The clouds roll back

The sun shone brighter today
The clouds had rolled back
I can even hear some birds say
Lifted is my heavy sack
Lighter is my burdensome heart
God has lifted my eyes
Shown me His majesty and art
So to my pains I say my goodbyes
He has brought me serenity and relief
I know He is carrying me through
Because God has made me belief
Fallen back is my blue

Unexpected Journey

I was quite miserable and my heart deeply troubled. My mind was intensely out of order and I knew I needed a getaway.

God's timing was perfect. I had initially forgotten that I had set the recce date for today. But it was perfect opportunity.... to run away.

And for the first time, without thinking thoroughly, I made my way (with Ann and Joshua) to a place I've never been. I drove my Kembara up the hills of Genting. I went to near-Bentong as well as Genting View. And in a not-so-well-thought-through-decision, made my way to Awana as well. In my Kembara. In my old second-hand no-power Kembara for the very first time, without supervision. While it rained.

It was a BIG deal for me. For people who know me, I have NEVER driven so far, never in such short notice, and never without thorough planning. LOL! I found myself standing in the all-familiar Awana with Winne and thinking, "I drove here today and will be driving back today". And it blew my mind.

I think I did it cos I was desperate. And it was an awesome experience. I came back so much more refreshed. I came back more focused. Maybe it was the cool air up there. AahHhh.. I know now why people do such im-promp-tu, crazy acts like these. Took me quite a while to figure THAT out....

Callie's Farewell

Since Hazel has so successfully blogged about this event, please refer to her blog.

Dear Callie,
May God hold you in one piece in South Hampton and fill you with so much love that you won't be so homesick. May you grow in character, in your walk with God and in your knowledge of the world as you live for His glory. May you also never like any countries there so that you'd want to come home to Malaysia. hehe. God bless!

Church Camp Report

Camp Working Committee

When I said working committee, I really meant working. If you're in this for the glamour, we've got news for you. The work can be killer, as FC and Sally will tell you. But as we pray each time, God we're doing this for your glory.

Being once again in the committee brings a whole new meaning to responsibility. This year it seems, work was more than overloaded. It tested us physically, mentally, and for the most of us at an emotional level as well. There were more campers than we could handle. Personally, I was challenged in all areas of my being.

20th Aug - Advance Party

We went a day ahead of the others.

I trusted my life into the hands of this:
*shivers*

The original 4hours journey up took far far longer this particular day due to road closure and accidents. We left Seremban at 9am and after a very short detour to KL for late breakfast and Ipoh for late lunch, arrived at Taiping 10minutes before 6pm. 9 hours! Talk about a LONG journey.

And no we didn't party. We went to work (I've already established this point). We had to pack the welcome packs and gifts, and check all last minute logistics as well as ALL the rooms. We spent a total of 20hours there (6hours sleeping, 2hours eating, 1hr praying, and almost the REST working)

However, besides only working, we were dragged out of our bed early in the morning for prayer. Deep in our hearts, we each knew this was important. Perhaps it was because we were so tired that we felt desperate for God. Deep in my heart I knew I wanted Him, I needed Him, and camp would simply be torture if Jesus wasn't with us. And when we prayed that morning, all our hearts broke loose and there was such peace and satisfaction in being in His presence. God's spirit was there with us to strengthen us, anoint us, and lift us up for the coming camp. God has been so good and our hearts were so filled. It had been so long since I felt God in that manner. In such a real and tangible way.

WOW! Isn't that what this is all about?

21st-24th Aug - The Camp

The most part of camp for me was spent doing what I was meant to do - work. On top of the general and the sudden extra work, I wanted to spend what time I have with the youth or to do what a good youth leader should. You will be amazed how hard that can be. To balance what you have to be and what you want to be and what you need. Making the right choices can be so hard. And not always rewarding. To me it didn't matter very much what people said or think as long as I knew what I was doing was right. But again, it's never easy. How do you learn to balance? It's so lonely at the top. Or perhaps it's just growing up.

I spent so many moments during worship and altar call unsatisfied. My heart was reaching out to God in desperation and it felt like I was falling short each time. God I'm here, do You see me? Do You hear me? I felt so many hearts around me breaking and aching. I felt my heart breaking and aching. I cried so many times till my heart could no longer contain it. All walls broke down at camp between God and me.

I also held the youth and I prayed for them. I watched out for them and was proud when I saw them crying out to God. To hear how they sought God, to see how they loved one another. Yet it broke my heart to see them ache in that way or when I had to be strict. I wished I was a better leader, and had more time, and more guts. Wished I could impart more, walk closer with them, and be there for them. And pray that they will realize that God is there for them - closer than a friend, more able than our father, sovereign and in control of yesterday today and tomorrow. That there is purpose in God and life is worth living for Him.

Post Camp

I left camp feeling more tired than ever. My heart had sunk to a lower state (for personal reasons) as depression began to sit in. I was going to fall sick soon. My world was spinning out of control in my mind. And though I seem I've got it all figured and in control, I wasn't. I couldn't make sense out of me. Despite what I said, what I did, what people saw in me. It wasn't enough for me.

You can only pretend so much. But friends who are true will always catch your heart when you fall. Even if they can't be there for you or don't know how, they still know. And they will pray and remember you. And you know that when you are ready, they are still there. God is good.

But friends of the same faith, some battles you have to fight on your own. Thank you for caring... Thank you for understanding and praying. Thank you for just knowing. That alone helps.

Photo Play





That's all I'm rajin enough to do...

Here's To Love

Here’s to love

Here’s to every dreamer in spring

To the dreams that someday, somehow

To the hopes and wishes of every young heart

That someday their prince will come

So here’s to love

Here’s to love

Here’s to being jilted and rejected

To broken hearts and tears shed

To the pain of watching one’s loved one love another

That a heart could be shattered to pieces

So here’s to love

Here’s to love

Here’s to the endless games that lovers play

To guessing and hoping and wishing

To torturing oneself with simply not knowing

That maybe, just maybe it could be

So here’s to love

Here’s to the notion of love

Here’s to the feeling of love

Here’s to the sacrifices of love

Here’s to the courage to love

Here’s to the pains of love

Here’s to what everybody wants… love

Small Delights

A few of the simple delights of the heart. Things that touches the heart.

A small bottle of uplifting and encouraging messages from Larissa

A cupcake with my name on it from Fer!






*smiles*

UnOrganizer

My PDA is no longer working!! My organizer, notepad, Bible, converter. OH NO!

This is what happens when you depend on technology! *double sweat*

If I send it for repair, it would mean that I would loose ALL my data - since I had not backed-up for a few months now.. there goes my data! Yet again! and it would cost me around rm200.

Should I ?

1. abandon my PDA and depend on a physical organizer and small Bible, or
2. attempt to repair (again) and start over.

Living without an organizer is NOT an option!

Anne's Lamentations #2

I've already lamented and I will lament again. Our world is getting more and more vain and conceited. People constantly search and seek for personal gain. We call it individual rights. We say that we have to be true to our hearts and selves.

What's in it for me?
What has it got to do with me?
Why can't i?
Why is this happening to me?
What about me?
My rights, my chances, my dreams, my hurts, my choices, my misery...

The chart below shows the difference in values that has overtaken our society, our way of thinking and living.

(chart taken from Old Testament Today, Walton & Hill, Zondervan)

I don't believe we should only blame it on our society that has molded us this way. Every culture has its pros and cons. And we are no different then the guy on the street if we leave it at that. We can make a difference to change first ourselves. We can touch the people around us with different value, a biblical standpoint that shouts aloud to love our neighbours as ourselves. What a bold statement that is for today's world.

We live in a community and that will never change no matter where we run. We belong to a family that is the root of a community that will never change no matter how we deny. We cannot be selfish or self-seeking. Look at what other nations have become when they teach their children to seek after self and individuality. What has started out as a correction of pass values of oppression has turned into another form of societal depreciation. What kind of a value do we wanna pass on?

Let us be different.....
Let us change history.....

My Birthday

PROLOGUE
The birthday that stands strongly in my mind was that in 2004. I had just turned 22. A few of my closest friend came to spend time with me in Subang. We didn't do much, just hung out. It was my most memorable birthday.

I guess every year after that I seek to be simply happy and thoroughly contented on my birthday. But often times, I feel more dread than pleasure. I get a sinking feeling. Like a vacuum that cannot be filled. And for a long time I didn't know why.

THOUGHTS
I was thinking the nite before my birthday. About the day that I was born and how God must have felt. He creates each of us to the specifics. He has a plan, a purpose, a design, a creation and it was about to be birthed into action. It's like if you had this major idea of a invention and u spent all that time creating it, and it was about to be shown to the world for the first time. The anticipation. And you would hope that it would be well received and that it would indeed serve its purpose.

God doesn't owe me a gift. It is I who owe that gift to God. To serve that purpose, to love my Creator, to live like there's no tomorrow. To be all that I was created to be and do. And so on my birthday... I should remember that.

FEELINGS
I thought of all the things I would want for my birthday. As prayers of "my hearts desire be granted" are offered up. I thought long and hard. At that moment, among other things. I wanted God. I wanted to be in His presence again. I wanted to sense Him close. I wanted that.

But I also wanted to be worth my friends' time. And though I had what any person could receive, there was a period of time that I felt the same dread. The tears that started to well up in my eyes and heart. And I could not shake it. Could not walk away from it. I scolded myself for being silly and emotional when I had absolutely no reasons to. When my birthday was more than I bargained for. But all the popularity treatment could not fill me. It just could not. I stood on Sunday morning thinking, God be with me today. That is what I want.

PRESENTS
My dear cousins, Elaine and Eunice, got me a bolster with the name "James" sewn on it.

Before you jump into any conclusion, let me explain: VALERIE came back from Perth one day and decided to name my Kembara "Jamie". To remind me, she and Winne got me a pillow with the name "Jamie" sewn on it (pic). Now my dear cousins figured it is lonely and got it a partner! Partner's name is now "James". We're not even talking bout pets or stuff animals here!




This year I got quite a number of scent items: lotion, body splash, body shower, body deodorant. What you trying to say ah? LOL. But I appreciate the sentiment. Now I have lotsa girly stuff.




EPILOGUE
The day closed with me realizing that I'm still treasured. As we grow, the demands of life claws at us and it is no blaming that everyone has got their own agendas. What was I expecting? When you expect, you allow yourself to be disappointed. But dear friends I've got plenty. More than general people can bargain for. A life I don't regret I've got. Living for what counts for eternity. I do not live in abundance but I've got enough and that's what I wanted. I've got all that.

I ended up feeling contented and happy. Perhaps the "dread-curse" has ended. Yes indeed. I have.

What I wanted that I did get: God, friends
What I wanted that I did not get: roses, (got some roses divided from a bouquet some days before tho) sushi. (ate sushi one day after tho)

RESULTS
I got a stomach ache and ended up on the toilet bowl for some time.
Bathed at 1.30am (having not changed since morning) - FORGOT TO TAKE A PICTURE OF WHAT I WORE.
I slept at close to 3am.

Picture from Jane

Anyone else has pictures? Hazel? *bating my eyes*

Monday Galavanting

This is one of those picture story that is pushed on us in our secondary school days. Those you had to produce and essay based on what we depicted of the pictures given.

It's monday. It's my off day.
Winne and Valerie said let's go shopping. So we drove up... in the rain.



There we were at Wan Utama Waffles World for lunch



We had waffles...



And we went shopping. Later Winne bought this



Hey that's HiangLiang! I know someone that is almost famous. Vote for Silent Scream!


And in case you're wondering... no, I did not fail those pictorial essays I use to get.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LAVINIA

This entry is dedicated to Lavinia Louis (who made a noise bout not bold-ing her birthdate on the previous post)

Happy birthday dear old friend
As the years go by i'm glad our friendship does not
As wine grow sweeter over the years, so is our friendship
We grow in our character and differences
but it is the similarities and commitment to each other that keeps us together
God knows how different you are, and God only knows how we managed to remain faithful

I pray that there will be many more years of friendship left
And even after that we'd meet in Heaven
so to a friend that is lasting, true and ever so direct.
Thank you for being my bubbly, irritating, friend.

Birthdays

It's August and that means that it's the season of birthdays. What a month!

This year we voted to be cost effective and celebrated once for all. So we took the Friday off (rather I did... off of cell) and made our way to Puchong, Bumbu Bali. I enjoyed the food thoroughly and the ambiance was homey. I hope to make it back there again. Although I must say it really is out of the way.



The number of cameras we had exceeded the total number of cameras the rest of the restaurant guests had. Talk about photo crazy. If i'm correct there were at LEAST 3 digi cam and 2 DSLR. or more.

The food at Bumbu Bali was MY highlight. For that second I felt like it had been too long since I've eaten good food. And everything tasted and looked so good.




More PICTURES

Birthdays celebrated:

29th July - Selwyn
4th Aug - Lavinia
5th Aug - Alexis
9th Aug - Valerie
12th Aug - Me
20th Aug - TJ

Birthdays not celebrated:

7th Aug - Yi Khai
22nd Aug - Lu Vin
25th Aug - Su-Ann

Also a very happy birthday to:

4th Aug - Joel Tay
5th Aug - Esther Yap
8th Aug - Jasmine Siow
9th Aug - Leonard Tay
13th Aug - Georginia
14th Aug - Sunny Koh
17th Aug - Joshua Ling
20th Aug - Michelle Thong
23rd Aug - Xiao Sui
24th Aug - Belinda
28th Aug - Erin Wong

I TOLD you it was quite a list. So a VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY to all the AUGUST BABIES!!