Incidences at camp

During church camp 2008:

#1
I was standing at the doorway, my back dripping wet from JC's moment of insanity. I could feel the water, mingled with the cool of the air conditioning, starting to seep into my bones. I watched patiently as mother-daughter continued to negotiate for the next five minutes in the most polite debate I have ever witness.

ETC: you have to take your bath now
En: But I don't want to
ETC: we need to go to 7-eleven after this
En: But I don't want to go. I want to read my book (It was an Enid Blyton, not the pic on the left)
ETC: Then who's going to accompany me to 7-eleven?
En: You can go yourself. And while you're there, could you please buy me some more Mamee.
ETC: Well if you bath now we could go together and buy whatever you want.
En: I don't wanna bath. You go bath first
ETC: I can't bath first. I'll be clean. How are we going to bath you after that

The conversation was going no where. And I was still standing at the doorway. I was too wet to plop myself on my bed or go through my stuff. Perhaps I should bath while they argue, I thought. The negotiation had now gone up one pitch. I shifted my weight between my feet while I felt a shiver. Almost 10 minutes had gone by. My brain circuit fried that instance. All hell broke lose.

@nne: En get in the bathroom now! I've been standing there for too long in the cold and I'm wet. If you don't bath I can't bath! So close your book and get in the bathroom now! (I had a lot more things to say which I manage to control with every will power I had)
En: *looks at me temporarily shocked*
@nne: Didn't you hear me? Go now!
En: But my feet are all wrinkly now.
@nne: Well then you should go bath now and dry it out later. Why would you want to go through that process twice?

And then I went through a momentary negotiation period with that 9-year-old. How DOES she do it? The kinds of argument she can conjure a 9! But she finally made her move when I finally gave her a little shove off the arm chair.

* * *

#2
It was a different day and a different time. I sat this time in front of my laptop, putting pictures together for a presentation that night. I had been steadily doing that for the past 2 hours now and was not yet done. Between hundreds of picture, a story and a very tiny mouse, it was impossible to finish it. I told myself to stay focus.

C'lene was by my side and I really had wish I had time to talk to her instead. But my left brain told me I hadn't bath or eaten and I was a long way from finishing. I was dry of ideas as well. The clock struck 7.15pm and I panicked. Just then a horde of teenage girls burst into my room, with their high pitched voices, demanding my attention of their presence while curious at what I was doing.

@nne: Girls, I'm busy and I do NOT have time to bath or eat! I really must finish this! Howw...

Again they burst into chatters, indignantly exclaiming the whats and whys. Focus, I told myself. I had learnt to ignore the squeals and incessant chatters and remain un-frazzled amidst such chaotic ambiance.

In the next 45minutes, the girls organized parties to get my food, bring pictures I needed, commented and suggested on taglines for the presentation, answer my phone calls, etc. (Organize, in this sense, means in a random way with my stressing orders and requests above my laptop). I was touched by their concern and it reminded me something very important to me. Thank you Lord!

I managed to finish up the presentation at 8.05pm, chased all the girls out like a flock of birds, changed and ran down to drink my cold and waiting dinner, sneak into the hall while others were praying to see the laptop and projector in order. Phew!

Sapling of Revival

We've been praying so long for Revival in our youth group. We said as a church, as the youth that we want to see revival come. Our 3-year theme is Revival In Progress (this is the 3rd yr). And all throughout these years, hearts of youths were being prepared and shaped. As prayers were heaped upon and around these youths, we were setting our sails to catch the wind of Heaven. For us leaders, we put the seed and prayed it will grow. May God cause the increase!

O God that they may know You! O God that they may love You! O God that they may serve You!

We marched forward, instituting changes and structures. With a stronger fist we insisted, with bigger heart we cared, with a desperate spirit we cried. From the time of Retreat 2008, the theme song rang "Holy Spirit come in power, change our lives!" The leaders prayed "Fall on us Lord". And the youth cried "Fall on us Lord!".

The seed was growing its roots. Slowly but surely, the roots were deepening. And God was listening.

Over the last full week of fasting and praying... Over this past weekend in Aspirers... and even during and throughout Church Camp... we saw the first signs of revival. A sapling has shown its head. A sign of life as we hoped this year would be! Many hearts experienced a form of breakthrough and are stepping forward in faith. Their love was beginning to become more than a song they sing. I will not go into details but know the significance of the events that has past recently. Don't be left out! We sing "don't pass me by".

But let's not focus on the events less they become larger than God. Let's not get caught up in the past and miss out on the greater things to come. THIS is just the BEGINNING. A sapling!


Know this, Aspirers, that the day we have been waiting for has come! The distant sound of thunder is right in your face and the rain will soon start to pour! Do NOT run from the rain cos this is the rain you've been calling down! Do not be threaten by the thunder for that is your Creator's awesome display of glory!THIS is what we've been talking about. But things are not going to be smooth sailing from now one. Revival is the opposite of smooth sailing!

So, Aspirers, are you ready? Are you going to be a part of this or a bystander? It has begun....

Delightful surprise

After Aspirers yesterday, I had a rather delightful surprise. I manage to be completely ignorant that it was going on behind my back. And even though the entire day was dreadfully long and energy consuming, I wasn't dreadfully down. It was... well...

And the events of the day was worth it. (ah this part no need to blog)

The youth brought in a gigantic cake (which is still in my fridge) and a handmade card with all the signatures and a poem written by chaco but from the hearts of all (I think. LOL). This is the poem:

Here's a little something for your birthday;
It'll make your cares and blues go away... we hope...

Congratulations, you've seen another year!
May the next one be to you as dear

We know we drive you up the wall...
But still you care and love us all

We know we're a difficult bunch
But we think you can take it; just a hunch!

We're sorry for the hard times we've given
But, you must admit, it makes you more driven

I guess what we really mean to say is...
We appreciate all this...
And we love you very much
Sorry we can't treat you to lunch!

*sobs* Thanks so much guys!

Happy Birthday to Me

Yesterday I turned a year older. At 8.12am yesterday, the exact time that I was born, I was burying my head deeper into my pillow to try to catch another wink of sleep. I had been invaded by well-wishers since 6.30am (not counting after midnight's). Adults wake up way too early.

Filled with thoughts and hopes, I started my day. I guess I still had an inkling of the childish notion that today would bring sentiments that was worth keeping. Like a child opening his gift. But let's face it, I'm no child (I sense sarcasm in my readers. Chaco, I heard that!). The day passed without a hint of anything more. It was as any other day. Yes, this portion drips with hints of disappointment.

Boey and ETC reminded me, however, that a day is what you made of it. One wakes up in the morning and decides how the day shall be and nothing should hinder that choice. My smiley poster greets me each morning, saying "Choose Joy". And rightly so. I could have, and should have done something just a little crazy - as many suggested. But I did not. I did not break my fast and I did face my assignment. Sometimes I think I'm not all that capable of chasing the things I really want. People like me sit back and watch it pass us by, without an ounce of gut to grab it instead.

I miss Lav...

Lari did up a really sweet post for me which almost made me cry. I even received a present from HK. *sobs* I was sitting and watching it. Just as I wondered if dreams ever come true, here sits something I've dared to dream but never did anything to grab it. Yet, here it is. The Chinese have a saying for this: "sam seong si seng". Directly translated as "heart wants, become reality" - what you desire in your heart has become a reality.

Nothing is impossible for Him.

I guess the best part of this day was God telling me that He's watching over my heart.


On the overcrowded corner of my dressing table.
The set is now complete.

Where would I be without You?

Where would I be without You?



I was persuaded to think bout life without God. What would it be like? What would my life have been like if I had not chosen to follow Jesus? If I had chosen to walk out of church at the young age when I was contemplating to, and if God had not answer my prayers and had not found me, what would my alternate life be like?

I could very well be hanging over depression every single day of my life, with no meaning in life.

I'd doubt my self worth and think I'd never amount to anything - proved with the long line-ups of failures.

I'd probably be still living aimlessly in the city, trying to survive while finding myself away from home.

I might have also been in and out of several damaging relationships by now and lost any existing esteem.

I won't have many friends either, I suppose. And with noone to turn to, feel absolutely alone and lost.

So it is to my advantage that God did find me. Thank you Lord for calling me and walking with me, for loving me and always being there for me. As Ps Yong Heng said in class, If it weren't for the call into full-time, life as we know it out there might have destroyed me. So my beloved Jesus, my one and only, and on this day i declare that this life is for you...

Facing myself

Sometimes life circumstances forces you to take a good look at yourself. And as the mirror image looks back at you, do you always see what you want to see? Are you disillusioned of the real picture or do you really see? What if you saw some things that you don't like?

Going through the motions and realizing the flaws doesn't make it easier. Looking for the strength to overcome and become better. You can't change the past and knowing your faults does not make it easier to move on. Thoughts of how to ammend and how to be better floods in, along with life transforming stories of how some people can really turn over a new leaf. The longer you face yourself, the more uncomfortable it becomes. *Squirms*
How can one really face themselves?

Falling into the pit of self-pity, we only moan and groan at the passing circumstance. Small things become big in my eyes and self enlarges itself. When we focus so much on self, we begin to see only that. And we begin to moan about everything.

Facing my God

And then I saw God. I remembered that it was not about me. That myself must decrease in order that He increase. There is no end to self-pity. There is only hope and purpose when we look to God. And realize that our mission is everyone else.

"But remember, sinner, it is not thy hold of Christ that saves thee - it is Christ; it is not they joy in Christ that saves thee - it is Christ; it is not even faith in Christ, though that is the instrument - it is Christ's blood and merits; therefore, look not so much to thy hand with which thou art grasping Christ, as to Christ; look not to thy hope, but to Christ, the source of thy hope; look not to thy faith, but to Christ, the author and finisher of thy faith; and if thou dost that, ten thousand devils cannot throw thee down, but as long as thou lookest at thyself, the meanest of those evil spirits may thread thee beneath his feet... it is not faith, it is not our doings, it is not our feelings upon which we must rest, but upon Christ, and on Christ alone."
-Charles Spurgeon, August 24, 1856.

When I turned my eyes upon my God and look full upon His wonderful face, the things of the world grows strangely dim. When I see the works of His hands and the scars upon His back, I know that I wanna be called forever Yours. There is no other besides You, none can compare.

When my world falls apart, when I can no longer put hope in men, when I have been poured out like a drink offering, then can I see. The Word says we need to be broken and empty when we come before Him, then can we be filled. With so many wants and distractions, how can we see God, unless all that is taken away and we become nothing.... and realize He is everything.

Note:
I wrote this in a span of a few days so the narration may not seem to flow as one thought.

Another Blur Friend

After chatting for about an hour with an old college classmate, she calls.

@nne: Hello
Friend: Do you know who is this
@nne: No
Friend: Haiyooo... How can!
@nne: Oh !
Friend: Eh is today your birthday?
@nne: No. It's tomorrow.
Friend: Then when is G's?
@nne: That's on the 13th.
Friend: Ohhh I thought it was 11 and 12. Ok I call you tomorrow. *puts down the phone*
@nne: ??!

Blue

Another year has gone by
Another season has come and pass
That's just the way life is
Like watching the scenery go by on a train ride
Nothing stays forever, nothing lasts
Everything has it's time and rhyme

Here I sit again
Watching the clouds pass above
And a wind from the north blows
Blocking out the sun from my face
Plummeting my soul into darkness
The ones that engulfs you whole
And once again I sit and dwell
Dreaming of a day that was never meant to be

How much time was wasted in dreams
How much time was wasted in crying
It doesn't make any sense
No sense at all to any mind
Yet the tears do flow and sobs do come
Yet one still hopes and one still wants

Precious child
Do you not know you are much loved?
That you are more than ordinary
Dear child
Will you allow Sorrow to steal the joys
When you can make it your own day
Silly child
When will you learn
Tomorrow is also another day...

Healing

Continuation from my wound story. I've showed a few people where I fall, and everytime I revisit the site, I wonder how I fell in that little place. It's beginning to sound sillier. *laughs*




Here's the wound on Day One












Here's after one week of ignoring the wound. Bruising has appeared around the wound.










Here's after two weeks. The last few days with Vitamin E (2000 UI) lotion:


It's taking kinda long to heal. Guess more lotion it is....

Beijing Olympics 2008

Last night, at 080808 08.08pm... all eyes were on China. The world watch in breathless anticipation at what and how China would impress the world and present itself to the world. And like any Chinese, they know an opportunity when they see one. And for the first time since China opened its doors to the world, it's time to shine. You go!

Despite what rumors say about Beijing and the doubts that the world had, hearts were not shaken as China went ahead, ignoring harsh words from the West. The truth has its way of revealing itself. The grandeur of Beijing Olympics 2008:

Here's a link of the opening ceremony in case you missed it. The artistic and very visual performance of the ancient and modern harmoniously and effortless joint in a vivid presentation by thousands upon thousands of presenters. Audiences sat in awe.

And in it a story of ancient china, its contributions to the world, its culture and structure, it's beliefs and dreams for a future generation, the beauty and grace of Chinese art, combining the young and the old (children were very much involved)... all rolled into one big show.

Don't know why I'm so thrilled by this all. Maybe because it's China. Simply that.

I learnt things like China's four contribution to the world was fireworks, gun powder, paper making, print. Other than that they also created kite and the first compass. Culture and art like painting, taiqi, kunqu opera, Confucius, ancient musical instruments like Guqin. Of course other symbolism like great wall of china, the peach blossom, and many poetic and philosophical sayings filled the night. In fact without reading it on the official website, I would have missed 3/4 of the message. I guess it's a combination of things that would mean a lot to one who is truly Chinese.

More pictures here.

Tagged

Wow. Third post of the day. First time for everything I guess.
OK One of those things:

Instructions: Remove 1 question from below, and add in your personal question, make it a total of 20 questions, then tag 8 people in your list, list them out at the end of this post. Notify them in their chat box that he/she has been tagged.

1. At what age do you wish to marry?

Well I had always banked on 28 but looking at my age now, realistically, it doesn't look very possible.

2. What is your most favourite thing to do?

Sit with my closest friends to just talk or hang out or just sit in comfortable silence - sometimes what is unsaid is louder than what is said.

3. If you have a close close close friend since childhood who loves to take away whatever you like, including guys/girls, and he/she always wins, will you still consider him/her your friend?

LOL. I do have that. You might think this is weird but my best friend (Jesus) have been doing that - taking that which is dearest to me. But I still love Him though during those times I may get angry and pout and cry because after a while I realise that He had to break me so that He can fill me. He had to remove things that was standing in the way in between us, to get my attention. But He always blesses back more, He always gives more than enough, He always keeps His promises. He does not take away to bereave us but to give us something better.

4. What would you give up in return to eat all you want in the world and not get fat ?

Nothing - already have that. LOL. Though I don't think it will last forever.

5. If you can have 1 dream to come true, what would it be?

Be a part of a blockbuster movie production (every single process).

6. Do you believe you can survive without money?

Can anyone really? Unless you're living off people. But then again, Jehovah Jireh.

7. What are you afraid to lose the most?

The people I love - seriously don't know how to take it... *cringe*
God's favour - can you imagine life if God removed His hands from you? Worst if He's agaisnt you? If the phrase "God help you" can no longer be applied and you're wide open to all the attacks from the other side... *shudders*

8. What do you feel like doing, right now?

Watching a movie and NOT studying. (gah but I should do it the other way around)

9. If you can get out of your current life circumstance, would you?

For a short while, for a breather, yes. But not completely because I know I'm in the centre of God's plans and all this is to build me up and for a greater purpose.

10. List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you.

Chaco? Well he's gonna be a dramatic and deep kind of preacher (professor style) which I'd be interested to listen to, he's very passionate for the things of God - to defend and to die, he understands authority (in a way that is not commonly seen) which I respect and will one day see it returned on him (I feel).

11. What are the requirements that you wish from your other half?

Most importantly, he has to love God, fear God, and serve God. Passion for youth is a big plus point. and among other things... ability to 'see' people and be inclusive, don't mind walking the second mile, willing to admit and learn from mistakes.... among other things.

12. What is the thing that will make you think he/she is bad?]

Ego centric, male chauvinist prick.

13. What is your ambition?

To live my life for Jesus and to impact others for His glory.
(ahahah I did not have to change Chaco's statement cos he phrased it so much better)

14. Is anyone really perfect?

No. Chaco got it right, people will disappoint.

15. If you had a choice to be rich or happy, which one would you pick ?

Happy! The kind of satisfaction of a job well done, contentment of having enough, joy of seeing the people I love doing well and growing strong, and sheer pleasure of a heart that is bursting with goodness. Does it make sense?

16. If you have a chance, which part of your character you would like to change?

My shyness and lack of courage. I wanna be more bold!

17. Who is the person that you can share all your problems with?

There are those I hold and trust above the rest - who will not walk away no matter what I say or do.

18. How do you see yourself in 10 years time?

at 36? Married to a good man with a nice home and wonderful kids, hopefully. Also to have accomplish at least one of the God-given visions in my head.

19. What is the one thing you love about yourself?

I'm stubbornly loyal. I could stick to one thing / person / decision for life. Some say it's called single minded something. Actually I'm not sure it's a totally good thing. And actually I'm not sure if I love that about me. Hmm... How about I love that I have a reflective soul. Meaning that I really reflect on things wanting to see it and beyond it, reason with it, understand it, appreciate it, etc. I think that's what it means. LOL!

20. If you were to get involved in a Charity Organisation, which one would it be and why?

I kinda already am with World Vision. If I do get involved in others, probably UNICEF, Kiwanis, or basically anything that is dealing with children. Cos I believe in investing in children - it's like planting a seed and watching it grow into a big strong tree. The hope for tomorrow lies in the young generation.

I'm tagging:
Michio
Gerald
mfwrachel
ETC
Fer
Poreiz
Signius
Calvin

Expired Dettol

My colleague came up in protest when she discovered that the Dettol in our first aid kit expired two years ago. I gasped at the thought that it could kill me having had that applied on me only last week - right INTO my wounds. I was appalled!

After a short investigation, it was discovered that several other medication was also expired. What kind of a first aid kit has expired medication that could kill people? I dare not answer! (For a more lively narration, click here)

If this be the end of me, please remember that I appreciate you and I love you!
(Oh no, I'm learning to be dramatic like ETC)

Faith

Some time back (some years back actually), I received a hand-written letter from a friend. She wrote to encourage me in my times of difficulty. It was a trying time and the letter rung true. It made me cry.

Recently I found my old diary with this letter slipped in between the back pages. I read it again. This time I did not cry. This time I held the letter and said 'yes Lord'. As I walk through yet another trying path, this time I will simply say 'yes'.

This is her poem:

Trials you may face
Crossroads you may encounter
Choices you have to make
Roads you have to take

As God reveals His purposes
As God shows you His will
Do you dare take that road
Which God has pointed out to you?

As the seas ahead seem rough
As the journey ahead seem tough
Will you not believe and trust
In the Author and finisher of your faith?

He has promised to be there for you
To never leave you nor forsake you
SO won't you take that step of faith
And into His arms of love?

A Blur Friend

I received a text msg at 10.45pm today.

"Happy Birthday," it reads.

Hmm... my birthday is still a good week away. I reply that it was not yet dued.

He replies that he doesn't remember which day of the month. So 'tembak'.

LOL!

@nne's Blunder

@nne picks up the phone in sheer laziness of putting together a perfect lunch. Dominos employee promptly picks up the phone on the second ring (unlike our local cineplexes).

"I'd like to take an order," says @nne.
"You mean you'd like to place an order?" says the voice.
@nne is dumfounded. "Yes that's what I meant." Laughs nervously, falls facedown. *shy*

Take A Bow

Inspired by Rihanna's "Take a Bow" although it has nothing to do with her lyrics:

All the world's a stage
And men and women merely players

Says some wise sage
Tis' the line that make us believers

Here I am standing at the edge of reason
Walking pass the turmoils of my heart
The bitter sweet of life's latest season
Learning simply to play my part
Heartaches and laughters
All but memories of a distant past
Life's storms and thunders

In this game we call living
In my perfectly orchestrated scenes
And now all eyes are on me
I need to take a bow

No tears are required
None from me
The show's not mine
I'm a mere part in the play
And the part must be played well
Well enough to make believers
But it's over now
It's time to take a bow

Head held high
Smile plastered on
With all grace and beauty
I'm taking my bow

-Written by @nne-

Bunches of Three

Although I do not subscribe to the 'problems comes in bunches of 3' belief.... and still don't btw... but call this a coincidence or a psychological manifestation of the above. I mean there's so many ways around how you can explain it. But we won't attempt to do that today.

Three days in a row, I accidentally injured myself.. resulting in increasing catastrophes upon myself.

Day One
Burnt my finger touching a sizzling hot pan.
Skin 'bubbled' and white. (too much light exposure to see)


Day Two
Caught my finger between a sliding door.
Blue black bruising. (Ixus 60 can't show the colouring much)


Day Three
Fell into a hole and scratched my side body on a piece of metal.
12cm laceration wound that required a tetanus jab. (pic shows half)
ETC's version here


I had a dream that this went on... day after day... Actually, I think we should call that a nightmare. Kimchie prayed (during cell) that I would stop hurting myself... ever. LOL.

I'm one of those kid that don't fall and break her teeth, or sprain her ankle from climbing a tree, or anything like that. I'm one of those whose biggest injury is a searing my palm from tanglung and bruising my hip walking into a table and scratch marks from an angry kitten. I've never even been bitten by a dog or loose my toenail! So looking at my wounds through the mirror stunt me temporarily.

Here's to my first major injury....... May there be no more!

July Events

I decided against blogging each event separately. I takes the blood out of me to sit and think about what happened during each event and what it meant to me or anyone else around me. Ah but to remember... that was the point, wasn't it? CLICK on the TITLE for pictures.

Aspirers "Crossroad"
July 5th, 2008
A sketch based discussion about Choices we make in life.



SPI "Colours of Life" concert
July 5th, 2008
Self explanatory



BCM "Christian Approach to Counseling" Week
July 7-11th, 2008
An intensive course I took at BCM



Agape Community Project at Rembau
SRJ Ladang Batu Hampar
July 19th, 2008
A cell based community project where we contributed to building a classroom, donating dictionaries, sponsoring their Anak Angkat Program, and celebrating lunch with them. Appeared on Sinar Harian newspaper July 20th!



Aspirers' "Station Sesat" (pictures next week)
July 26th, 2008
A youth-cell-based station game that challenges the youth to make choices and the nature of choices in life. The games were different from the ordinary, bright, and induced with an object lesson each. From learning Godly vs wordly values, how looks can be deceiving, what a balance diet is, and even creating a model out of junk.
Note to self: Aspirers needs a website to post resources on.

Self Medicate

Allow me to ask: How many of you self medicate?

Don't get the question?

They say that we humans are survivors. We have an instinct to fight for our lives. I heard somewhere that it is during those desperate hours when one's live is threatened that the ugliness of men is seen. Because we really do fight for our survival. We are selfish and will always be.

With this same principle, I was told that a person will self medicate to feel better. When you catch a cold, you'd take medicine, or sleep more. If you can't handle it, you'd look for a specialist - someone who knew. When you burn your finger you'd hold your finger or run it under running water. If you had more knowledge on the matter, you'd know to put Colgate on it or find the right kind of medicine. When someone hurts you, you'd stay away or learn to fight back. We close our hearts and never again dare. Some people turn to tobacco or drugs to escape the pain or confusion in their heart and mind. One way or another, we know to self medicate. To keep afloat. To continue to survive. To stop the pain. Deep down we all know to.

Whether it is cutting yourself, eating too much ice cream, going on long jogs or what have you. It could be punching the wall, crying till your eyes swell, taking pain killers, or even pushing people out of your heart. Some people move to a new place, go on a shopping spree, or simply shut down.

The only difference is whether you knew how. We self medicate the best way we know how. Sometimes we self medicate in a way that will end up hurting ourselves even more. It helps to know Colgate soothes a burnt finger more than running water. It helps to know that drugs does not take the pain away, and dwelling in it longer could kill you. Knowledge also helps you medicate your own heart and not fall into the pits of self pity and emptiness.

So indulge me: How many of you self medicate?

Because I certainly do.

Aspirers taking the Stage

There was something else I wanted to blog about. But I decided to discard that for this:

More pictures

What do you see?

I see a generation
Rising up to take their place
With selfless faith

I see a new revival
Starring as we pray and seek
We're on our knees

What do you see?

Morning Plight

@nne was awaken at 6.15am, disappointed that it was already morning. She had not slept all that much during the night. Sigh. Her hand automatically hit the snooze button, like every other minute. Wait a minute, should I be hitting snooze today? She feels that she was supposed to wake up. Ah! who cares. It's done. And falls right back asleep, dreaming about another world at another time.

"Open your eyes and see... the wonder of a world", her phone rang the familiar song. Vengefully she answered it. "Hello," she mumbled. It was yet another morning call. It's too early to be awake! The sun had decided to sleep in today! For a moment she believes she hears a soft drizzle outside. Hooray! It's raining. But wait a minute... it's her wall clock ticking.

Oh well, a promise is a promise. @nne drags herself across her room to get ready. Shivering from the chill of the morning, she changed and led herself downstairs. Why isn't it raining? Out the door and onto the road. It's just too dark! Every household is asleep!

Her petrol was blinking empty. She silently hopes it will not break down, especially after last night's adventures where she did actually get lost. Don't step the gas pedal too much, she reminds herself. Just let it ease down the road. And around the dogs that like to sleep in the middle of the road. Didn't anyone teach these dogs to sleep at the SIDE of the road or MOVE when a car comes by? Her brain was on overdrive that morning, complaining about every single thing.

It didn't take long to arrive at the spot. Parking at an open spot, she looks around to find her companions. Looks like I'm early. She turns on the radio softly, offs the air conditioning and lies on her steering to take a short nap. But her mind laid wide awake and her body tensed, ready to climb a hill. Great, NOW you're awake?

Air of Independence

As a child growing up, I've always admired those who are able to hold themselves well, courageous enough to do what it takes to survive, those who have an air of independence about them. Movies that portray strong female characters have always appeal to me. I guess it also appeals to half the world since such women now exist in our world and have dominated the main scenes.

Here I am, at this age, giving the impression to people around me that I am altogether independent. The truth, however, could not be further away. As much as my life requires me to be independent and able, it still freaks me out and reminds me of the little child I am inside. There are still a whole list of things I find it a struggle to do on my own. Pathetic, I know.

Yesterday, however, I walked round town with my nose confidently in the air, breathing the carbon monoxide that cars in a traffic jam spits out, walking with long strides across the road (and almost hit in the face by a motorcycle). I was fueled with energy that came from knowing I was acting all independent, walking as far as my legs and heart would carry me that sunny day. I did many errands and even badgered a bank teller to have it my way. I also bought myself a blouse at a boutique in town. I was feeling accomplished as of 1.30pm yesterday. But I could not bring myself to sit down alone for lunch. I just could not.

And so I staggered to the counter to 'tapau' and slumped in front of my TV to have lunch in the privacy of my home. One day... I shall dare.

Storm Cloud

It was 8+ in the morning. We had just climbed the Kepayang hill for the umpteenth time where half way of every climb I hear a voice in my head telling me I'm insane to put myself through this. Never has a temple look so welcoming as the one on the top of Kepayang hill. (Rest assure, I've not converted) We sat on the strangely formed cemented rock at the side - as we often do.

A storm cloud was forming in a distance. It stretched from left to right and it's depth as far as the eye can see. We admired the formation and rolling of grey clouds that were drawing closer. Joy said it reminded her of Pirates of the Caribbean where the 'bad guys' were coming. But we were awestruck by it's grandeur and beauty.

( Picture taken from ETC's version of the story on her newly found blog. )

Someone ecstatically exclaimed that the clouds looked like a furry horse.

Someone else began to take a panoramic picture of the wide expanse of the cloud.

Someone quietly suggested we start our climb downwards, and was ignored.

Someone else said it was an awesome sight.

It didn't take long for us to realise every other human on the hill had scurried to journey downwards. We too took leave. 5 minutes into our downward journey, the rain started. And soon we were shivering cold, soaking wet, carefully threading the slippery path.

Someone said I told you so.

Nobody dared to debate our stupidity.

We did blame it on the Hendry weather however.

I reached home shivering to my bone at 8.40am.

Burung

This is Burung.

I have no idea how to tell a bird's gender. So we shall refer to Burung as "it".

It is my maid's pet bird. It's from the nest on the bonsai at my front door. Burung is always somewhere in our compound as it tries to take flight but fail at some point.

It is fully grown yet incapable of flying away. It's wings are weak and it cannot defend or feed itself.

But today... burung did not return.

Matthew 6:26
Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?

This is Burung. The Father of creation watches over it. It worries not.

What more you and me. We are in the Father's hands. He watches over us.

Light Bulb

Recovering from my recent depression, I sat up straight with a new flash of revelation. How is it that I never knew it before? It was painful to hear when close friends tell it like it is. It is like looking at a mirror and not liking what I saw. But at some part I guess I had always known at the subconscious level. But it never traveled to my conscious level. As painful as it was to read the words typed out on an MSN and Gtalk chat window, it was like a light bulb going off in my thought bubble. I feel like I need to spend several more days incubating this thought till I come to a sudden breakthrough in my thought and spirit. Wiping the last evidence of tears, I resolved to meditate.

I was so focused on where I was getting than appreciating the journey I was taking. The very thing I treasure I was ready to walk away from. ETC reminded me of the journey that I said I was taking. Talking about it reminded me of my personal convictions - the very summary of this blog to begin with. It's about the journey - MY journey. My journey DOES in fact matter to me! I remember narrating that to someone.

Inspired by the recent Mt Kinabalu trip some of my friends took, I set my heart upon living life again. Reading Jimbo's blog (have not actually met him but have heard so much about him) and listening to ETC's narration of the trip, I was not so much challenged to climb the mountain as I was to write. Ah, i DID benefit from YOUR climb, ETC. How is it that one can get so engrossed and exasperated about the climb that one not realise the changing scenery around one? But life's like that, isn't it? And shame on me for allowing it to happen. d, you are right. It's time I stop and work on me before I loose myself or become something I regret. The scenery will always exist, but the climber is the one who looses if he does not change. The journey is about the journey-er.

I expressed recently, how much of a drag blogging has become - forgetting why I even pull myself through this religiously. But now I remember. I remember all those times I poured my soul into a story and how proud I was of the result. I keep a file (yes, a 2-ring file file) of all my past short stories. It was a secret pride. One I had lost. Somewhere along the road. I remember too all the things I said I wanted to do in life and become. And life is catching up with me. I'm 26 (yes I don't hide my age in real life nor in this blogosphere) and all thoughts of life comes crashing in. Some calls it the quarter life crisis - although technically quarter life would be about 20, assuming 70 is the lifespan of man. Whatever you may call it, I must stick to my resolves..... what ARE they?

Oh yes, the journey matters.

@nne looks at the perfectly binded yellow covered Counseling notes and sigh. It's 10.30pm and there's a check list in her brain that is left unchecked. Better get to it then.

Oblivious to petrol hike

After classes at BCM the other day, ETC and I decided to head to LowYat to settle some business. It was only 3+pm and a great way to live the day. Looking at computer stuff. Well once in a while this is supposed to be most thrilling. Repeat it a few more times, and you might get it.

Since we are not KL bred, we decided to ask our classmate to draw us a comprehensive map. You should have seen our comprehensive map. I did not know one long straight road could be continued on 3 separate maps. I propose we include map-drawing in F2 Geography syllabus. (no offense to our map drawer who shall remain anonymous for this purpose)

We headed down the Federal Highway. For the first time I discovered this road had an end and does not actually stretch on forever into the unknown. Following closely to the directions given, we maneuvered through the madness of KL traffic and abiding by the two rules of Malaysian traffic: the Godzilla rule and the bumper rule. The Godzilla rule states that the bigger vehicle has the right of way. The bumper rule states that the vehicle whose bumper is ahead has the right of way.

It wasn't long before I discovered the atrocious road designs in KL and had turned into the wrong lane:

me: This road right
ETC: no, no.. after the temple.
me: but the map shows middle one right
ETC: That is a road? This one lah.
me: I'm turning i'm turning! Where are we now?
ETC: I don't know. We're suppose to see a school
me: Look there are students walking
ETC: No this is the wrong school
me: Ok maybe further down
ETC: I think we're on the wrong road
me: Maybe there's a way to connect further down
ETC: we're LOST. We should U-turn!
me: There's no U-turn anywhere...
ETC: There must be a U-turn somewhere
me: (after 5minutes) There! There!
ETC: ok turn turn turn!
me: Turning turning!
ETC: ok lets go back to the round-a-bout and take the right turn this time
me: Yes yes surely.
ETC: (after another 5 minutes) I see the round-a-bout. THank GOd we're back here. OK just follow the road
me: Oh NO! It's not a round-a-bout
ETC: WHY did they close off the road??
me: We're going back into the Federal Highway .... HOW!
ETC: U-turn. U turn
me: It's a highway! There's NO u-turns!
ETC: Ok just go straight. And turn out at the first junction
me: (another 5 minutes lapse) Ok we're at Midvalley. There's a turning in there that we can use
ETC: NO don't go in.
me: BUT buT BUTTT
ETC: (points straight ahead) Keep going. You don't wanna get caught in the Midvalley jam
me: but we're heading BACK into PJ!!
ETC: Nevermind...
me: At this point we'll might as well go back to BCM and start again seeing that BCM is only a few junctions down ETC: LOL!

That was somewhat our conversation in between ETC's telephone calls from various people. Our extra trip to KL and back to BCM lost us an entire 45minutes. The second time, we got it right though. Much to the amusement of our dinner party that night and classmates the next day.

Sigh

Staring at the blinking white of the LCD screen and letting out a deep long sigh...

Why is it so hard to get this over with? When did blogging become so menial and tedious?

Looking at my clocks (pic).. they don't even tell time. No wonder I'm always late. Why do I bother keeping these clock hung on the wall? They keep dying on me. There goes RM20 worth of clocks. Maybe it's a sign.... of what? I've got time staring back at me everywhere... but none I can keep well to. Branded for life for being late.


Sigh

Is there too much in my head... Or too little? I'd think it's the former.

When emotions and thoughts become overwhelming, every other thing in life becomes unimportant... a prop in the main plot, the background scene to the story. If all the world's a stage and man and women merely players.

Sigh


At this point, my new pillow (which I finally bought to solve my neck ache) looks even so inviting. Wonderful stuff. Infected the rest of my family to buy as well.






But alas it's time to dine.

Chan Wa Band in Concert 2008

Violins, flutes, trombones, bass, brass, drums, cello....

I probably have not seen or touch half of the many intricate instruments in an orchestra. But having had heard so much from my dear cousin, I know a little of how it works. And here I find myself sitting in a concert I do not understand, after an extremely long and disappointing there trying to kick my heels and enjoy the show.

Sitting through an orchestra is harder than it seems. After the initial 30seconds of a familiar tune, you begin to wonder how long is the song. Straining to recognize people onstage and trying to appreciate the sweet melody at the same time while the toddler in the front row dances with her glow band.

However, I thoroughly enjoyed and was astounded by the Percussion:

Favourite View in Citypark

Every now and then, I gather enough will to go jog (ahem* walk) in Citypark. I find it refreshing to jus sweat it out a little, breath the fresh air a little, and be near water. Call me weird, but water draws me somewhat.

I was thinking bout the sights in this place that captures my breath the most in the place and it was hard to place. Was it the tall trees that bent over and wave as I walk pass, was it the peaceful water that calms the nerves, was it the fountain that springs out over the lake, was it the joggers or the little children on bikes or the couples that cuddle in their private corner, or perhaps the fish that danced in their schools.... and then I turned and beheld...

(Pictures taken with a phone camera)

It silenced my heart - the sweet serenity, the calm assurance, the old faithful - a gentle reminder.

Marriage Enrichment Seminar

Recently, my church had a "Marriage Enrichment Seminar" - a 4-week humorous videocast seminar conducted by Mark Gungor entitled "Laugh your way to a better Marriage". First of all, no wise cracks about why I'm attending a marriage seminar. Better prepared, is all I gotta say.

The seminar itself was entertaining and different (I suppose) from any other seminar that forces facts down your throat about how husband and wife should be. And honestly, from a non-married person's perspective, it's a preparation to face a marriage life that is not what the movie often shows. We live to believe that all will be roses and rainbows when we get married, with that magical aura around us at all times. But truth be told, it's not all that. Watching this seminar helps gets the right perspective about how a guy and a girl work. In that way we understand each other better and can work together more effectively. After all, a marriage is a partnership.

A snippet of the seminar:

Ann in Hospital

Lately Ann had dengue and spent 2 nights in the General Hospital (now renamed as Hospital Tuanku Jaafar). She was released today when her blood count started to rise. Due to insufficient beds and overcrowded wards, they were only too eager to send her home, much to her delight. She had a drip attached to her veins for far too long. See the blood beginning to flow the other way? (pic)



Anyway, thank God she's all well now. And that it was all just a phase thingy.

SMART Tunnel

This is the first time I'm driving through the SMART tunnel. (I think) And to think I know two people who had a hand in completing this tunnel. Kudos guys! I guess people always want to associate with greatness...



We were heading to KLGH to visit Mishalini who was in there for a brain operation to remove her brain tumour. It's a frightening thought and dangerous operation. But since this is a backblog, by now she is doing FINE. God has been good and she is recuperating well. PTL!