He knows best

I've always wanted to be married by 28 and start my own home. I can't wait to 'play house' and fuss about furnitures and household chores (as boring as they sound to many ppl). And I want children of my own. I want the kind of commitment the media marked as feared and unwanted.

But I suppose it is my singlehood and support that has allowed me to do what I did these last few years. Ministry has had my undivided focus to be advanced. I would not have heard God if I had been preoccupied. I suppose He knows best and makes all things beautiful in His time.

I've always wanted that streak of independent adulthood. To live and taste life as any young adult ever did. To believe I can reach for the stars or dine under them. I looked across and the pasture looks greener, as they always do. We're all taken in by the media. A life like that is always tempting. Age has that effect on you.

But I suppose it is the simplicity of my life that thought me to appreciate the little things in life, to remember there are those in need. Compassion can be caught and learnt. And at the end of the day, it's the simplicity of life that won my heart. Luxury looses its sparkle when learnt the simple joys of seeing lives grow. I suppose He knows best and plants eternity in our hearts.

I've always wanted to travel the world and see all nature's beauty. To say I've been there and I've done that - said with the different chops on my passport. I'd like to live and taste the world's diverse culture, to marvel at God's creativity be it nature or people. To find that people are so different yet innately the same somehow. A lifetime would not have suffice to see all that the world has to offer.

But I suppose it is this town that my heart is most familiar with, where God has called me to dwell for now. The rest of the world can wait when God's calling is concerned. The world is going no where. I wonder if it's man's similarity or diversity which attracts me most. I've been blessed to have gone to different places, as doors are being opened and my desire fulfiled. Perhaps one day I'd get to, one city at a time. I suppose He knows best and holds tomorrow in His secure hands.

Sometimes I don't believe that I can have what I want, yet as I look around me I realise He has answered many of my little desires. Sometimes I'm too afraid to reach out and believe, yet God brings people of situations right unto my lap. Why then am I still afraid? Why then do I still find it hard sometimes to believe it's mine for the taking? Why then I still want those things I have chosen to forego? You don't have because you don't ask. Ask and you will receive, knock and the door will be opened. Sometimes fear gets the better of me and I find myself still standing behind the iron bars I thought I'd walk out of, ashamed of what was and is.

Sovereign Lord, give me the strength to endure, the courage to break forth, patience to wait upon You, serenity to accept, wisdom to decipher and make right choices, discipline in the everday, faith to conquer, compassion for the broken, humility to learn, and more of You.

"I'm set apart, not living life my own ways..."
May I know the reality of that.