Life is a journey

loved this

2011-03-18T23:59:00.002+08:00

There are some sights in your life that simply catches your breath and fills your vision.
This was one of it. :)

@Sepang GoldCoast during Minister's Retreat on 15th March 2011 while helping other BCMers
with Children's ministry for the day.

More pictures of Sepang GoldCoast here.

the inevitable

2011-03-04T16:37:00.003+08:00

When the ground under your feet has been removed, you either sink to the bottom of the ocean or you pray you have enough faith to walk on water.

Change is inevitable and must come for one to be shaken out of their comfort zone
and for one to grow.

The test of your true strength and faith comes not when all is well, but when all has fallen apart;
you then find the grace to stand again. And you find that you can.
And you find that God has His hand extended to you.

Oh God into your hands I commit the inevitable and trust in the Unchanging!

Mission trip

2011-02-22T21:45:00.005+08:00

This is a lagging response on the part of my heart about the last week's trip. It seems to me that my heart always need time to catch up to what happens in my physical realm. I decided against back-dating for reasons that will be included below.

Last week I joined the BCM group for a mission trip in a not-so remote settlement. There we shared in fellowship but most of all minister to the church that meets in that settlement. It had been a long time since my last missions trip and I was excited to go for this one. Missions usually excite me - i'm not sure if its because of the travelling and the other culture prospect or was it really that I was excited to reach a people group for God? An unsolved issue within my heart.

And although I testified 3 times about the trip within the community of the youth in my church, I still felt something that was unrealised to me swimming at the back of my heart. Today I heard a caucasion speaker preaching in Mandarin. I was awed by their lives' commitment in order to reach a people group. What is our life that we should treasure it so much, and continue to add onto it, or fight for it? What do we have that is not already His? All we possess is this life we're living.

I realised that even though I was rather stressed about preaching in another language, I was more excited at the opportunity that has been given me to give in this manner, to be used by God to reach His people. God uses anyone who is willing to speak to His own. And it's been an honour that I had a chance to do that. I guess in ministry, we tend to forget that it is always not about us but about God wanting to reach His people. I had forgotten that for a while. Held very tightly to what I did know. But it took me quite a while, after the buzz has died down for everyone else, for me to finally grasp something in my heart. Lag.

Dilemma

2011-02-19T21:28:00.004+08:00

My skin doctor thinks I need to sleep more and lessen my stress to help my skin medication take proper effect. I told him that's highly impossible, and if there's anything he can do about it? He gave me antibiotics and more medication. Looks like this is going to be a long journey to recovery.

As we get older...

2011-02-10T23:14:00.005+08:00

As we get older, we realize how precious family and friends are. We try to make it back for the holidays, meet up with people just to catch a glimpse of our youth and how it used to be.

As we get older, we find that we are aging very fast and we have lesser and lesser time for the things we really should do - self improvement and rest, building relationships and reach out. We try make time for ourselves and become detached from others, or be the superheros we are not by squeezing in time for everything and lose part of our sanity.

As we get older, we find it harder to hang out too long or too late - our backs hurt, we get tired and grumpy. So we try to make the little time we have count and hang out on the right side of the clock.

As we get older, I hope too, that we become less easily offended or sensitive, more mature and compromising. We try, we try.

Happy Chinese New Year to all!

God's chosen authority

2011-01-31T12:18:00.003+08:00

God has a university. It's a small school. Few enroll, even fewer graduate.
Very, very few indeed.

God has this school because He does not have broken men. Instead He has several other types of men.
He has men who claim to be God's authority... and aren't; men who claim to be broken... and aren't.
And men who are God's authority, but who are mad and unbroken. And He has regretfully, a spectroscopic mixture of everything in between. All of these men He has in abundance; but broken men, hardly at all.

In God's sacred school of submission and brokenness, why are there so few students?
Because all who are in this school must suffer much pain. And as you might guess, it is often the unbroken ruler (whom god sovereignly picks) who metes out the pain.
David was once a student in this school, and Saul was God's chosen way to crush David.

As the king grew in madness, David grew in understanding. He knew that God had placed him in the king's palace, and under true authority.

The authority of King Saul, true? Yes, God's chosen authority. Chosen for David. Unbroken authority, yes. But divine in ordination, nonetheless.

Yes, that is possible.

David drew in his breath, placed himself under his mad king, and moved farther down the path of his earthy hell.

- chapter 5, "A Tale of Three Kings" by Gene Edwards.

Food for thought....

foggy weather

2011-01-24T23:40:00.003+08:00

According to my phone, the weather in PJ now is FOGGY.
Never seen such before.

*peers outside to see the fog* too dark me thinks.

I wonder if there's one for 'hazy'?

Camp paving a new era

2011-01-21T08:38:00.003+08:00

Or at least I'm praying it would.

There's something very precious about Aspirers camps that I can't escape. It draws me and motivates me. Before every camp I feel stressed and weary and worried. But there is that one moment in camp that reminds me that it is all worth it. It's usually the same moment (one I thought I'd become numb to after so many years, but did not - thank God):

I remember that Larissa was leading the song "Forever reign" on the second night and challenging everyone to cling on to this God who never fails. And I lifted my hands to proclaim over and over again "my heart will sing, no other name (but) Jesus!" and I meant it with every breath. Then instinctively I turned around to look (I almost always stand near the front). And I saw.

I saw many hands lifted high and words of declaration that 'their heart would sing no other name'. I saw knees bent and heads bowed in adoration and desperation. I saw tears flowing on faces who have long lost that conviction. I saw those who did not know our God sobbing. I saw the young ones, with eyebrows creased in determination and hands raised in worship. I heard the hearts of the young declaring and clinging on to their God. Yes, their God. I heard prayers uttered from simple and trusting hearts. I felt the pain of many being poured out like water and there was healing. I saw heaven open and angels sing.

And I fell on my knees and cried to my God. Because this is what I prayed for, worked for, argued for, and boldly declared. My heart thanked Him for showing me some results, some fruits. I know that I know that God is working and it is solely God who can make that change. I'm only an instrument. But God oh God is so amazing! Every testimony I've heard since then was about how they themselves heard from God or how God had worked in them! It was all about how God is so amazing. And my heart praise Him! It didn't matter of no one remembered the games or all the other background planning - it MATTERED that they remembered their vows to God when God came down.

And on a personal note, this year I saw the older ones rise up. We've been (well i have) complaining, nagging, persuading, encouraging the college group to rise up and take the responsibility and all that. We've been (well again i have) lecturing the leaders to please please please ... well I'll leave the rest unsaid. And it had been a thorn in my flesh and many tears shed before the Lord, that I felt more alone than ever in ministry. But the turn of the year and of events, brought about positive change in everyone. And even though Derrick is leaving, now, I see what God has been doing. My fear dissolved when I saw that God was preparing their hearts and spirit. Derrick, leave in peace then. :)

This is the beginning of a new era... you wait and see...

p/s: pictures are on FB.

transitions

2011-01-04T00:15:00.001+08:00

As the year ended, my life entered a major transition. I'm normally bad with transitions. They make my world feel insecure and unstable. You can't rock my world and expect me to continue smiling. But I figured, this time around, though it's probably more than I can bear, that I'd take it like the grown-up I think I am. I have to. I can't sulk in a corner anymore.

So I've decided to face it head on and accept whatever is coming. I believe that God has a plan for me and that it is good. I believe that God will hold me through it all and that He won't let me fall. I believe that this is good for me and that it is time for change. And so...

As of Jan 1st, 2011, my family moved into a new abode - after 22years in the old place, it was probably a good time for change. The move was challenging and I realised how much junk I had accumulated over the years. Time to strip down and focus on what I really wanted as well. I'm rather happy with my own room as the rest of my family is happy with their corner of the house. The only problem is that it is now further to get to church. pfft.

3 nights in the new house and i'm off to BCM. Yes, you heard tat right. I'm checking in as a full-time student for the next 2 years. So I'm back in college (wow to say that at this age is ... interesting. yes, i shall use the word 'interesting') But here I am, needing to get back into the rhythm of a student life and do it well this time. Personally, I want to come here to discipline my life in many areas - many areas in which I have been unable to do it myself or because of various constraints. So even though I'm required to wake up at 6am (madness) I'm gonna try it! Surprised at me? You know, I guess it simply is time :)

So here's to two big transitions in my life. May God bless my paths and heart. I pray that I will be able to carry this through faithfully and well. AMen!

a few things i must archive

2010-12-31T22:29:00.001+08:00

I've not been blogging much in the last two months. And I feel guilty for not archiving some important events in my life. Go figure. So to ease my conscience and to ensure that certain things are not forgotten.... I shall briefly mention them.

p/s: this was of course not blogged at the time and date displayed. I was at that time elsewhere.

GLS 2010 which was held in Metrotab on the 22-23rd Nov was a little too tiring for me this time
VBA followed soon after on the 29-30th Nov but I wasn't involved
Instead I was rushing my asgn and almost thought I couldn't make it. I surprised myself when I did.
December brought a lot of events starting with the first ever Birds and Bees Workshop on the 4th of Dec which proved useful and needful.
After a lot of shopping buzz with the post SPM-ers,
There was aspirers christmas party where fourletterstory wowed the crowd on the 19th of Dec
After that it was full out packing and moving with the family
Christmas rolled along with another bout of shopping and presents
Attending 3 weddings in the month (2 of which were family) allowed time for pampering and dressing up!
Forgiving myself for neglecting a lot of stuff, it was back to the craze of packing
Running away on the 29-30th dec for a short but absolutely refreshing leaders retreat with the youth did a lot of good for me and for the team.
and as the year ended, so did a big chapter of my life....

Acne dilemma

2010-12-21T23:46:00.003+08:00

Recently I entered my second teenage phase - skin wise - and it irks me. "I'm too old for this" wells up and "why Lord?". Is this called aging or jus consequences of modern medicine? Ugh! And I thought it was over... I was so glad it was over. For once in my life!

So I'm starting the cycle all over again - pills, dry skin, etc. What else can I do? Besides the fact that it is very very expensive, what worries me the most is that my future baby might be affected! I don't want to have to face that. Having kids is important to me and I don't want to jeopardize that. Perhaps I should go for second opinion.

When will this ever end? bleh

tired of walking alone

2010-12-15T22:19:00.002+08:00

After prayer meeting today, I slipped away from the crowd without saying anything to anyone. I walked to my car and sat in it alone. The silence drowned in and the world slowed down. Yea like the movies. I sat for an awkward silence before willing myself to simply move, and get away as fast as possible. But I continued to smile, because it was necessary and because it was expected.

I'm tired of walking alone on the road and tired of the crowd. Tired of sitting in deafening silence. Tired of being left behind or taken for granted. Tired of being nice and tired of being mean. Tired of feeling and tired of numbness. Tired of the endless unbreakable cycle. Tired of pretending and hiding and protecting. Tired of being strong and tired of being too weak. Tired of feeling tired too.

Perhaps that's why I leave the TV on and constantly find something to do, finding a way to drown out that thought. Perhaps it's easier to keep moving, faithfully doing what I need to do. And not ponder. Not wonder. But I'm tired of that too.

It used to be a tension between the fear of going at it alone and the desire for independence. I use to try to find that freedom of independence, yet hide behind the fear of the unknown tomorrow and world out there. It was a tension that could never be solved - perhaps should not be solved. But now, i'm just tired of trying.

What can I say? What do you deduce? It's no secret.

... Then an old familiar song came to mind 'tho none go with me, still I will follow'.... and the tiredness starts to blur. Perhaps I'm simply afraid of walking alone?

Silence not always golden

2010-12-06T10:52:00.003+08:00

My blog has been silent for a very long time. Actually one month isn't all that long but in my record of blogging... rather long I suppose.

The truth is I've been busy. You can't imagine how things pile up sometimes and you don't find time for yourself that much. Every change I get I simply plop myself in front of the one-eye monster and zone into another world. Escapism it's called. There's been so much activities and simply things that needed to be done, so I faithfully hurried along doing everything that needed to be done. That's the way it is, isn't it?

But more than that. My spirit has sunken to a new low, where feelings and passion are being desensitized. I'm not sure I care that much anymore. I'm not sure I want to that much anymore. And it's ironic consider where my life is heading - it seems that I should gear myself up for it and prepare myself (and my heart) to deal with the challenges ahead. Cos I Do know where God is bringing my life to. (I mean where He's leading it to) but i simply can't find in my heart and spirit to. I wanna repel everything at the moment and sulk. Mayb it's fear that is gripping and paralyzing. Mayb it's disappointment in unfulfilled hopes and dreams and prayers. Maybe time and again the failures scream in my face. Maybe I'm just drowning or suffocating where I am? Maybe it's jus the entire transition process that is most difficult. Maybe it's just me.

But God oh God, I can't seem to reach You. God my Lord, I can't seem to want to. When the journey starts to loose it's light, how can then I continue to lead? How can I guide? Like the blind leading the blind, we'd fumble our way till I find you. Why oh God. What's wrong with me? How do I continue to put one foot in front of the other?

Making a shift...

2010-11-01T18:13:00.002+08:00

Making a shift to HTC - a whole new world of difference in doing things. Quietly brilliant. Seriously.

Just as I was exploring the possibilities and getting used to the idea of getting something. It was thrown in my lap. *plock* And I looked at God with my sepet eyes. "You always know, Lord." *smiles secretly*

It also pays to have family in the right line. Hmm...
And again, no, my parents are not adopting you so that you can get the same privileges. *sweats*

Now I need to get use to it so that it is actually useful to me, and make sure I don't drop it at all!

Shuga

2010-10-26T00:40:00.006+08:00

I saw a news on a show called 'Shuga' that hit the streets of Africa for the young. It was a modern, hip and realistic show about young people and their lives, set in Nairobi. It's an effort by UNICEF and MTV to tackle important issues among young people, especially in Kenya. It brought up issues about safe sex, HIV, lifestyle and so on. Read more here.

It became an ambassador for HIV and Aids in Africa. HIV and Aids have been a leading problem in Africa for years with no hope. CNN reported that many young people identified and related with the characters in the show. Organizations took advantages of the message of the movies by promoting that young people get tested right outside the cinema that opens this show and the response have been tremendous. Surveys showed that 60% of Kenyan young people are into the show and are really looking at ways to change their own lifestyle to lead a better life. It was a young people telling young people thing, and it was really effective as a voice among the young.

I was impress at such a conscious and effective effort to make a difference in young people's life. I applaud the effort and look forward to a better world. Perhaps this is really the change that Africa needed. God is still working in this nation. And He will faithfully continue to work in this nation!

Shattered

2010-10-16T22:39:00.005+08:00

I couldn't believe it. I looked at my car in shock. How could it possibly have happened?
I stood frozen with my backpack and didn't know what to say. My colleagues were discussing it in front of me - what was the next best course of action. To me, I still just couldn't believe it.

I had always heard that the cutting grass could send stones flying which could hit your windshield which could crack. I just never thought it would happen - much less to me. I guess you always never think it would happen to you.

Thank God insurance covered it. I'm still speechless though. These things happen? I guess it does. And oh well, I also learnt a lot of things - about procedures and about car safety.

Did you know your front windshield won't shatter this manner - for security sake - in the case you are driving and a stone hits. Did you know the UV shield actually held the pieces of glass together instead of falling out. Did you know your insurance agent is suppose to settle everything for you - even picking the car from your place when things like these happen?

Amazing artistry across the evening sky

2010-10-08T22:08:00.001+08:00

I was driving back, passing one of my favourite spots - its the heightest spot on the flyover where it feels like you're driving into the skies.

And then I saw this...

like the title says... it was like amazing artistry across the evening sky - only better. Like wow!

Picture does not do it justice.

Silent Retreat

2010-10-07T23:29:00.005+08:00

So I just got back from a silent retreat, as is part of my course requirements. A 3D2N retreat at Fraser's Hill where we can't talk at all. Can't communicate in any way. It sounds like such a freaky thing to do in our age. How do you cut off everything and live in isolation for a period of time?

But it was rather relieving to just get away and not run after anything. To enjoy the beauty that God has created for us and to enjoy God through them. How cool is that? We should all get away now and then and just nourish our souls. I thank God for this opportunity. It really was a gift in this time and age when you can't catch a break sometimes.

I even had time to indulge in something I've been wanting to do. I may not be a pro but who cares, I like doing it. Even got it photoshopped after I came down from the hill. The above are just some of the pics that I have. The rest can be found on my flickr and facebook sites. Isn't it just beautiful? There's more beauty everywhere than we care to look.

Besides that, I really thought that God might speak to me on something crucial in my life - like something I should let go or something I need to do or something to that extend. It was a stressful feeling and I was slightly worried. But all God did was to allow me to rest in His arms and reminded me that He loves me just as I am. There was no pre requisite and there is no other requirements. It was rather relieving and peaceful to know that I need to try so hard sometimes. I forget that sometimes. It's amazing to be loved and known by God. And it's amazing that He does not expect us to be more than human.

Love you, God! And thank You!

2010-10-02T23:03:00.003+08:00

Early this morning I was suppose to wake up at 6.00am for Morning Prayers. My alarm rang on time. And I rolled over to turn it off. Lying on my back I told my body to get up. I was all ready to get up and go.

Right about then, the whole silent world froze while time continued to tick by. Somehow I was completely unconscious of it nor have any form of memory about what happened. My theory is that professor X wasn't that far off and up to something in the mutant world.

Cos right then I turned to look once more at my clock. It was 6.25am. 25minutes had simply skipped by and I had no idea how. I don't remember falling asleep or waking up.

Later while napping after returning from morning prayers, it happened again. My alarm rang at 8.30am as planned. But a second look at the clock revealed that it was 8.55am instead.

Just a little unwell

2010-09-28T10:38:00.000+08:00

It's been over two weeks now and I'm still coughing up green mucus. Eww..
I caught the flu in china and it's really lingering...

Don't remember ever being sick so long in my life. Ugh what's wrong with me? God I just wanna get well. And a little voice says "perhaps you should use your common sense and bother to medicate yourself then huh" Oh Pfft.

Singapore for Valerie's wedding

2010-09-20T22:09:00.000+08:00

This is my third destination in short of a month. Which is totally uncommon. And a little stressful I might add.

But there I was rushing down to Singapore via the midnight train. Not a pleasant experience I might add. But we managed to drag ourselves there and around and finally for the wedding!

Congrats Valerie and Thiong Guan. Or is it Thiong Guan and Valerie? Hmm.. It was a happy ocassion and I'm so happy for you guys. And hope u two have a good one. May God bless you and take care of you.

It was great catching a break and walking around Singapore, meeting up with old friends and just hanging. Although I faced a series of unfortunate events, all's well that ends well. More pictures here. Miss you guys already!

China Trip 2010

2010-09-15T18:43:00.001+08:00

Ok so here's me talking about my China trip. I was so lazy to write this down. It was very appreciative for this trip that I did not need to pay. God provides in mysterious ways. It's my first trip to real china and to where my grandparents came from - hometown. Regardless of what others feel about their origin, I was pretty excited to find out. And so I jumped on a plane with my mom and two sisters and headed to xiamen with a bunch of other family members. Yippee! My first tour.

The above is a page of my journal and all the places we went and all the things we learnt! Being in a tour gives you so much more when the tour guide tells you its history and news and all the things you would have otherwise missed. And I begin to realise the deep culture and significance of so many things around me - even those that were not said. So despite the heat and the migraine, toe swelling, and flu that I got, I experienced more than my fair share of things.

Being on a trip like this allows us the opportunity to get to know each other more. I've never spent 8days straight with my cousins before. Man, I didn't quite even notice some before this ;) That's quite bad of me. I'm glad I got to know some of my cousins a little better. Although there were things I could have live with not knowing. But family's family. It tests your patience, and everything!

For more pictures, check out Lynne's (my sister) photo album on facebook. I'm too lazy to upload or anything like that. :)

We met up with the folks back at home and the only awkwardness was our inability to communicate properly (it was weird to hear the whole town speak a language that is almost extinct here that we use as a secret language). But it was rather touching when they say "make yourself at home cos you're home" and they hold your hand with tears in their eyes. And oh, Putian is a city. Seremban is the kampung.

But despite of all that, I really do not like tours very much. You don't get much rest and you eat way too much. I also don't get to experience the real deal - the street food, the normal hussle and bussle, etc. Isn't that what traveling is about? Experiencing all that? But I didn't mind the amazing hotels though. hehe. Aaahh all in all it was good. =) so very tiring though....

Trip to Camerons

2010-09-02T23:04:00.011+08:00

It was something I had to do, as daunting as it had at first sound to me. But that's me. I'm usually afraid to leave the shore to reach the edge of the waters that I want to go. As ironic as that may sound to you. But every time I find an anchor I know I can depend on, I will go. Cos the edge of the water promises a beautiful horizon that I want to see and be a part of.

So this something that I had to do turned into a roadtrip to eat and get away from reality. I was excited. I couldn't believe it. And so in the midst of 'working', we had our own holiday.

With Jotay eating and sleeping almost all the way, (which did give a certain serenity on the road) I had some time to think and absorb the scenery. I usually have a lot swimming in my mind and heart. Most of the time I simply wonder when the hecticness had so much control over me. Have you ever notice how our lives have became a list of 'to dos'. And you cannot seem to break out of the system anymore. Many of those times we're just doing things we have to do. And all meanings slowly becomes lost. No wonder I'm not moving along in my life? Have I become stuck?

But this time I wasn't really thinking of all the things I had to do. (I couldn't even if I wanted to) With the GPS telling us where to go and Der driving and Jotay keeping tab of the bill, I only had my agenda at hand. I stared out at the jungle on the left side of the car and felt the breeze on my face, and felt happy. A kind of peace and happiness I've not felt in a long while. And it felt SO good! And then I wondered where it had been all this while. Is it so hard to feel happy? Is happy such a fleeting feeling these days? (note: it's not that I'm not happy with my life. In fact I find more fulfilment in doing what I do than I have anywhere else. It is my honour and pleasure to serve GOd this way. Sure there will always be unsatisfaction here and there. But in this side of heaven, surely! Yet it is my heart that feels heavy from so many a burden and pain. That I don't know how to enjoy much anymore or simply feel happy and not worry or try so hard to be...)

So I thank the people who were willing to indulge me and make me happy. I thank God for such people in my life and I thank God for always knowing and always giving that little that I need to go on. I know that you're amazing and that this is who You are and who You will always be. I know that You will always love me like that and care for me like that. I want to learnt to always trust You like that. Knowing that You hold everything in the palm of Your hands and that all resources comes from You - no matter what form it comes from or from who. Teach me to let go and allow myself enjoy.

Have you ever notice how the clouds rush into itself and roll over the horizon? Have you ever notice the layers of colours in a sunset? Have your heart ever stop short from looking at a sight because it was too beautiful for words? =)

Hope and meaning

2010-08-28T10:02:00.004+08:00

I've heard about him some time back and even used it to motivate the youth. But it never fails to inspire me again. So watch the video below and be inspired!

So many times we focused our attention on our own needs and wants and lack and it really does make us more miserable. When we start to look within ourselves, what really did we expect to find? Something extraordinary? But when we begin to look out and beyond, and really hang our hearts on our sleeves, we find extraordinary meaning in the things we can do.

How long can I moan for an iphone or blackberry when there are many who do not even have telephone connected to their homes or that they do not have anyone who'd want to look for them to begin with. We must go, we must see, we must give, we must share, we must care. Then regardless of what I don't have, or what's been wronged me, or what issues I might have... it pales by comparison.

I've got to remember, as I remember my God-given dream, that it's not about how much I can withstand or bear. It has always been about Him.

almost familiar books

2010-08-15T18:25:00.000+08:00

The other day as I was having lunch and I saw this side book-stall (the kind that sells cheap chinese books which I normally don't bother to stop to look since I can't read Chinese). The front cover graphic caught my eye as it was familiar. Twilight! They're selling that cheap? They may have other favourable books then! So I thought. A closer look revealed that the familiar covered books were splattered with Chinese characters. Wow. They translated all these books? There was The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, all the Twilight series, and other popular books which I can't recall right now.

Yes, it's my birthday yesterday

2010-08-13T14:51:00.001+08:00

Yes it's another year. This time I'm not that excited. After all, my age is beginning to stare me in the face and scoff! And it's not that I feel old - I feel exactly the same - but the realization, I guess, is what gets to you. Hmm..

I woke up in the morning not know what to expect or even hope for. Not hoping for anything won't set me up for disappointment right? So that's what I decided to do. Woke up early enough, amazingly, and decided to take off early too. I was greeted by a beautiful sight - the sky was dotted by fluffy clouds that decorated the sky all the way to work. =) This may mean nothing to you, but it was a beautiful greeting by its Creator! I serve an awesome God!

The rest of the day was spent replying birthday wishes as I wanted to properly show my gratitude to people's kind effort to wish me - tho it's not that hard these days. I figured it's another way to also still try to stay in touch. So oops... there went my day (shhh!)

As I grow older, i learn a few new things:

Life is not about what I receive, or the dreams I achieve, or if I was treated rightly. Life is about what I give, and how I gave it to make it all a little better.
Life is not about the projects and events I've done or accumulated, nor is it ever much about the destination we are all scrambling to get to. Life is about the hearts we touch and are touched with along the way - the little things that adds wealth in one's life and makes one beautiful.
Life cannot be about who or how many people surround you - although that can be a tremendous blessing. Life is about who you are to those around you - a blessing or a curse.

Ultimately remembering that life is not about you so stop whining. If you've said you've given your life to Christ then carry your cross. My life is not my own, I've given it to You, O Lord - where I know it will be safe and meaningful. May I be all that You intend me to be. When I fall or fail, please don't give up on me - I will get up again and praise Your name.

In the end of the day, it was a rather satisfying birthday after all. =)

My Blog has a new outlook

2010-08-10T16:56:00.003+08:00

Upon entering my blog, you should have noticed. I'm renovating at the moment so there's more to come. Please be patient as I edit the small details and add more tabs...

Tell me what you think so far.

(also will be updating back-posts soon.)

Elaine is married!

2010-08-03T15:50:00.001+08:00

So a bunch of people traveled down to Singapore to witness (and join in the joyous occasion, as weddings usually are). It was a beautiful wedding where, as my uncle puts it, the bride and groom are very fortunate to have good friends being their kulis and doing all the 'running around' for them to prepare for this day. We all need such good friends who would take the time out and risk their necks and sacrifice having panda eyes for you. And this they did have.

So my cousin sister is married. Congrats to both Cyrus and Elaine and may God bless your marriage greatly as He has blessed your lives and studies and experiences.

But while she's busy getting married, I decided that this rushed, obligated and hectic journey can also be my tiny break from reality. It was not a norm. And since I seldom have the opportunity for that kinda breaking of norm (if you don't count going for a movie as a form of escapism), this was a good opportunity as ever to tell my mind that I'm having my break, my fill, my fantasy, my thrill.

So thank you God. More than others can understand...

What the world is coming to

2010-07-29T09:26:00.005+08:00

What is the world coming to? In the news today, a primary school girl was raped by the school bus driver in front of other children passenger in broad day light. Fortunately for her, passersby heard the screams and came to her rescue. There was a time when these shameful crimes were done in secret but these days madmen emerges in the day. The vampires are no longer afraid of the sun cos they sparkle and not melt. That's the symbolism of today. It's not just a story.

I was just thinking that I would let my future kids ride the school bus so as not to be spoilt, but viewing the circumstances of what's happening today, can I trust that the same might not befall my little girl? And we wonder why more and more parents are willing to wait in the scorching sun, and jam packed roads to pick their kids.

I heard on the radio yesterday that the government is making a move to promote sex within marriage to school children to curb the rising promiscuity and teen pregnancies. They will be linking up with non-government organizations to create awareness as well as do the pledge thing. I would say it's a little too late to be imposing that, but nevertheless good virtues to be keeping. That's one of the good things in this country. Others may call us open minded, but to protect our young and the future generations, these may be a good step to be taken.

On other news, I heard on the radio too (and in the news) that this year has been the hottest in global temperatures ever recorded and it could be long-term. Experts are concerned about this change and some even predicted 12years till the polar ice cap starts to melt. The rise of environmental awareness is now more than just a fad but a serious step to save humanity. The Star says that it is a ticking time bomb, but hey haven't we always? Jesus is coming back soon. Are you ready? The world will end as prophesied.

Back in the library

2010-07-28T15:30:00.002+08:00

It's back in the library for me. One more week to push everything through. I keep telling myself I should have started earlier but I wouldn't listen. Sigh!~ reaping the consequences of my laziness as I slog through to finish before I take off this weekend. 5 more to go.

Thank God for this library so close to home - and it's huge and full of resources too. It's big, it's comfy, it's quiet, it's Wi-Fied. This is currently my little desk corner (those cubicle desks in the movies).

Oh yea, did you see the moon last night? What a looker! Such a beautiful sight!

in the Master's Hands

2010-07-20T12:49:00.001+08:00

There are a lot of things I don't understand
But I'll leave it in the Master's hand
For to come up with my own plan
Would be the foolish alternative of every man
~Me

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding
In all your ways acknowledge Him
and He shall direct your paths
~Proverbs 3:5-6

Heart don't fail me now
Courage don't desert me
Who knows where this road will go
People always say
Life is full of choices
No one ever mentions fear...
~"Journey to the Past", Aaliyah

When the reigns of life escapes my hand
And time slips through my fingers like sand
Heart take courage that the Lord will understand
And He will guide your ship safely to land
~Me

In Christ Alone

2010-07-15T14:35:00.002+08:00

Woke up thinking of this song:

Reminding myself...

That my trust - about my life, my future, everything - must be in Christ alone! My thoughts and admiration, my focus and hope, my self worth and security, my all in all.

Rappelling

2010-07-11T21:05:00.002+08:00

That's not me, btw. That's Steph. Someone forgot to take a pic of me =( But nonetheless I climbed five huffing-puffing floors up to scale five free flying storeys down. I don't really know why I did it, but they say you should try everything once - there's so much to life to live.

"Tangan kanan pegang tali"

Now which hand is that.

"Lepas dinding tu"

Oh that hand

"Okay now sit"

Errm, sit on what?

"Your harness will hold you. Just sit on your harness"

In mid air?!?

"I'm holding you. Just sit."

Ok, okay, sit. My legs are pretty numb now.

"Ok now put your leg down"

Down where?

"Put your feet under the ledge. On the wall."

What? Wait! Let me breath. *gasp* *gasp*

"Ok now let go. Trust me. I'm holding you. Just let go"

I trust you! But I just can't let go!

God knows how long I was there before I finally found myself rappelling down the wall, leg slipping on the wall, hands refusing to let go of the rope with yells of "let go of the rope". But I can now proudly say I've done it *grins* I have a scrapped shin, aching left arm and abs (can't left my arm above my head) - shows how out of shape I am. hehe.

Events Events

2010-06-27T16:42:00.007+08:00

Alright here's a diary of events in the month of June. This listing is for me, not you. Partly I don't know where to put my pictures and partly I would like to remember these (not sure why yet) few years from now.

So there was the Chan Wa Concert Band on the 18th of June. Including this, it would be my third time. Though I do not entirely appreciate the art of ochestra but it's rather impressive to see a collection of a hundred students coming together to put together an amateur yet beautiful presentation. (I can't tell if it goes out anyway) Besides, some of my youths were there and I make it a point =)

Oh my, yes, I do need to put this picture in as well. Our family decided to pop in a show house Sunday afternoon - Pearl132 by IJM - the one that has been advertised all over S2 just to take a look. The decorator was simply splendid and I loved her concepts.

I made Lynne stand in the toilet and stretch out her hand to show the length of the bathroom (which as you can see is partitioned into the bathing area and the sink area - makes for convenient when sharing).

And then there was that bird that built a nest outside my house again. The babies hatched - what do you call them? Chicks? - and were constantly chirping from hunger. It didn't take long for the mother to relocate them though, either due to the noise of my clanging front grill doors or the intrusion of one adopted bird that fell out of another nest and placed in that nest (by us).

We celebrated my grandma's birthday together with father's day that Sunday. What was the date? How old is she already? 85? I'm not entirely sure. All I know is that she is very old yet still rather strong - anxiously waiting to see more of her grandchildren marry off and perhaps a few great grand kids to show for it. Well I told her to continue to intercede for us.

Yes, Bella is officially part of the family.

It's also back to the library for me for almost 3 weeks of day and night classes (faint). So I've been missing for some time... spending my days in very cold classrooms and libraries (seeing more reference books than all my life put together), hoping to push through a few subjects till the end of July (what was I thinking?). But here goes... pray for me - for strenght and perseverance, for ideas and rajin-ness. Dear God, help me!

Church Camp Pre Trip-ers

2010-06-25T23:55:00.006+08:00

This is a back blog. I've decided not to change the date of the blog.
Church Camp was June 13-16, 2010 in Summerset Resort, Rompin.

In writing about the past Church Camp, I've decided to write from a different slant. Everyone else is already talking about the events during the actual camp. Personally (and I'm not whining or grumbling) I was rather pre occupied and busy the entire camp that most of it escapes me. Except for the pleasure of being in the company of my peers (it has been quite a long time since).

A few of us were told to go ahead of the rest (a day early) to ensure all is in order and to fix the rooming which till then was yet to be released to us. This story is told to show what a pre team actually does.

So Winne, JoFo and myself, along with the little one hoped into the car and started our 3 hour journey to Rompin. Unc.Frankie and Philip packed into another van together with as much instruments as we can carry. 3 hours we were told, which did not sound all that bad. Of course, it really didn't feel like just three hours when you're traveling on trunk roads and passing hundreds of kampung houses in the pouring rain. In fact, for us, it was 4.5hours. But JoFo kept us entertained.

Upon arrival, of course, we checked out the resort and checked into our rooms. Although it did take rather long that for all that to happen, due to technical difficulties. The waiting was tiring. But in the course of time we managed to keep the equipment, check out the grounds, settle into a room (after that much waiting, any room would do), having dinner and meeting with the resort representative to discuss the finalization of the camp details on top of having to prepare stuff for the kids camp. That was for the night. My camera was fully utilized.

All these activities proved too much for us girls as we plopped in bed watching Tremor 4 and stuffing our faces with shoestring potatoes. *yum* Eventually we called it a night. The next day, I predicted, would be a long day. And I was right.

After a slow morning and a prolonged breakfast, and welcoming the team from the chinese department, we pursued the resort for the yet-to-be-given rooms. Finally with the list... we sat down to finalized the rooming. I wish to say it was only a matter of dividing and plotting but it was impossible to please everyone. With the limited resources and unfortunate circumstances at hand (late room and not the most ideal of positions), some people's need had to be overlooked. It was with the heaviest of heart. (Next time just pay more and get a place with elevator!)

Of course, that was not the only problem. Normally, we check every room to make sure it is okay before any of our members arrive to check in themselves. But if you're getting the keys at 4pm and some as late as 9pm, wouldn't you say its impossible and some rooms deemed unusable and has to be changed? And thus was my job. Anyone else wants my job?

More pictures and narration on Facebook.

Slacking

2010-06-25T18:44:00.003+08:00

It's been some time since I posted a new entry. Looks like my hecticness did not end. But was it really busy-ness or laziness? I don't really know. Though it sounds contradicting, I think it's both.

Here's me trying to update my blog (for memory purposes) on what's been happening in the last 4 weeks or so. There was Camp, there was grandma's birthday, there is the Studying, and many random things in between like the baby bird hatching in the nest just outside, the visit to pearl132, chan wa band concert. I don't even know where to start....

*at this point, laziness begins to take over again. As @nne looks at the list of things to blog about and the amount of pictures stored in her camera, her mind begins to tell her she has no time for this right now. So she decided to postpone blogging again. Cell is, after all, in an hour*

A hectic weekend

2010-05-31T00:05:00.001+08:00

Sometimes i wonder if we're busy cos we have that many things to do or we're busy cos we choose to be so. some of us are unfortunate to be force into such circumstances, some of us seek out such circumstances - consciously or unconsciously. I don't like the idea that i'm busy or am known to be that, but i do fill up my calendar. (a nicely filled up calendar gives certain satisfaction) Is it totally wrong to fill that life should not be wasted, that there is so much to do? Ironically I don't spend as much time doing my personal things (clear my hdd, do my shopping, etc).

Last weekend was one of those weekends. It was busy yet rather satisfying.

A fundraiser...

A wedding...

And dinner with the gals...

I've learnt to pace myself and enjoy it at the same time. So why would u think i'm miserable because I'm tired? I'm just tired cos I don't exercise enough for the right amount of stamina. But the things I do makes sense. Has purpose. And how many people can really say that? Not too many right?

However, on a side note, I do need to start doing a few other important things. Note to self. You don't need to know exactly what though.

Effort to win the public

2010-05-27T19:46:00.001+08:00

With the recent political upheaval in the country, the only thing that can be expected from all parties, is an effort to win the heart of the public - to right the wrong sin this country. Logically. But much time and effort was spent in pointing fingers, bringing up controversial issues, covering up more dirt... makes any thinking countrymen roll their eyes and cover our heads in shame. Grow up already!

However, this morning newspaper reports Government Transformation Program towards building a better Malaysia. (4 page spread). See picture below. One of the plans include improving the public transportation in the urban areas. Finally?

I want to believe the people on top are starting to wake up and fight for the country - for whatever their personal reasons are. In the end we just wanna believe there's hope for the country. There's hope for its citizens. But the only we thing we can do is sit and pray and watch if it comes to pass. It's really about time....

Magnificient Views

2010-05-19T22:11:00.002+08:00

Oh I suddenly remembered.... here's something that I simply must tell - be it to the world or to remind myself. A few days ago, it was a Sunday evening, my sisters and I were in a car heading for dinner with the family. The family being in a different car. We've outgrown the ability to fit into just one car (with the grandma and all). So over the ramps of S2 we went, against the backdrop of a setting sun. The scenery we beheld, because of a slightly longer drive we took, was enchanting.

A full semi circle rainbow shone proudly in the east. We could see both ends of the rainbow. As the sun began to set, turning the sky into a strong orangy-yellow, the rainbow's colour became even more vivid. What leaps in our heart when we see a rainbow? Is it not the drawings of an eight year old or a scientific experiment of a young teenager? But to see it strong and vibrant before us... took our breath away. Winne reminded me to fix my eyes on the road instead of to the skies. I thought of what the rainbow meant - a promise of the God Almighty, who created everything that lived and hold us in the palm of His hands, to never destroy the earth with flood again. Which is a relief cos who can stand against that? But it's more than that... it's an assurance that God loves this world so much... and He announces His love across the skies. What's more amazing then that we saw a second lighter rainbow outlining the first. Only a few inches (our measurements) above the main rainbow as if to emphasize its existence. WOW!

The sun was setting behind the cloudy evening sky. The clouds that rained just hours earlier and threatened to rain again, turned angry yellow. Its puffiness in the sky, however, did not give it the fierce impression that it should have. It gave passionate affect to the sun as it said its goodbye for the day. Streams of light shot brilliantly through the clouds in the west. The horizon was bursting with colours: white, yellow, orange, red, and grey. Lynne exclaimed that she should have brought her camera and that she shall get her DSLR for ocassions like these. Of course, none of us had a camera ready for occassions such is these. And that indeed was such a waste. Although I don't think I would have had the guts to be been stopping traffic just to take pictures have I brought one. But the sky was magnificiently brilliant - from east to west - the master artist was just putting his finishing touches. You could see the colour actually getting bolder as time went by (until before it became dark completely).

Of course this was not the picture that I took. I mean what's with the footballers in the stadium? But it was roughly how it look like when it started. Now just imagine yellowish puffy clouds behind the rainbow. The sun was setting on the opposite side, as I said earlier.

Wait, wait, there's more. The description is not over. After all we thought was already majestic, we saw lightning. Can lightning be plural since we saw more than one? Lightning split across the sky and struck horizontally and across the rainbow. Yes, from left to right, and not heaven to earth. Indeed! Those skinny electrical spikes continued to display its power - horizontally! Winne decided that it must be the end of the world. Lynne wondered if it's some kind of special day for such a show. Victor simply gaped at the sight, as did I. Well not as much as I wanted since I was driving.

But yea.. it was an awesome sight! I really wish you were there to see it.

Writer's Block

2010-05-14T09:59:00.004+08:00

I think I'm having writer's block. I can't clearly think what to write for my blog. I had a couple of ideas but I either could not produce clear sane thoughts for it while sitting in front of the computer or it was deemed unsuitable (by myself) to be published.

Sure, things are happening in my life just too lazy to talk about, as I can't bring myself to emote it.

I feel really zoned out recently and can't get my head around things. It feels like I'm in a daze most of the time, fighting to focus on what's at hand. Even coffee isn't helping all that much. My heart finds it difficult to truly engage and my God feels slightly out of reach. I know He's there but I'm not reaching my hands out to grasp Him. My body feels weak and my head haunted by all kinds of voices. I feel imprisoned by the will of others around me, and I can't find my own. After years of following other wills, you begin to loose your own.

Heart don't fail me now, courage don't desert me...

I need to find my sense of being again... before it gets swept away by the current

Be strong and courageous

2010-05-06T23:00:00.002+08:00

Deuteronomy 31:5-8 (TNIV)

The LORD will deliver them to you, and you must do to them all that I have commanded you. Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.

Then Moses summoned Joshua and said to him in the presence of all Israel, "Be strong and courageous, for you must go with this people into the land that the LORD swore to their ancestors to give them as their inheritance. The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."

Joshua 1:3-9 (TNIV)

I will give you every place where you set your foot, as I promised Moses. Your territory will extend from the desert to Lebanon, and from the great river, the Euphrates—all the Hittite country—to the Mediterranean Sea in the west. No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you. Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their ancestors to give them.

"Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

Finished in 2 days

2010-05-03T22:14:00.003+08:00

[edited]: I started this blog thinking I finished the book in 1 day. But realized a day later, that I had not taken Sunday into account. Sigh~

A new record! I finished reading a book in TWO days. unlike many insane bookworms, I'm a rather slow reader and can't usually finish within a day. Still can't apparently. and comics don't count. So I feel unusually proud of this rather insignificant achievement that I had to blogged it. *beams* Well it doesn't seem so significant now.. since it was TWO days instead of one.

Alright Alright I'll admit. I start reading 2 pages Sat night (after midnight so it's considered today, right?). Half the book on Sun and half on Mon. And the book has only 213 pages with probably size 14 font and 1.5 spacing. On top of that it's a children's book. Nancy Drew and Hardy Boys to be exact.

But it was the contemporary version and I thought it'll be interesting to see how the authors are keeping up with times. And they're doing a good job with the modern language and terms. Very enjoyable! It alternates the story from Frank, Joe and Nancy's perspective.

Excerpt from the book:

(Joe's perspective)
But [Frank] was also worried that one of the girls would say something to blow our cover here. And he was worried that he wouldn't know what to say to them. And he was worried that the dig supervisor would get mad at us for leaving our quadrants. And he was probably also worried about something totally irrelevant, like global warming. Frank worries a lot.

Clouds

2010-04-29T00:32:00.007+08:00

I backed out of my house this morning and saw the sky. The sky was clear blue with fluffy cotton-like clouds peeping from behind my house. Driving to work a few minutes later, I caught sight of the sky again. It looked like rolls of wool, unrolled and spread out. It looked like rolling Greek beard. They also look like sand in the sky. It was so cute!

What are clouds made of? I put this on my msn and these are the answers I got:

michelle thong says:
clouds are made of sugar, and spice and everything nice! =D

shungz says:

clouds are made out of cotton and woolly stuff ....

the gov sends helicopters to put those things up in the sky every 2 weeks once

Arthur "Marco" Tan says:

fine crystalized (frozen) water

Arnold says:
clouds are made of water

Joeljv says:
cotton candy :D

But did you know clouds remind me of daydreaming. They are a lot alike. They can be seen but not touched, they come out of nowhere and float over your head and then fly away just as easily. And everyone has a personal version of what it means or look like. They pull a shade over your eyes to cool you from the heat. I think clouds are made of people's dreams.

Close your eyes... and let dreams envelope you...

I'm rambling again... I can't think properly...

Silence is golden

2010-04-26T14:43:00.004+08:00

Is silence golden or signs of danger? It really depends doesn't it? Does keeping quiet mean you have nothing to say or that there's no one to hear you? I teach classes and when I ask 'does anyone have any question', many a times nobody does. Does that mean they really have no questions or that they have nothing they are bold enough to ask?

Why do we hold back what we want to say? Why do we accidentally say what we don't want to say? And when do you say what you should and hold back what we shouldn't? Some people argue that they are direct and speaks their mind, but is that always alright? Some people defend that they don't want to cause trouble or are afraid and rather not say anything, but will that make it alright? I know extremes are never good.

Words are such powerful things. We have no idea just how damaging an innocent intent can be. We get so selfish and arrogant about our 'right' that we forget to have a heart for people. Is saying what we want really more important. In such cases, silence is golden.

But when do you find the courage to stand up and say something when it is necessary, instead of hiding till the storm passes. Most of us are too afraid to rock the boat or look like the bad guy that we hide and wait. Ignorance is bliss, we say. The storm will pass, we say. In such cases, silence is not golden.

What marks a good friend, leader, partner... is the wisdom to know when to speak, and when not to.

I'm just rambling.... thinking about a lot of stuff recently. Feels like I got so much to say and nothing at the same time. Much that should be said yet much that should not. And it's enough to drive a person insane.

Arts and Design

2010-04-22T11:43:00.004+08:00

I hear of all the art student needing to learn to draw in college and do all kinds of editing using computer software. All those drawing tablets and stuff... So when I needed my own logo (since i couldn't find a suitable one online) for the upcoming event, I resorted to drawing.

Though I usually get C for P.Seni in school... this aint bad. haha... I mean it's a start =) This took 2 hours of my morning.... And it will probably go unnoticed... but I wanted to give my best.

Easter Musical 2010: Bow the Knee

2010-04-19T11:54:00.002+08:00

While the town of Seremban was covered with buntings on the road and flyers in people's mailbox, the talk on many's tongue was Agape's Musical - and I'm not trying to boast. It was that time again when we put on a Musical for anyone and all to see. And we always give our best. This was where my interest in theatre began.

So for 3 nights, volunteers arrive as early as 2pm for mic test and all kinds and test; 4 pm for make up and dress up; 6pm dinner and prayer and more prep! By 7.30 the choir neatly hides themselve behind the screen, awaiting showtime at 8.15pm as guest starts to roll on. And as we've warn our friends, come early. Seriously. On Saturday night, we had an overflow and even had to turn people away at the age as there was absolutely no more space. My feet hurts from standing the entire time, all 3 days.

I'll leave the reviewing to our guest on their facebooks, albums, blogs. Here's a few pics for the file. My pics were mostly on volunteers and not much on stage.

I'm not in the mood nor have the resources to compile an extensive archive of the Musical. Many have already done so. But I thank God for the high level of voluntarism and willingness in Agape that made this possible. I mean nobody was paid for this and we charge nothing. In fact, we invested more than we got back. But that's how the Kingdom of God works, and I pray that each and everyone of us will realise that it's more than just a big show we can shout about. I pray that seeds have been planted and God will continue to work in their lives. Continue to use us - that we slack not. Not now...

I know real results for an event like this is rather hard to measure or seen. Sometimes we even wonder why we do what we do. But we gotta believe that it is not us but God who will work in their lives. It may be a return call, it may be a seed, it may be the first impression to a church, it can be even years before they finally give their life over. But God does work and will. His word will not go forth void.

More photos of the extensive preparation, volunteers, and effort to put the Musical together here. Seriously, take a look. If you have never been to one of our Musicals. One day, you have to make it a point. And bring a friend.

Dog-sitting

2010-04-15T13:02:00.003+08:00

Recently, my sister left her dog - Bella - home to be dog-sitted. The little pup is one of the cutest thing you've ever seen. She's also camera shy so there aren't many good pics of her. All blurry.

When I'm home, she follows me everywhere. She runs on her short furry legs at my ankles - bounding up the stairs or sliding across the room. She likes to bite my rubber mat and my loose parquet floor and attack my toes with her sharp teeth. She doesn't like to be left alone and would whine or scratch the door to be let in.... even while I'm bathing. As an act of revenge and rebellion, she pees in my room. Even though she normally knows how to pee on newspaper or the bathroom... ironically. Ugh, the 'presents' she leaves around the place. She sleeps incredibly a lot. Or rather she lies down incredibly a lot. If she can sit, she will. Drag herself forward with only her front legs too whenever she can.

My room still smells a little like Bella.

Anne'A Lisa

2010-04-14T09:07:00.004+08:00

Yesterday I walked into the office - my first day for the week. Turned on my computer. And saw to my horror that someone had tempered with it. It wasn't that someone had touched or used my computer - cos it's open to anyone anyway. It wasn't that someone might have looked into my files - they're all work related and noone will bother anyway. But that someone had changed my desktop wallpaper into a caricature drawing of what's suppose to be me. (though I have to admit, to be able to produce that on MS Paint alone was pretty good)

But I do not think it looks like me. Do you?

Uncle's Bday

2010-04-11T12:05:00.003+08:00

Yesterday my cousins arranged a birthday dinner for their father. So my family found ourselves there. (we seem to only meet over the dinner table. hm) It's so strange to see everyone so grown up. Weren't we just kids?

Anyway, it isn't everyday you get to have food like these. I'm just more fortunate than others.

2010-04-10T23:44:00.003+08:00

For more information, visit our website.

[Untitled]

2010-04-02T15:09:00.001+08:00

There's something my heart can't bear
A story of my life to share
To believe I do not dare
To know there's none that would compare

There's a story untold
If I'm ever so bold
Soon I can no longer hold
Leaving me ever so cold

Will the sun stop shinning?
Will the rain start pouring?
Will the song stop playing?
Will my heart keep beating?

To survive I must have known
That this seed I have sown
Will not eventually be disowned
Or must I do something to atone?

What is hope and what is reality?
Is there even a possibility?
Will I eventually have to see
That it was never meant to be

Come now, God, don't play with my heart
I will quietly play my part
Has waiting become my art?
Come now, friends, don't start.

Flowers by the roadside

2010-03-30T17:22:00.004+08:00

You know how you drive along the same road seeing the same sights every single day. And after a while, you tune out to not have to deal with the monotony. Perhaps like me, once in a while, you take a different route home. Just to change the scenery. But how many routes home are there?

Do we tend to take for granted when monotony sets in? Do you accept the drone or do you do something to change it? I can take monotony better than most people. I don't actually get bored if I had to eat the same food over and over again. Not really anyway. But at the same time, I can't stand monotony and drone. It's weird I know. I'm torn between two kinds of personality.

But perhaps it's the little things along the way that breaks the monotony or makes it worthwhile. Like a simple word of 'thanks', or 'you made a difference in my life', or spring colored flowers in the middle of a dreary road (which you had never noticed before), or a long-overdue dinner with those closest to your heart. God is so good. I think we all need it.

What's yours? I hope you have yours.

ayam percik on bread

2010-03-27T21:14:00.001+08:00

After the fishing trip [pics] with the college group, I arrived home at almost 11pm with ayam percik and chickpeas in hand. The chicken itself was cold and looking miserable. So for dinner I decided to make myself a little sandwich. You won't believe I have learned to like raw tomato slices in my sandwiches. It was enough to fill my stomach though.

I should have fried an egg too.

Fishing!

2010-03-27T21:12:00.001+08:00

It was so long ago that the memory feels like a dream. Perhaps a dream from a distant past or a wishful thinking. Nevertheless, my childhood diary records that it did indeed take place.

Standing knee deep in water as the waves continuously laps the shore, I remember watching the sun fall off the horizon. We were fishing with a family friend and I was a little worried that the fishes might get hurt. I couldn't imagine the cruelty that we were inflicting on the fishes.

"But you eat fish what," my dad reminded me. Hmm... indeed I do. But I did not have to witness it.

There was a small wooden jetty just on our right where a big pail was to put the fishes that we caught. Of course I was too small to throw a line so all I did was stand there. Beyond that, I could not remember a thing. There was something about a big turtle that I think my sister encountered. For the life of me, I have no idea what happened after that.

But I got a chance to fish for real this time. The college group rolled off to P.D. to try our hands on fishing. Some couldn't stand waiting so long (although only 10minutes had passed). Some were totally freaked out by the live worms (they say it could bite). Some took every opportunity to look cool holding a fishing rod. And of course, some actually caught a fish. Some fish.

the limitations of my craft

2010-03-26T21:06:00.001+08:00

I was making some craft to minister to some kids at a school. This is what I came up with. It's rather limited but it's interesting to me. The yellow card says 'Jesus' and the orange card says 'help'.

Just another addition to my 'Jack of (many) trades and master of none'. heh.

Boris

2010-03-17T22:52:00.003+08:00

Meet Boris - The doll that sits in ETC's Persona.
Isn't he just adorable?

How could you say he is not?

BCM Music Fest

2010-03-16T22:39:00.005+08:00

Last nite, BCM had it's 5oth Anniversary Music Festival, with a line up of excellent singers. Here are a few videos for those who missed it. Story here.

1. the one and only Juwita Suwito.

2. Forgot her name but she was very entertaining for those who understands cantonese.

3. But the best was at the end, when everyone came out and sang the chorus 'How Great Thou Art' together. There is no concert in the world that compares to hearing a gathering of Christ-followers giving praise where it is rightfully due. It's not just the singing. It's the worship that reminds you of the God you are singing to.

Enjoy!~

Another phail!

2010-03-11T16:41:00.004+08:00

Here's another one...

Was at the new Old Town Kopitiam near Terminal 2, and saw a rather interesting order.

But this is what really came instead... -_- It never is like the pictures, is it?

However, it tasted awesome and now I like half boiled eggs with toasted bread so much!

McDonald's blooper

2010-03-10T01:04:00.002+08:00

I realized this is defaming but since it did happen...

ETC and I decided to order McDs for lunch - I had a craving and besides its convenient when it gets delivered to your office. I ordered Double Cheese Burger while ETC ordered Spicy McDeluxe. The receipt got it right. I paid right. But look what came in instead: (in case you can't see that's Quarter Pounder and McChicken) ETC was disappointed and well intolerent to mayonaisse but I actually got a better deal)

Did I mentioned the box was also squashed and our fries were soggy. Hmm...

Should I have reported it or something? How do I do that?

Jesus the Carpenter

2010-03-02T16:26:00.003+08:00

Came across this... Be blessed!

Here's another... I cried! (wanna use this some how one day)

Aspirers Camp 2010

2010-03-01T17:06:00.004+08:00

Aspirers Camp 2010: Let It Shine

26-28th February 2010
Golden Straits Villa, P.D.
Ps. Gideon Lee

A trip down memory lane...
It feels like a million lightyears away yet fresh in my mind the first aspirers camp I ever coordinated. Of course, then, we called in aspirers retreat. Back then also, I almost killed myself executing the camp. I remember it was in Peace Haven, Genting. And I remember getting sunburns and a migraine. I had every detail of the camp on my fingertips and I drove myself to give more than all. The camps that followed wasn't all that different. I was young and I thought I was superwomen.

Passing it on...
For some years now, we've been appointing younger and younger committees to take up the responsibility and ownership of camp. We believe in training the younger generation and empowering them with positions. Of course, there were many moments of disappointments for me. Sometimes I wondered if it's because my standards were high but then again what challenge could there possibly be if the standards were not high? But as the older members start to disappear, raising the younger ones got more urgent.

The difference this time...
This time I was starting to feel my age catch up. I'm serious. And it's not funny. I need to find a way to keep my energy up cos youth ministry will always require that. And fore seeing more people leaving, I knew it was now or never. They had to rise up! I was more frustrated than ever. Oh God, I prayed, plant a sense of ownership in their heart and a burden for this ministry! There was no other way.

And I think that did it. I think they sensed it too. During the final stretched pre camp and during the camp, I saw the leaders and committee begin to pull their weight. Without much complain or whining. They were growing up. I knew it was time to let go and just trust them. And so I did. And as I was told, they would amaze me. Although I did breakdown into tears thinking too ahead of myself and fearing the inevitable, yes the inevitable, fearing I won't have the strength I need, fearing it won't work out cos of my failure to raise the younger generation.

And then God spoke...
Have you ever had moments in your life that you absolutely need (want) to hear something from God? It was that for me. I've felt that He's been too silent about a lot of things that I was beginning to loose my way. I needed to know. So when Ps. Gideon gave me the word from God and it totally hit home, I could not take it anymore. There was no way he could have known what I've been talking to God about. (I'm of course not about to tell you ;) what it's about) But I'm still trying to digest some of it and trying to hang on to His promises.

It gave me some assurance and peace about areas in my life. And it reminded me again how much God loves me though I cannot imagine why. And it was oh so important to me knowing that He saw me and knows me and was there when I thought He'd forgotten me. That was me. This isn't going to be just another mountain experience. I'll keep it close to my heart and I'll carry on for as long as He needs me to. I will be strong and brave and won't turn back.

What about you?

Psalm 94:18-19

2010-02-22T00:18:00.002+08:00

When I said, "My foot is slipping,"
your unfailing love, Lord, supported me.
When anxiety was great within me,
your consolation brought me joy. Psalm 94:18-19

Repeat that again. Yea and again and again.

God, even when I forget you and attempt to do life in my own strength, when I fall... it is YOU, O Lord, who is upholding me with your right hand. You won't let me fall apart. When my mind is clouded by anxiety and my heart crowded with worry... it is You who give me strength, ideas, wisdom, and everything else.... holding me together in one piece. I look to You and recognize that it is You, O Lord - my Salvation.

Happy CNY!

2010-02-17T17:57:00.003+08:00

It's that season again... where uncles and aunties ask me the important question in their mind... "when?" I guess it's a 'right' for an aunt and uncle. And I've learnt to say "soon" to stop them short of pursuing to ask why or give some kind of advise about what I should do about it. This year tho, one uncle tried a different comment, "you girls need to hurry up, it's getting expensive". Hmm...

I actually enjoy entertaining... I'd like to think I'm a decent hostess most of the time. You wouldn't guess that I'm actually an introvert. But this year I went overboard thinking I was some heroine... young one. With camp around the corner and plenty of family obligations on my hand, I was driven to exhaustion. I didn't get to really hang out with friends as I would have prefered. I barely even left my house. =( sigh. my brains were screaming that I stop.
Oh and I have to record our Tan family's first ever CNY get-together. We decided that our generation had to do something to keep the family together. And so we had our first our BBQ session at my place. Master Chef Kwok, Asst Chet Cat and Asst Chef Ming were hard at work making sure we were not short on food to fill our tummy. Although I almost fainted from exhaustion, I think this was a good start to something big. Some things are worth fighting for. Some things are worth exhausting yourself over, right?

Updates: (on 28th Feb - chap goh meh)
After returning for camp, we hear that our family has decided to take a trip up to Genting to watch the fireworks for Chap Goh Meh. Without mentioning the delay and the crowd and getting lost... we did manage to catch a glimpse of the fireworks... And I tested my camera power on it.

Happy Chinese New Year people and have a roaring year ahead!

Drying up like a prune

2010-02-12T14:34:00.002+08:00

I was coerced into seeing a dermatologist about my acne condition. i didn't think it was that crucial but at the same time. I might want nice skin too.Age does that to you. This is a bottle of my pills for one month. Apparently I need to be on it for 6 months or so.

Doctor: You'll experience dryness and bleeding on your lips.
Me: *ouch* ok
Doctor: just use lip moisturizer will do. I'll put one in the pack for you.
Me: ok i can deal with that.
Doctor: are you getting married anytime soon?
Me: What?
Doctor: are u engaged or anything like that?
Me: Erm no...
Doctor: Alright. Remember that you should not get pregnant during the course of this medication. It will deform your baby.
Me: Just during the course of medication right? after that no prob right?
Doctor: RIght. But remember DON'T get pregnant.
Me: Trust me, I won't
Doctor: (after explaining other stuff) remember don't give anyone that might get pregnant and be very careful that you don't get pregnant!
Me: I really won't.
My mom: She doesn't even have a boyfriend lah!
Me: -_-"

So here I am, dry and skin itching. Slight bleeding and stuff. Sigh. It's quite irritating.

my new toy and american idol

2010-02-08T17:56:00.003+08:00

After much contemplation, I decided to get a new camera. But as usual, I took too long to contemplate. Fortunately for me, I have friends who put me on the right path and doesn't understand hesitation and delay. So I was on my way up to KL... to get my camera. Thanks friends. =)

It's a new toy! Should I name it? I got to test out the camera later at Midvalley when we bumped into the live appearance of Kris Allen, American Idol. It was too far and too many people to get a good look.
Nevertheless, I think his photoshoped poster looks better. =)

The crowd was insane. The girls were screaming and the DJs were encouraging them. But I guess all that is needed. However, we did not bother to hang around that long to observe a loooooooooooong line of people going up to get an authograph and try to grab his hands a little longer. hahaha..

Small Smiles

2010-02-03T17:06:00.002+08:00

It was one of those ~~nights~~... days when you feel like you've hit a wall in your life. A whole lump was welling up in my ~~throat~~ heart and I wanted to ~~burst into tears~~ break down or something. I couldn't tell exactly what it was that was pushing me to the edge or causing an emotional upheaval. But then again it isn't new for me. But it was one of those days...

And I had just about to throw something and hope it breaks. Or maybe find an empty hall to yell. Or something. And there was noone to reach out too...

And then driving back, I saw a huge yellow moon bursting out from the sky. It was really really huge. I like moons to begin with. A huge 3/4 moon starring out of the sky was abnormal and absolutely wonderful. You might think I'm crazy but it made my day. I stopped my car a couple of times in the middle of the street, hope no car bangs me, stretched out my arm to take pictures.

This is a bad picture. But can you see the yellow spot that does not look like a street lamp?

But it's funny that at a time like this. It was like a little bone God is throwing at me to keep me happy. It's the small things. That actually did it for me. God you're so cute!

We gotta keep singing after all...

I gotta know how the story ends

2010-01-27T16:13:00.004+08:00

A lot of times in life, in my life at least, I see my situation and I want to give up. What's the point of trying so hard when life deals you a bad card. It's unfair. I've been "good" all my life. And sometimes when I look around and I feel like it really doesn't seem to get anywhere. Where's my happy ending? Where's my victory? When can I finally show the very people who have sassed me and my dreams and my life? How long do I have to wait?

There's a show I saw, called 'My Sassy Girl' - a remake of a Korean show. At one part the heroine was held hostage at a closed theme park by a man who had lost his love and had given up on life. She exclaimed that one should never give up even though his love is love cos you need to see how the story ends. It is not over.

As unprofound as the line is, it struck me. Sometimes I wish I can travel 10years into the future to take a peek at my life. I wanna know how it turns out. I wanna stand at the end and look back at the story of my life and understand the plot that has unfolded. Don't you? Every story needs to have an end. We all want our happy endings. We need to know that there is hope that it will end well. We need to continue wanting that.

So we don't give up. We get back on our feet. And we allow the Author to finish the story. We follow His leading and stick with the storyline. Good guys always finish well in the story. So I continue... and pray that my story is gonna have the best kinda of plot for me.

Volunteerism

2010-01-17T23:57:00.002+08:00

On the 3rd Sunday of every year, we dedicate all our volunteers to the Lord - praying for them and encouraging them further in their faithful service unto the Lord. This year was no different.

Agape has always had a high volume of volunteers - this time we counted more than half of the congregation. It is encouraging to know that the bulk of the service and ministry does not fall on only a handful of people, although it feels so sometimes. And it is awesome to see youths in ministry at an early age, and senior citizens still faithfully in ministry after all these years.

That night we threw a dinner to appreciate everyone of the volunteers. It was good to see so many people show up and to remind ourselves that we are a team. We are working for one purpose. We are not alone.

So if you're not already serving somewhere in church, I encourage you to find your fit. It helps you feel belong and part of the church. It also exercises the gifts and calling that God has placed in your heart. We're not meant to be islands. God places a destiny and purpose in each of our hearts - there's always something we can do. And it doesn't have to be an existing department. I always say that ministry and serving GOd is more than having a position or task in a certain department in the church organization. Remember, when Jesus walked the earth, He was all about the people - even if it wasn't the norm methods.

Exotic Cars Parade

2010-01-15T23:34:00.000+08:00

I had the priviledge to visit Naza World with all its exotic cars lined up for show in its showroom. Generally I would be bored to death, not knowing any value or details of the cars I was seeing. It was to me.. jus a fancy vehicle. But I've heard enough ooohs and aaahs from guys about this car and that that it seem fitting that I should know my cars. I went around the for over an hour to ponder over the luxurious car and ridiculous amount it costs.

Porshe, Wolksvagen, Bentley, Mini Cooper, Peugeot, Limousine, Lexus, and many others. I tried hard to learn up the names and design but as I type this now (another post blog) I realised that I can barely remember nor match the pictures I had taken. Thus, I cannot really label them less I'm sorely mistaken and am pelted by car lovers who are simply apalled at my ignorance. It's harder than I thought. But I will not give up! I do feel priviledge to have admired, touched, and take a picture.

So the above compilation of pictures is dedicated to you car lovers out there!

Bruises again

2010-01-13T23:18:00.000+08:00

This rather intrigues me - my 'thin' skin or rather frequent bruises and unidentified marks. Here's another - on both arms. One caused by a big needle.

Note: since this is a post blog, it has since healed completely.

Let Your Light Shine

2010-01-10T22:22:00.000+08:00

In recent news, we hear of the arson attempts on churches in the country. News reached international sphere very quickly and all the world is abuzz. More so on home grounds - some were appalled and some were furious. Naturally. It was not our proudest moment. But it may not be the worst of things either.

While people are gripped with concern, fury and fear, churches joint hearts and hands in prayer that God would protect his Church and turn the situation around. We declared that our war was not with flesh and blood but with principalities and power. We fight not with fire but with love and keep our eyes on what's more important. We have an even bigger God and nothing is gonna undermine or change that. I know God is in control and this has not escaped Him. Hold on and watch the God's hands moving this situation around for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purposes.

In Aspirers we declared that we will let our light shine. As we kicked off a new year for the youth group and a new theme that will inspire the rest of the year, we sang our commitments and purpose. We may be young, but we are not helpless. I believe that young people - these young people - can live their lives radically and differently to influence the world. We have a light to shine! And no one lights a candle and hides it under the bed. The candle has been lit. It's time to shine.

Regardless of what we feel today or tomorrow, we can rest assured that God holds our future secure. Will we depend on what does or does not happen to determine what we will or will not do? See... foundations are already being rocked and changes that challenge us to move out of our norm. Let us hold fast to what we belief and know is true. And let us stand firm and shine that light for the world to see.

TengKwok's Wedding

2010-01-05T23:28:00.001+08:00

It was my eldest cousin of my father's side's wedding. That's a first in this side of the family. Grandma was so pleased I could tell. But it alway's takes one person to start the ball rolling. We waited at the groom's house for their arrival for the tea ceremony. After what seemed ages (and catching up with the family and almost forgotten relations), the couple arrived. I witness some of certain chinese's tradition I've never seen or heard of before which deeply intrigued me. Like getting a kid to jump on your marriage bed for fertility. The kid had a ball though.

My cousin had this dream wedding plan, which initially sounded rather confusing to me. Part of me even wonder if it's worth such an effort for such a dream wedding but it was rather beautiful. And people do like being a part of something different, something special. I still rather have my traditional walking down the aisle in a church, cos I'm not so daring to hope the sky doesn't pour.

His wedding was an outdoor event in a resort in PD. As you can see in the pictures below, it wasn't exactly your average wedding. Us cousins were charged with the responsibility of registration and what not which we diligently carried out, I think.

I carried home with me some ideas and awesome time spent with cousins - whom some of us only meet during special ocassions. Relationships are always more important.

Here's my best wishes to you and your new bride!

First injuries of 2010

2010-01-04T21:37:00.003+08:00

The year had only begun but I had already found my clumsiness and skin deficiencies in full gear. I don't mean to gross you out, but looking at it.... can I sigh? These are the 2 ugliest ones.

Why am I showing you this?

Reflections of a New Year

2009-12-31T13:08:00.000+08:00

Looking back at 2009, one begins to think of all that has happened - the good, the bad and the ugly. One also recollects the good times which made one whole and the bad ones which puts iron to one's soul. One realizes that there can be no good times without the bad, nor can there be joy without sorrow. It is in those dark moments in which one will learn the most and grow the most. So one must always sit to remember those lessons to keep them close and to walk another step further in life, knowing it was a lesson well learned.

So what has happened this year?
It was a year I was most afraid of. From the time the clock hit twelve at midnite signaling the turn of a new year and happy voices shouting 'Happy New Year', I felt fear hit my soul. God sent a friend to hold me that very moment to let me know there's a place I can always hang on and that it will be alright. But the fear that grip my soul only grew in the months to come. Perhaps it was thinking about it that made it worst. I walked through a valley of dry bone. I remembered the dark lonely tunnel I had once seen. My spirit felt far away, refusing to look the right way. I found it hard to accept or to allow God to comfort me. Some pains are so dear you don't want God to tell you it'll be okay. I've not fully recovered from it. I'm quite stubborn with a hint of self pity. And I found it hard to lead when I myself was in that position. I saw with much pain at the youths going through sucky times and wish I was a better leader - better friend, better sister, better role model. And it seems I just can't seem to be good enough all the time. On top of that, with all the weddings and pregnancy around me, I felt even more sorry for myself. I realise now that I have no reason to apologize for being single.

What then have I learned?

I learn to read my Bible everyday - the consequences of not reading is RM10 each time, a pact with a friend. And I have skipped 4-5 times in half a year. A hefty price.
I learn to give more - it is more blessed to give than to receive. God is my provider and I am His channel of blessing. I no longer knew what I was saving for so I learned to trust God with my future and bless those around me here and now.
I learn that God is Sovereign in my everyday and holds everything securely in His palm - nothing surprises Him and nothing is out of His control or provision. My future is safe with Him and even though it may not be exactly what I plan or hope for, His ways are always better. and His purposes and good for those who love Him. I feel safe.
I learn that my life and my will is not my own - I gave it away a long time ago. It is His to do as He pleases. No more complaining. My 'rights' may not be won, my 'wants' may not be heard, people will always irritated and fail in my expectations, tomorrow may not be smooth sailing. My life is His. And I will try a little harder and love a little more, push a little further and stay a little longer - because this is not my own. I'm working for a greater Kingdom, bigger purposes.
I learn to be a little more independent and a little more friendly - I need to after all. There are ways to survive despite my insecurities and lack of boldness and horrible sense of direction. And there will always be people who need a friendly smile or handshake - they need it more than I need my comfort. I learn to be gracious to people as everyone has their stories and everyone has their problems. As much as we make excuses for ourselves for our weaknesses and slack, others are too. So show a little grace as the Lord has shown us much.
I learn to appreciate the bad times, the God-feels-far-away times, the dry periods, the painful ones - they put iron into my soul and mold me for something greater than myself. It is not that I am cursed or that God has forgotten me but that He love me enough to allow these things to grow me. I know He is never too far away. And I tell others the same as well.

So what do I resolute for 2010?
I look forward to a better year. I for see a change and a challenge - it's exciting and scary at the same time. The season is changing and the flowers are starting to bloom. I need to be a better person most of all - to be able to do it all (for some insane reason). So..

I want to pray more. Pray more for people as there are a lot of problems in the world and a lot of people that needs God to intervene into their life and situation. So I need to read the Bible and pray better and seriously. I want to hear God more and follow Him more closely.
I want to exercise more. I'm getting older and the body is not what it used to be anymore.
I want to read more. There's just too many books in the world to read that if I were to read a book day, I would not finish it all. I like reading. (not textbooks) Why should it be taken from me just because i'm busy. Remember the principle of fill and drain. Plan those holidays too. (wayne cordeiro)
I want to shop more and enjoy life a little more. What's the point of hoarding? What's the point of waiting? There's much to see and learn in the world around me.
I want to bridge with parents of youths, the pre-teens and my own peers more. I cannot always only be so focus to care only for one age group. I need to expand my social skills and social life too.
I want to visit my grandma more. She is getting very old and probably rather lonely.
I want to be a more effective leader to my youth leaders. They need my support and encouragement to rise up. I cannot treat them the way I've been treated. Pampering them does not equal supporting them. And I cannot be afraid to correct them for their good.
I want to move on to the next phase of life. But this only God can help me. I will learn to trust His timing and leading. Even if He chooses to continue to keep silent.

I had imagined all my life that I would probably marry at the late age of 28. And the closer you get to a marker like that the more you tend to panic. But I refuse to be desperate or panic. So I need to overcome this year with grace and love for every new day.

Bring it on, 2010! I'm ready for you!

I read my resolutions last year and realise it's still in my bones. I am getting there and will continue to persevere in the same direction. I still want the same things and have seen some improvement in my life. And I am happy =)

video

2009-12-31T11:04:00.000+08:00

Just posted a video in the APYAC09 entry of a video i caught during the event. It's the African worship. Check it out! It's pretty cool.

My first 3D movie

2009-12-29T23:50:00.003+08:00

I was all excited to watch Avatar 3D - my first 3D movie outside of an entertainment park. Yea well I've even seen 4D in Disneyland. But this was different. It's an actual movie in perspective. And it was dad's birthday.

But 90+% through the movie, it hanged! 3 times! What a cliffhanger, what a spoiler! Fortunately for me I've already seen it a few days before that on normal screen. But imagined that! How can that happen? I was amazed that everyone was so civilized. No one complained more than necessary and no one made a scene or cursed. But we were all refunded for the problem, which was expected. So my family got to watch the 3D movie (almost all of it) for free. What a delight after all!

The latest family game

2009-12-27T23:32:00.001+08:00

A family that plays Cluedo together, have loads of fun together! There, my new slogan for the family.

The host is missing and we gotta find out who did it and where and how!

It was Lynne that had convinced me to buy it. And I had to find out what I spent money on. So we played it. And I loved it. It's like that game where you had to guess what's the secret code and at every guess you make, you will find out how many wrongs or rights you got but not which one. It's frustrating yet fun at the same time. I grew up reading detective stories like Sherlock Holmes. But yea we love it. This is what we did through Christmas and the adjacent weekend.

Come to my house one day and I'll show you why.

What will U give Jesus this Christmas

2009-12-25T00:38:00.001+08:00

Pastor Sally's sermon on the 20th was a pre-Christmas message that prepared us to think about the coming Christmas and all that it is meant to be. And I wonder how many of us made good of our promises. The sermon was entitled 'What will You Give Jesus this Christmas'.

So... what WILL we give the birthday King? Christmas is actually Jesus' birthday (not his exact birthday but like our King, we have a day to commemorate it). And don't the birthday boy get the present? Yet we get so occupied giving presents and getting present that we forget to set a worthy one aside for the One whose birthday we are celebrating. Do we want to be just like the rest of the world in that, or should we as Christian shine the right kind of meaning and light.

Let us celebrate Jesus this Christmas. Let us give God something this Christmas. What will U give Jesus this Christmas? What does Jesus want from us? He wants our hearts, our thoughts, our will, our days, our hurts... He wants us wholly and completely. What will we turn over to Jesus this Christmas?

I hold my gift - as ugly as it seems to me - to give it to You. Saying my will is not my own but anything You want it to be. It seems so hard to let go but I have decided that I will trust You with it.

Aspirers Christmas Party

2009-12-22T16:06:00.000+08:00

It's that annual christmas bash for Aspirers. We started with an informal gathering for Christmas at Pastor's place in 2006. Wow that is quite a while back. It's amazing how the smallest step of faith can turn into something so big. Then, we probably had around 50people cramped into pastor's house. This year almost 130 people turned up.

Read more on AspirersBlog here.

Personally I felt so tired. I was excited with so many people! It was an awesome event in that sense. But it was the last stretch of events for me and I couldn't wait to massage my sore feet and rest my tired eyes. At the same time I can't wait for next year's. I just got a good feeling about it =)

Aspirers Leaders Retreat 2009

2009-12-21T22:08:00.001+08:00

18-19 December 2009. Corus Paradise PD

We piled up all of this year's and next year's leaders into vans and headed to PD for our leaders retreat. It was that one time in the year that we get away for short retreat, to pray together, worship, cast vision, play, eat, pose for pictures, do some leadership training. To me it's a refreshing time to look forward to (if I can get my sessions ready).

Upon arrival, we had to live what Jesus taught about being great - by being a servant of all. We scrubbed toilets, dust sofa cushion, mop the floor, etc. I found myself scrubbing yellow grime off a toilet bowl (trying hard to stop myself from imagining what it was). Great lessons we were learning from the Lord.

But for me at least, it was a great time where we emo-ed, prayed genuinely and earnestly, lay it all before God, brought up issues that are real and personal, shared, encouraged each other in the Lord, prophesied.... There weren't much pics of those sessions as usual. We can never catch those for some reason. But that too is a good sign, rite?

Aspirers, get ready for an AWESOME year next year!

Here's looking at you 2010 for Aspirers.

whose leaf will not wither

2009-12-20T15:50:00.001+08:00

They are like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither, whatever they do prospers - Psalms 1:3

You will never let me fall apart
You hold my world in the palm of your hands
You uphold me with your righteous right hand
Your banner over me is love
You will never forsake me

Edukiosk

2009-12-14T23:06:00.001+08:00

This marks the first of its very kind. It was an old dream - one I've rehearsed in my mind for years just waiting for the right time or opportunity. I expected people to just catch that same zeal and excitement. But of course that was my disillusionment. Though people tell me it's a good idea and a good job I couldn't help feeling disappointed.

The Edukiosk was a one stop information centre - where high school graduates could get information about higher education. There were many options and alternatives about what to study, financing options, where to study that most students never had an opportunity to know. Many of us wish we knew what we knew now so that we'd have made better choices. The problem is never that we couldn't but we never knew. This town has so many people who never had the chance to know and I think they deserve to know. Maybe dreams are God given - His way of helping people by empowering us to do something about it. My previous jobs have always been in the education industry.

And this is something new. I don't have pictures...

Note to self: Remember that dream takes time. Even if you've gone up the mountain and seen the other side, it doesn't mean that others can see or that it would immediately be so. It always takes time. Everything takes time.

APYAC09

2009-12-14T22:18:00.002+08:00

I know I was rather exhausted and did not want to go to yet another conference, much less herding sheeps left and right along the way. I already imagined the whole shuttling business and I felt stressed. I feel like sighing. (but I'm suppose to stop sighing)

Asia Pacific Youth Alive Conference (10-12 Dec) @ GTPJ
"Speak to the Nations"

But standing amidst so many people and worshiping one God is a most exhilarating experience. The songs that were sang were so simple and heartfelt. I felt so refreshed simply declaring all over again my commitment and love for my God. Despite myself, I was refreshed and renewed in His awesome presence. Times like these are so rare and few in between. It's not right. We should experience Him on a more regular basis, to know that He walks with us and talks with us. A reality most of us miss. I miss in my busy-ness.

But what is it about big conferences / rallies like this that I like after so many years? What is it about this particular one that intrigued me? Well, it is absolutely amazing to hear the voices of so many young people just worshiping ONE God, with hands lifted high and tears rolling down their faces. We may be from different churches, different races, different background but we stand together, under one roof, united under one God. Boundaries just fall down and you understand what God had intended when He built the church - this community living that most of us no longer want. And here where 29 nations gathered together, it becomes more real. I loved to hear what God is doing in all these countries. God has not given up on us! His spirit is being poured out on nations on this side of the world. To see young people from different nations rise up and saying we want Jesus in our country brings a sense of hope and Sovereignty of Christ rule! There are those suffering for the sake of the gospel, but standing before us saying they will press on till every knee bow at the name! Come on, youths in Malaysia! Don't give up yet.

Two themes ran throughout the conference: 1) stay in the country of your birth. don't run away. we have a destiny here. 2) God wants to speak to us and He is, but are we listening? (at least to me that was it).

The group that went for APYAC
Thanks to the older ones who really helped look out for the rest.
Thank you for also being so obedient and responsible most of the time.

1Malaysia Wedding

2009-12-09T09:49:00.001+08:00

You know our Malaysian theme '1Malaysia'? Well, its not such a strange or new thing. It's something we've come to understand growing up in this country. In our lifestyle, our food we are 1. Or is it a facade?

Last week my cousin had a multicultural wedding of which I was very much intrigued. Weddings are a time to break barriers and put aside differences to celebrate with the happy couple. It is a time when people are reunited and love can be found. And in a multicultural setting, it is fitting for us to put aside prejudices and differences and find that we can truly live together.

This picture does not do the statement justice though.
It does not bring about the full impact of the 1Malaysia as it was truly.

So many things so little time

2009-12-08T00:16:00.002+08:00

I had so many things I wanted to say, but I can't remember. Is it age or is it not that important anymore. Is it time or is it an excuse? What am I trying to accomplish with the little time that was bestowed on me? Do I really believe that I can do it all? Or do I want more than what has been given to me?

Do you voice out when something is wrong, or do you mutter under your breathe about what's wrong. Do we write for ourselves or make a difference? Do we share our stories or our lives?

Why am I asking these questions? Why so many questions?

This is weird.

Happy Birthday

2009-12-02T15:31:00.003+08:00

Happy Birthday to a dearest friend,

You've existed so long in my life I don't know what it means to not know you

And only God knows the strive we've been through to keep it true

And only He holds the seasons that will see us through

Besides you hold too many of my secrets

Busy

2009-11-26T23:49:00.001+08:00

Someone once said that BUSY means 'Being Under Satan's Yoke'.

But there are days my head spins and I truly believe I'll never be able to finish all I have to do. Datelines are closing in and time is running out. Is 24 hours a day really enough? It should be yet it's not. I won't even go into the details of what I need to do.

On the verge of breakdown, I take short deep breaths. Look to heaven for help, for sanity, for peace. Look within for a reason and rhyme. Look beyond for the single sight of beauty that just stops time. (sounding too poetic for some of you?)

A lot of time, I think we brought busy-ness upon ourselves. We add on to our own workload, trying to balance what we have to do and what we want to do. Balance. That's the word. Can you really find that equilibrium? Is it possible?

And then you look around once again. Oops there's again so much to do. There are the parties and the funerals you should attend, the people you should take out for lunch or supper. Relationships are after all more important than anything else. But then your work, your planning, your assignments continue to pile. Then what...

But to me, people are still more important....

Accident

2009-11-18T16:33:00.002+08:00

While driving back from PJ yesterday I saw a growing pile of smoke a hundred meters ahead. A truck had over turned in the opposite lane not too long ago. Cars were slowing down or stopping on the emergency lane, people were running across to help or on their handphones (assumable calling for help) and I took pictures. Figuring there's nothing I can do anyway, I left. Hope the people are alright and am saying a prayer for them right now.

Today it rained cats and dogs while we were driving back. And the side of the road was flooding big time. It's been a while since i saw flood like this.

Further up I saw another accident but did not manage to take a picture. Was not fast enough.

The weather hasn't been good and road has been dangerous. To all Drivers, be careful on the road.

Semenyih Outreach

2009-11-15T16:39:00.001+08:00

Macam ada gaya saje!~

Last Sunday, the Campus Connexion group of Aspirers went to our Semenyih outreach to minister. It was a first for this group to minister in that way. I thought it would be a very good experience to do this together. On top of that, it was important to learn to be an instrument of blessing to others. May this be a first of many.

Gratitude - Nicole Nordeman

2009-11-02T18:17:00.000+08:00

This song was presented on Sunday (in church) I the lyrics caught my attention. Whoever wrote this song understood the Sovereignty of our Lord God beyond our small view of life.

Or maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways

Many times we get angry at God for not answering our prayers, providing for our needs, allowing pain to wreck our sanity, fitting our understanding of who He is. And many have become disillusioned and walked away.

There are many things in my life that is unfulfilled or seem to be pulled further from me. I try to find a way to stay sane and remember that God is too good to be unkind, to wise to be mistaken. And I wonder if I will be able to accept if God never answers, never gives? The lyrics pierces right through. And even though I still have no answer, it helps to know there are many who struggle the same. Do I just accept? Should I continue asking? What if some roads are just too hard? What if I fall?

Oh, the differences that often are between
Everything we want and what we really need

We think we know better. But we find it hard to grasp that God knows better. It's hard to just trust when we don't see the answer or the salvation. It's hard to just believe.

Bible says to trust and obey. That it's the only way. And history and testimony has proven that over and over again.... and what other choice do I really have?

What will you do?

Chronicles of HK: Food

2009-10-28T15:41:00.004+08:00

was told there's a lot of things to eat in Hong Kong that I simply must try. I was also told there is nothing much to eat in Hong Kong. I guess it lies on the eyes of the beholder... I managed to try a lot of kinds of food. Not all. Just a lot. And I think it's not too bad. Too expensive but not all that bad. Dim sum was really nice. Wan tan mee cannot beat Malaysia's. Coffee not really common there. But food portions are generous. That's my take. =)

Chronicles of HK: Disneyland

2009-10-28T10:55:00.003+08:00

Yes Disneyland deserves a whole blogpost for itself.

It's been my childhood dream to go to Disneyland. I'm a big fan. Watched almost all of its cartoons / movies. I'm one of those kids that got caught up in the Disney magic and believed in happily ever afters. As silly as that sound, I'm no different then million of kids (and adults) that throng the streets of Disneyland. Even if it's bilingual. Mickey Mouse was speaking in Cantonese. How weird is that?

But the shows and performances were truly spectacular and magical. I kept thinking about how they did that - trying to figure out the science behind it - which spoils everything. I should be like a kid pretending it's magic. "When you wish upon a star, makes no difference who you are, anything your heart desires will come to you"

I loved it. I could go again. Ran out of camera battery.

Next: Food

Chronicles of HK: Life as I see it

2009-10-28T00:32:00.013+08:00

The buildings in HK are towering above us. Reaches to the sky. It brings new meaning to concrete jungle. Some areas you can see only glimpses of the because the towers faded in the clouds. (i'm exaggerating)

With such limited space and a blooming economy there really isn't many places to build but up. My hosts live on the 40th floor and there's still up to go.

There are many flats and apartments (have not seen a landed property yet) in the area that is too small to live in yet fits your grandparents, your parents, single siblings, you and your new wife. I was told some people rotate sleeping hours and work on different time shift just to fit into that kind of lifestyle. Space is a luxury. The ones you see in the movies are larger than normal.

The picture is your regular flats. Yes flats.

On weekends and holidays (which I was caught in), people come out to roam. They don't mind the late nights to avoid going home. The streets are crowded everywhere you turn. Everywhere. For those with crowd phobias, you might need to move in and out very fast! Faster than their average fast. Everyone seems to be in a hurry.

With all the walking people do here. You rarely see any overweight people. Everyone is slim and fit. That solves the general cholesterol problem in the country. (I wouldn't say the same about the anxiety and depression rate though)

Everyone wears flats (with rounded tip), sports shoes or boots. I could count the number of heels I saw in these last few days with my hands. Remember, by now I've probably seen thousands of people. (the pic are hazel's collection of shoes)

Speaking of health... with the not-too-long ago SARS scare and death in hongkong, every sector has taken extreme precautions to sanitize and practice good hygiene. The picture on the left was taken from INSIDE an elevator. And these kind of sign can be found everywhere. You are EXPECTED to practise good hygiene. Smoking is strictly prohibited and punishable.

Hongkong is turning green. With all its civilty, they are encouraging recycling and other forms of enviromental friendly practices. Including not giving you plastic bags. You are encouraged to bring a bag or put everything in one bag. (as seen in the pic) Children and the common people are being educated about the environment and earth.

Ironically the country consumes more energy than (probably) the entire Malaysia. It's a city of lights that shine ever so bright as a beacon and shout-out to the world for attention.

Though we've heard many times that people here can be rude (which is true for the common folk), they do try to be courteous and instill civility. Banking on Confucius' ethical codes for communal living, it is common to see/hear instructions like the picture on the left. Mind the doors please. Hold the handrail. Mind your step. Mind everything! And people do follow. Stand on the right side of the escalator. Let people out of the train first. Line up to take the lift or public toilet.

The picture on the left is the only clubbing scene in HK and its filled with ang mohs. Apparently it's not popular to club or pub here. People practice healthier living and hobbies. Hiking, exercise, movies and shopping. With the stress level HK faces and no personal space, it only make sense to have a better kind of lifestyle to survive here (and not go insane).

Despite their insanely busy lifestyle, general retail shops don't really open till about noon. We were walking about before noon and many shops were not open yet. And we thought Seremban was a sleepy town. Perhaps it's due to the late nights.

However, around every street corner, advertising is on the rise. People are brand conscious, style conscious and every other kind of conscious. Signboards outdo each other in size, caption, style. They are in your face and not afraid to offend. You think salesperson that dog you in the shop is irritating? This will be infuritating. But when you think about it, shopping IS their commerce.

Food and things are generally very expensive here, even after conversion. You need to close one eyes and just accept the regularly accepted pricing. But though food is expensive, the portion is huge. Check on the picture. The unagi is huge while the rice portion is smaller. And the size portion everywhere is that. I guess you WOULD need to eat more with all the walking you're doing.

We also figured the town planner / developer here is a little OCD. Everything is lined up neatly or in boxes. Trees in the middle are also in boxes. Buildings are all square. It's just the little impression we got. It is neat and nice and good and all though.

Oh the bamboo sticks we see in kungfu shows... they really use them here. This thing goes all the way up and is surprisingly very sturdy. I was too afraid to climb it but it didnt budge at all. We see this on every building under construction. No metal bars anywhere. Cool eh?

There's bacon in this burger. Need I say more?

------
We caught the night show on the island. The Symphony of Lights. The entire city shots out lazer and beams and lights that dance to the music. The show is on everyday at 8pm. Don't miss this. You won't see this anywhere else. I wonder how they coordinated so many buildings across the plane? (and use up so much power)

Next: Disneyland

Chronicles of HK: Noah's Ark and Victoria's Peak

2009-10-26T00:30:00.007+08:00

We had to change our schedule a little due to limited space allowed into Noah's Ark. (as we discovered online) So we headed to Noah's Ark on the second day (jus the two of us according to Hazel's written and detailed instructions). And I could not have imagined what I was about to behold. It was not just one boat. It was a whole area.

Inside the ark was not made of wood or was there any animals (as I had hoped). It was a state of the art educational system - to tell people about the flood and what the ark symbolizes. The few people that came together to build the ark was Christian and wanted to share the message of hope that God can give. (verses and Bibles are available at the souvenir shop) There were 4D experiences, digital imagery and things you can't possibly imagine. I can't describe. Photos were not allowed so I can offer no visual aid to this blog. History of the flood, history of the search for the ark, what does it mean to us today, how was the ark build (scientifically explained), different people groups story of the great flood, the line of Noah's children, etc. (like wow)

Pics of outside

After a long day of walking, we hurried back for church service at the Vine, an international multi cultural church. They were in the midst of raising fund for their new building and buzzing with activities.
That night we headed for the Peak - Victoria's Peak. All the way to the top and overlooking Hongkong - the real city of lights. The view was spectacular. We could stand there for hours if not for the crowd. On the other hand, Hong Kong is consuming too much energy! The amount of energy used to generate this kind of electricity to light up an entire city can drain another country! But the sight is still spectacular. Below is one of many pictures taken. Mich took some really good ones on the DSLR she lugged around.

Next: Life as i see it

Chronicles of HK: Shopping and travelling

2009-10-25T00:42:00.008+08:00

We landed safely at HK airport and made our way as per Hazel's written instructions to get to her apartment. Apparently everything is accessible by public transportation, even by such kampung girls as us. And somehow... we did. (after being scolded once by a security lady after being discovered that we lined up on the wrong taxi lane. who knew all the taxi colours meant different things) But we managed to arrive. Safely. Have no fear friends and family!

We arrived at almost midnight at Paul & Hazel's cozy little apartment, while many hongkies still roam the streets below as though it was only 9pm. Crazy people. Real night owls..

Note: Read the rest of this blog in hongkie english slang. with one syllable higher than the next syllable. We spent our first day in HK shopping, as you can probably guess. They weren't kidding when they say this is a shopping paradise. Hazel brought us first to Mongkok, a place with cheap and decent things to buy. We grabbed the opportunity and I found myself allowing myself not to worry about what I normally worry about. You could say I let go. In a couple of hours we had already spent a few hundred HK$ and had to retrace our steps and count our cost. After all there were people to buy for, and a few more days left in this busy city. But all in all, I gotta say it wasn't too bad. Reignite my drive to shop. But I think I'll visit places like Sg Wang and Terminal One in the future. =P

I was told travelling is extremely convenient here. Everyone depends on the public transportation with their life. Rarely anyone owns a car to call their own. It simply makes sense to use the public transportation. So much so that everyone wears flat because they walk so very much in this country. Even at midnight. I was brought to experience the crazy cabbie, oh-so efficient MTR (train), double deckered bus, old fashioned tram... etc.

p/s: last pic done with ppt on paul's laptop w/o any photo album s/w

Next: Noah's ark

Chronicles of HK: Preparations

2009-10-22T22:08:00.008+08:00

It's one day to my trip. I had decided last year that I should take one trip each year, out of the country (as on my own as possible) to get away from everything. I almost didn't have one this year but finally pulled it off with some persuasion. So here I am.. almost immediately after GLS making all kinds of plans that normally should have been done 2 weeks before hand.

Checklist:

pack warm clothings - checked
change money - checked
inform card - checked
something for Eiz - checked
work delegated - checked
ticket and passport - checked
directions, plans and map - itinerary from hazel
camera from lynne - checked

Thank you Lord for this trip. I may not feel it now but I'm sure I need this. I want to learn to be grateful beforehand =)

Next: Shopping and Life

GLS2009

2009-10-21T16:57:00.001+08:00

Not many pictures this time. Thank you to all who worked and practiced so very hard for this event. Many leaders have been blessed and enriched through the Summit experience and speakers. Nothing we ever do is in vain! It is a good kind of tired feeling knowing that whatever role we play, works towards the same objective in this event. No one individual is lifted above another but that GOD gets that final highest glory as He uses us.

counting down to GLS

2009-10-16T18:36:00.002+08:00

GLS is in 3 days time....
Will update about the preparations later.

I need to Believe

2009-10-11T17:54:00.002+08:00

It was St. Anselm who taught true spirituality when he prayed, "Oh Lord my God, teach my heart where and how to seek Thee, where and how to find Thee. For I do not seek to understand in order to believe, but I believe in order to understand."

I need to believe to understand
Aches I cannot comprehend
Questions I cannot answer
Stories I cannot see

I need to believe
That You are Lord God Almighty
Strong enough to rescue me
You answer when I call
Please don't let me go

I need to believe
That You are sovereign
You hold my tomorrows
Every step You've ordained
Please help me see

I need to believe
That You are near
In my silence and anger
You still hear the words I do not say
Please don't turn away

I need to believe
That You are God of love
Full of mercy and full of grace
Nothing will stop You from loving me
Please don't change

I need to believe
That You are good
You will not treat me unkindly
And You make no mistakes
Please help me trust You

I need to believe
And I do believe….
And I do love You...

Meaning of my name

2009-10-05T22:42:00.002+08:00

"What is in a name?"

Juliet (from Shakespeare) decided that a name is just a name, neither hand nor foot, nor any part belonging to a man. It has no part in a man.

But according to old Hebraic understanding, a name is everything. It defines you and destines you.

I did a little search for mine.

Anne means grace, favour.
Alternative in Hebrew is Hannah: A little prayer offered and granted. God showing favour...

I think it DOES define me. I've been shown a lot of grace in my life, a lot of favour. And somehow I think it always will be. God has promised to always look into my every need. And I will lack nothing. He's always gracious towards me.