... yet I still have a part of me that wants, yearns, desires. Sometimes doing the right thing is so hard.
Sleep was not kind that night, thus my morning quite ruined. I was too tired to do much work though there was lots to do. My students had their final but taking a peek at their answers I was quite visibly disappointed, which my students actually apologized for. However, I had lunch with the class and they bought me a cake. I also got a teddy bear and pen from them. How sweet! Most of my colleague did not know it was my birthday though till I LOA-ly told them. HAhahaha!!~ Bee Ling and Azura knew and gave me something. It was so sweet. I applied to go home earlier that day. No point spending my birthday time at work *wink*
I got back to cook up an Italian feast with Su-Ann's help. I actually started getting a little stressed up as the time drew closer till my friends from college arrived (students and colleague). My mom was there to help too and they chased me out of the kitchen at 6+ so that I could bath and they could clear up. Thank God my friends arrived late (though I wished they hadn't cos that gave us no time to socialize after dinner). And my 'kai sai lo' made it!! They were all very sweet. And since most of them had never tasted these food, they found it nice.... hahahah!~ I never got to do any tasting actually. I was too worn out to eat. But Su-Ann, you go girl!! We had to look into many details as my friends were quite diversified. There was a vegetarian, seafood allergy, and so on...
This year I started the day (at midnight) happy. But my heart started to drop soon after. Lav and gang was in Genting that night (yes they called) but I was beginning to wonder what I was doing here. I would have been there too if I hadn't come back to Seremban. A part of me still wants to be there. I know I'm doing the right thing being here.. .some how... yet I still have a part of me that wants, yearns, desires. Sometimes doing the right thing is so hard.
Sleep was not kind that night, thus my morning quite ruined. I was too tired to do much work though there was lots to do. My students had their final but taking a peek at their answers I was quite visibly disappointed, which my students actually apologized for. However, I had lunch with the class and they bought me a cake. I also got a teddy bear and pen from them. How sweet! Most of my colleague did not know it was my birthday though till I LOA-ly told them. HAhahaha!!~ Bee Ling and Azura knew and gave me something. It was so sweet. I applied to go home earlier that day. No point spending my birthday time at work *wink*
I got back to cook up an Italian feast with Su-Ann's help. I actually started getting a little stressed up as the time drew closer till my friends from college arrived (students and colleague). My mom was there to help too and they chased me out of the kitchen at 6+ so that I could bath and they could clear up. Thank God my friends arrived late (though I wished they hadn't cos that gave us no time to socialize after dinner). And my 'kai sai lo' made it!! They were all very sweet. And since most of them had never tasted these food, they found it nice.... hahahah!~ I never got to do any tasting actually. I was too worn out to eat. But Su-Ann, you go girl!! We had to look into many details as my friends were quite diversified. There was a vegetarian, seafood allergy, and so on...
We had combine cell that night. And my darling friends purposely turned up for me... Feel so happy. Cell still went on though I tried to explain to my
friends (from college) that this was no party. Plus, I led cell tonight. Unfortunately some of those friends could not stay for long or did not understand half of what I was saying. Ohyes, I had two cakes that night. But of course we only used one. I was covered with hands and prayer which is one of the wonderful blessings you receive on your birthday. (There's some reflection on my face according to the picture. Eeee....)
Anyway, I was plainly exhausted when all was said and done. And when the night came, I craved for my bed. I jus wanted to sleep. Zzzz....
Ohya I did not get the bouquet of flower I had hoped for. Oh well...
Aug 13 (Sat)
Racing agaisnt time after Aspirers' Cottage Fellowship @ Pang's Residence (which went very well thank God! and thank you to all leaders who put effort into it. I did not had to lift a finger this time around), we hurried over to Kensington (without bathing) to dine. Most of us were max-ed out from tea. Myself, I had lunch at 3pm, tea at 5pm and dinner at 7pm. I still could eat though, slowly. Anyway dinner was with a whole bunch of people.
Racing agaisnt time after Aspirers' Cottage Fellowship @ Pang's Residence (which went very well thank God! and thank you to all leaders who put effort into it. I did not had to lift a finger this time around), we hurried over to Kensington (without bathing) to dine. Most of us were max-ed out from tea. Myself, I had lunch at 3pm, tea at 5pm and dinner at 7pm. I still could eat though, slowly. Anyway dinner was with a whole bunch of people.
Though I thought that I would have been happy, I wasn't. Maybe because I was again tired. Maybe because the group was too big and I never was good at socializing in huge groups. Maybe I wasn't getting the attention I wanted. Mayb I fel overshadowed. Maybe my thoughts were elsewhere. Maybe a hundred and one maybes. But I was just not happy.
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I've given up on trying to be exceedingly and perfectly happy. Because there's no such thing. Circumstances in life will always toy with our emotions. There's never an end to feelings. It's a rollercoaster ride. The key is to learn to be contented no matter what. True joy flows only from God. Only God can give that perfect satisfaction despite our circumstances in life. Only God and God alone....
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