Trip to Camerons

It was something I had to do, as daunting as it had at first sound to me. But that's me. I'm usually afraid to leave the shore to reach the edge of the waters that I want to go. As ironic as that may sound to you. But every time I find an anchor I know I can depend on, I will go. Cos the edge of the water promises a beautiful horizon that I want to see and be a part of.

So this something that I had to do turned into a roadtrip to eat and get away from reality. I was excited. I couldn't believe it. And so in the midst of 'working', we had our own holiday.

With Jotay eating and sleeping almost all the way, (which did give a certain serenity on the road) I had some time to think and absorb the scenery. I usually have a lot swimming in my mind and heart. Most of the time I simply wonder when the hecticness had so much control over me. Have you ever notice how our lives have became a list of 'to dos'. And you cannot seem to break out of the system anymore. Many of those times we're just doing things we have to do. And all meanings slowly becomes lost. No wonder I'm not moving along in my life? Have I become stuck?

But this time I wasn't really thinking of all the things I had to do. (I couldn't even if I wanted to) With the GPS telling us where to go and Der driving and Jotay keeping tab of the bill, I only had my agenda at hand. I stared out at the jungle on the left side of the car and felt the breeze on my face, and felt happy. A kind of peace and happiness I've not felt in a long while. And it felt SO good! And then I wondered where it had been all this while. Is it so hard to feel happy? Is happy such a fleeting feeling these days? (note: it's not that I'm not happy with my life. In fact I find more fulfilment in doing what I do than I have anywhere else. It is my honour and pleasure to serve GOd this way. Sure there will always be unsatisfaction here and there. But in this side of heaven, surely! Yet it is my heart that feels heavy from so many a burden and pain. That I don't know how to enjoy much anymore or simply feel happy and not worry or try so hard to be...)

So I thank the people who were willing to indulge me and make me happy. I thank God for such people in my life and I thank God for always knowing and always giving that little that I need to go on. I know that you're amazing and that this is who You are and who You will always be. I know that You will always love me like that and care for me like that. I want to learnt to always trust You like that. Knowing that You hold everything in the palm of Your hands and that all resources comes from You - no matter what form it comes from or from who. Teach me to let go and allow myself enjoy.

Have you ever notice how the clouds rush into itself and roll over the horizon? Have you ever notice the layers of colours in a sunset? Have your heart ever stop short from looking at a sight because it was too beautiful for words? =)