The road less taken

I glanced at my watch. It was still early. I have just enough time to take a nap before I had to appear for my night shift. The sun was burning and I was glad to scurry into the tunnel ahead. A car drove pass, disturbing the few dried leaves on the ground. As another gust of wind blew it around, I stopped dead in my tracks. A chill ran down my spine. I wasn't completely sure why I stopped but I felt afraid. Not of the quiet streets or the darkening sky, but of the future - The unwritten future. I was at a crossroad - my path was bringing me to two separate paths, and I had to choose. I saw what each held. One was a path filled with everything a young adult could want. And the other was risky and lonely. What will it be?

I was just talking with my cousin, Eunice, yesterday. I chose the road less taken. But it was lonely. I lost things I never thought I could. I found myself no longer on any certain grounds. And worst of all, I just realised last nite that I'm not terribly close to any living soul anymore. And I wonder. Eunice shared what she had just learnt in Tung Ling (definitely not a waste eunice), about how a leader's is always lonely. Emotional attachments are not necessarily good when one is a leader. I never saw it that way before - I just knew it had to be. She reminded me of the prophecy and confirmation that God had given me just last year. Sometimes when you're sitting in the valley, it's hard to look up to the mountains and remember what it was like, or what you have seen. The journey upwards (to the mountain where the vision comes to pass), is so much harder. It's difficult to climb up a mountain while telling people to come along up (to see what you have seen).

"I've been to the mountaintop, and I've seen the other side,"
Those words of Martin Luther King Jr
ignited the passion of the civil rights movement.
His attitude of expectancy caused thousands to follow him,
no matter what the cost
- Minute Motivators for Leaders, by Stan Toler

So many things are uncertain and unseen. How can you possibly be sure that every step you take is the right step? Sometimes we can't even tell when God is chastening us and directing us. How truly will we know which is God and which is our mind speaking? Eunice reminded me to listen to the very voice of God. But I wish He weren't that subtle. Faith is a very thin wire on which we are all walking on. Sometimes it seems like we're grasping at thin air... but I'm reminded of a solemn vow...

"You are my God my life my all
And I live for You alone I am Yours evermore
Heaven and earth will shout Your praise
The wonder of Your name
I'll proclaim evermore
Evermore......"
-Evermore, Planetshakers

No matter what the cost. That was it. And I can't give up now. The 'Secrets of the Vine' series talks about producing more fruits than leaves. And it is hard to release those leaves so that more fruits can grow. What kind of sacrifice am I wiling to make, parts of my life that I'm willing to put down, things that I'm willing to give up and just let God? I will admit it's hard sometimes. When the insides of you long to hang with your own friends, and you know you need to get up and walk over to the other side of the room to talk to someone else.

"God is trying to get more 'sap' to those areas that produces fruit
by cutting away what isn't necessary. (not always bad things only)
That involves surrender and relinquishment on our part.
And that's where discomfort can come in.
We're reluctant to lay something down
that feels important to our happiness."
- Day sixteen, Secrets of the Vine Devotional

"If you love earthly tings, you wander far from God-
the body wanders in places; the soul wanders in affections.
To love God is to throw off every spiritual weight
that will keep your soul from rising to Him."
-Augustine of Hippo